Day 130: Doing better

Today is Sunday and I made it to church today. I didn't make it last week because I hung out with my best friend who was visiting for the weekend. So, really, the last time the pastor saw me, I was a wreak about Lucy and everything else and looked like I was losing my mind (and in a way I was). So, I knew today the question would be about how I was doing. After service, I stopped to say hi to the pastor and he saw my face and the first thing he said was, "You look better!" It was true. I am better than when he last saw me. So, I told him that things were going better for me and that I would be able to rejoin my bible study fellowship after Ian's R&R. He was so happy to hear that Ian is coming home for a few weeks and wished us well. I told him that while Ian is home, we will still be coming to church and he was happy to hear that.

After church, I watched a friend's kids for a while and then went to a Halloween Event. It was pretty cool. They had booths set up where kids could trick-or-treat and the vendors could show off their services/products. They even had a costume contest. The funniest part was that Daniel won in his age group! He was so excited and proud of himself. He couldn't stop smiling when they gave it to him. I think he got it not only because his costume was so cute, but also because of his personality when he was introduced to the judges. Then he decided to do a break dance on the stage floor before he left the stage. That last part was after the judging, but was still such a Daniel thing to do!

The day was great. Filled with God, family fun, and good friends. I can't wait until Ian can be a part of the family fun again. Days away now. Days away! Still have to take it one day at a time.

Daniel in his Tow-Mater costume

Day 129: Just have to keep going

Today was an awesome day. I made a cake that was outside my norm and it turned out really cool. I got to go to a birthday party and hang out with some friends. Then I got a fun lesson in doing my makeup from my awesome friend Lyssa so I could have it looking good for when Ian comes home.

Every ounce of me knows it. I know he is coming home soon, and I am getting butterflies in my stomach....SERIOUSLY! BUTTERFLIES! It is kind of funny, in a way. It goes back to the dating idea again. Right now I feel just like I did when he would take me on a date before we were married. What am I going to wear? How will I look? Will he like the way I look? Then I add on the questions that come from deployment worries and being married. Is the house nice enough? What will the kids' reactions be? How will he react to all of us again? Will he still think I am beautiful? All those and way more. Everything runs through my head at any moment when I start to think of how close R&R is. Sometimes the butterflies get so bad that it is to the point of almost nausea. Not in a bad way, but in a good, expectant way