Church was awesome for me today. I was sitting in the chairs with my husband once again at my side. I was able to worship and pray with him again and it felt amazing to have him there with me. It really wasn't anything more that just the fact that our family day was complete again. We all went to church together, ate lunch together, and then just hung out around the house together.
At home, the kids finally got Ian into their epic wrestling match that they have been dying to have. It was actually quite funny the way it happened. Ian and I were in our room, changing out of our church clothes when we hear Daniel starting up the stairs telling his sisters, "I am going to go wrestle with daddy." He knew they would want to wrestle too, and that by just telling them he was going would make them follow right behind him. Sure enough, it worked. They all filed in our room and jumped all over Ian. It was so funny and they all (Ian included) had so much fun. I had fun just watching them.
The kids literally could have gone on and on with the wrestling, but eventually, Ian had to call it quits for the day. The kids made him promise he would wrestle again tomorrow, and Ian agreed, knowing they wouldn't rest unless he promised them more tomorrow. I just sat back and watched the whole thing, laughing and smiling the whole time. Nothing has made me happier than to see Ian with our children again. He loves them so much and he is such a good dad. These two weeks of time are going to mean so much to the kids over the next half of this deployment. It will be a good reminder of what they have to look forward to when this deployment is done.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Day 136: SeaWorld
We promised the kids before Ian deployed that we would take them to Sea World during R&R. We thought that would be simple and that we could do it sometime next week. Well, we were wrong. Apparently, they are closed during the week and are only open from noon-6pm on the weekends. So, we had to readjust everything and go today. It was literally the only weekend we could do it.
We didn't get as much time in the park as we would have liked, but had a blast all the same. We met my best friend and her kids there and hung out together. Ian really seemed to enjoy himself with all the kids. The best part was before the Shamu show, they said thank you to all military and their families and asked them to stand. I loved watching Ian stand there with pride as I stood beside him and the whole area applauded for all the military members there. Then they put us on the big screen, which we all thought was cool. It brought tears to my eyes to see all those people standing with us that are either serving with us or have served before us, and having everyone else show their gratitude with a loud and extended applause. God Bless America!
We didn't get as much time in the park as we would have liked, but had a blast all the same. We met my best friend and her kids there and hung out together. Ian really seemed to enjoy himself with all the kids. The best part was before the Shamu show, they said thank you to all military and their families and asked them to stand. I loved watching Ian stand there with pride as I stood beside him and the whole area applauded for all the military members there. Then they put us on the big screen, which we all thought was cool. It brought tears to my eyes to see all those people standing with us that are either serving with us or have served before us, and having everyone else show their gratitude with a loud and extended applause. God Bless America!
Day 135: So, breakdowns aren't supposed to happen during R&R
Today was a good day mostly. Ian and I went to have lunch with our oldest at her school. It would have been just him, but he didn't quite want to drive yet and I think he wanted me there with him anyways. Emily loved it and couldn't stop bubbling about the fact that Ian was coming to lunch with her today. Apparently, it was all she talked about at school all morning. After lunch, we ran a few errands and had lunch together. All in all, a good day.
Tonight, on the other hand, was a little rough for me. I can't explain it, not even to myself really. I had a breakdown. I was so upset tonight and couldn't control it. I wasn't mad at Ian and it wasn't directed at him. It was all me. It is so hard to explain, but I guess it was more of feeling guilty for letting Ian do "my job." In my mind, he shouldn't be the one getting up with the kids in the morning. He shouldn't be helping me clean the kitchen. He shouldn't have to deal with the kids' fits or fights. That is all my job. It has been my job for the past 4 months and as much as I want to let him help me again, I also know that in 2 weeks, it starts all over again for me. I will have to resume being mom and dad.
I just couldn't fight all of these feelings, even at a time when I know that my husband is home and I should be happy... I was crying uncontrollably. Ian kept asking and asking, and I really didn't want to tell him what was wrong. As I have written before, that is just not the way we are, so I eventually told him. He understood and told me not to feel guilty because dad (he) is home and I don't have to be dad for a while. He told me that I can let go of that for now and let him resume that role. I told him how hard that was for me, and all he did was hold me and reassure me that it is all okay and that he was happy being back in the middle of things. I just kept trying to explain it in that I felt like I wasn't making R&R restful enough for him. He told me that just being dad again, no matter what work was involved there, was relaxing enough for him. It wasn't like I was making him do the dishes or clean the house, he was wanting to help, so he felt there was no need to my guilt. The last thing he told me, which really helped me out, was that R&R for him is not a vacation from life or everyday things, it is a break from the stresses of war. For him it isn't about sitting around doing nothing for 2 weeks or being on a constant vacation, it is about spending time with his family and being dad again, even if it is only for 2 weeks. The purpose of R&R is a break from the war, not from life... My husband, such an amazing man. I could not ask for more.
These feelings were so unexpected. I thought that throughout R&R, we would be nothing but blissfully happy and I would feel complete again, the Army's version of a honeymoon phase. I am feeling those ways mostly, but was not expecting the emotions of tonight. I hope that after getting them all out, it will be done for the time and we can spend the rest of the honeymoon period blissfully happy.... well, here's to hoping.
Tonight, on the other hand, was a little rough for me. I can't explain it, not even to myself really. I had a breakdown. I was so upset tonight and couldn't control it. I wasn't mad at Ian and it wasn't directed at him. It was all me. It is so hard to explain, but I guess it was more of feeling guilty for letting Ian do "my job." In my mind, he shouldn't be the one getting up with the kids in the morning. He shouldn't be helping me clean the kitchen. He shouldn't have to deal with the kids' fits or fights. That is all my job. It has been my job for the past 4 months and as much as I want to let him help me again, I also know that in 2 weeks, it starts all over again for me. I will have to resume being mom and dad.
I just couldn't fight all of these feelings, even at a time when I know that my husband is home and I should be happy... I was crying uncontrollably. Ian kept asking and asking, and I really didn't want to tell him what was wrong. As I have written before, that is just not the way we are, so I eventually told him. He understood and told me not to feel guilty because dad (he) is home and I don't have to be dad for a while. He told me that I can let go of that for now and let him resume that role. I told him how hard that was for me, and all he did was hold me and reassure me that it is all okay and that he was happy being back in the middle of things. I just kept trying to explain it in that I felt like I wasn't making R&R restful enough for him. He told me that just being dad again, no matter what work was involved there, was relaxing enough for him. It wasn't like I was making him do the dishes or clean the house, he was wanting to help, so he felt there was no need to my guilt. The last thing he told me, which really helped me out, was that R&R for him is not a vacation from life or everyday things, it is a break from the stresses of war. For him it isn't about sitting around doing nothing for 2 weeks or being on a constant vacation, it is about spending time with his family and being dad again, even if it is only for 2 weeks. The purpose of R&R is a break from the war, not from life... My husband, such an amazing man. I could not ask for more.
These feelings were so unexpected. I thought that throughout R&R, we would be nothing but blissfully happy and I would feel complete again, the Army's version of a honeymoon phase. I am feeling those ways mostly, but was not expecting the emotions of tonight. I hope that after getting them all out, it will be done for the time and we can spend the rest of the honeymoon period blissfully happy.... well, here's to hoping.
Day 134: Day 3 of R&R
Can't really write much about today. I am just insanely happy with everything that is going on. My husband is doing well adjusting to the kids and me. He is rested and wanting to participate. He even went to the younger kids' school today to have lunch with them and help out in each of their classrooms for a little bit. He truly enjoyed it. I let him have his time with just the kids at school but reclaimed him as soon as he was done. Other than that time, we have been inseparable. I have loved every minute of it and have realized just how much I have missed him and how much I love this man.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Day 133: Having my best friend back
Today has been a pretty awesome day. Ian and I spent every minute together. We had lunch, talked and did a little shopping too. I couldn't help but think all day that I love having my best friend back. We gave my dad a break, and Ian and I went to pick the kids up from school. After we picked up the kids, we took them to the park to play and just enjoyed watching them play. We then went home and hung out as a family. It was nice just to be there in his arms, watching TV with the kids.
So, yesterday was quite the homecoming. To be honest, I screwed up hard. I got to the airport about 10 minutes before Ian's plane was supposed to land. I figured he would take a few min to get off the plane. Apparently, his plane landed EARLY! I got there, parked and started walking to the entrance, and there was Ian, smiling and waving at me. I was so happy to see him and so mad at myself for being late. Ian didn't care, because what mattered was that I was there and we were reunited. I cried and held him for forever it seemed just telling him that I was sorry I was late, that I loved him so much, and I have missed him. Yes, we were standing in the middle of the parking lot, hugging and kissing with me crying like a fool. My friend Lyssa was there with me to take pictures and after Ian and I were done with our hellos he said hi to her and we started in our way back. My dad pulled in about that time surprised to see Ian already out. He gave Ian a quick hug and then we had to get going to pick up the kids from school.
At school we picked up Daniel first and his face was shocked. He ran to Ian and held him around his neck so tight and was grinning from ear to ear. Then, after a few minutes he introduced Ian to his teacher.
Next came Natalie. We had to wait in line for her to come down the stairs. There were a ton of kids and parents but Natalie did what she always did, she started looking for me. Then, she saw Ian and her face was so shocked. She started covering her mouth and wanted to run to Ian, but didn't want to get in trouble for getting out of line so she asked her teacher's permission and then flew into Ian's arms, crying. They stood there for a good 3-4 minutes just hugging and crying. Then, Natalie introduced her daddy to her teacher. It was great.
Then we went home to wait for Emily to come home. My dad had to go pick her up from choir practice. Ian was standing in the dining room waiting for her to round the corner. It took a good minute for her to look towards me and see Ian standing there next to me. Before that, she was facing the kitchen talking away. Once she saw him, though, she screamed, "Daddy?" and ran full speed into his arms. She cried too and held onto him with all her strength.
All the kids were so happy to have their daddy home and their reactions showed that. Since then they have been glued to his side and argue over who will sit next to him at dinner. I am now fish food, and Ian is the main event. Which is definitely something I am okay with.
So, yesterday was quite the homecoming. To be honest, I screwed up hard. I got to the airport about 10 minutes before Ian's plane was supposed to land. I figured he would take a few min to get off the plane. Apparently, his plane landed EARLY! I got there, parked and started walking to the entrance, and there was Ian, smiling and waving at me. I was so happy to see him and so mad at myself for being late. Ian didn't care, because what mattered was that I was there and we were reunited. I cried and held him for forever it seemed just telling him that I was sorry I was late, that I loved him so much, and I have missed him. Yes, we were standing in the middle of the parking lot, hugging and kissing with me crying like a fool. My friend Lyssa was there with me to take pictures and after Ian and I were done with our hellos he said hi to her and we started in our way back. My dad pulled in about that time surprised to see Ian already out. He gave Ian a quick hug and then we had to get going to pick up the kids from school.
At school we picked up Daniel first and his face was shocked. He ran to Ian and held him around his neck so tight and was grinning from ear to ear. Then, after a few minutes he introduced Ian to his teacher.
Next came Natalie. We had to wait in line for her to come down the stairs. There were a ton of kids and parents but Natalie did what she always did, she started looking for me. Then, she saw Ian and her face was so shocked. She started covering her mouth and wanted to run to Ian, but didn't want to get in trouble for getting out of line so she asked her teacher's permission and then flew into Ian's arms, crying. They stood there for a good 3-4 minutes just hugging and crying. Then, Natalie introduced her daddy to her teacher. It was great.
Then we went home to wait for Emily to come home. My dad had to go pick her up from choir practice. Ian was standing in the dining room waiting for her to round the corner. It took a good minute for her to look towards me and see Ian standing there next to me. Before that, she was facing the kitchen talking away. Once she saw him, though, she screamed, "Daddy?" and ran full speed into his arms. She cried too and held onto him with all her strength.
All the kids were so happy to have their daddy home and their reactions showed that. Since then they have been glued to his side and argue over who will sit next to him at dinner. I am now fish food, and Ian is the main event. Which is definitely something I am okay with.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Day 132: HE IS HOME!!!!
That is all for now! He is home safe in my arms. He is so tired. As I was finishing up a website for my credential class, he fell asleep and I have been happily sitting here in bed listening to him snore. Oh how I have missed that. I will write tomorrow about how we surprised the kids and how they reacted. For now, GOODNIGHT!
Home at last! This is us at the airport! Holding my man!
Day 131: Halloween
Today has been a busy day. I have been running errands, watching kids, running my dad to urgent care, and cleaning up the house all day today. After I picked up the kids from school, and an early out I might add, we came home and decided to make signs for Ian's R&R homecoming. The kids kept asking me when he is coming and I kept playing dumb. I told them that he will be here in the next few days, but that I didn't know for sure. Truth is, I know. He is coming tomorrow afternoon, hopefully before the kids get out of school. We are planning to surprise them a little bit, but it all depends on if I can keep it from them.
After our sign making, the kids and I did a quick clean-up of the house again, had pizza for dinner, and then went out trick-or-treating with my awesome friend, Lyssa and her family. We were all a little bummed that Ian was missing out on this by just one day, but we still tried to have fun regardless. And it really was a blast. The kids got so much candy and there is NO WAY they are going to eat it all. Not that they can't, just that mommy won't let them.
Bonus for me this year is that Emily's school is a part of a program called "Treats for Troops." Basically, the kids are encouraged to send in their trick-or-treating candy to the school, and the company sponsoring it is going to pay to ship it to troops overseas! I was stoked when I saw that, because it is exactly what I did every year up till now, well, in a way. Every year, I would let the kids have a few pieces a night for about a week or two, then send the rest to work with Ian to pass out to the single soldiers who didn't have kids who had candy bags to raid. This way, the kids didn't get a lot of candy, and I didn't have it around the house tempting Ian or me to eat it. It was a win-win. This year, I couldn't do that, so I was worried about where all the excess candy was going to go. When Emily brought home the flier, I asked her and the kids if that was something they wanted to do. They all very excitedly agreed to it, and I am more the willing to support them in their decision. So, if any of my friends who read this are in the area and want to get rid of some of your kids' Halloween candy, let me know and I will send it in to Emily's school.
I am so excited that Ian is coming home tomorrow. I won't know what time until he lands in the states, but that is ok with me. I will be ready!
After our sign making, the kids and I did a quick clean-up of the house again, had pizza for dinner, and then went out trick-or-treating with my awesome friend, Lyssa and her family. We were all a little bummed that Ian was missing out on this by just one day, but we still tried to have fun regardless. And it really was a blast. The kids got so much candy and there is NO WAY they are going to eat it all. Not that they can't, just that mommy won't let them.
Bonus for me this year is that Emily's school is a part of a program called "Treats for Troops." Basically, the kids are encouraged to send in their trick-or-treating candy to the school, and the company sponsoring it is going to pay to ship it to troops overseas! I was stoked when I saw that, because it is exactly what I did every year up till now, well, in a way. Every year, I would let the kids have a few pieces a night for about a week or two, then send the rest to work with Ian to pass out to the single soldiers who didn't have kids who had candy bags to raid. This way, the kids didn't get a lot of candy, and I didn't have it around the house tempting Ian or me to eat it. It was a win-win. This year, I couldn't do that, so I was worried about where all the excess candy was going to go. When Emily brought home the flier, I asked her and the kids if that was something they wanted to do. They all very excitedly agreed to it, and I am more the willing to support them in their decision. So, if any of my friends who read this are in the area and want to get rid of some of your kids' Halloween candy, let me know and I will send it in to Emily's school.
I am so excited that Ian is coming home tomorrow. I won't know what time until he lands in the states, but that is ok with me. I will be ready!
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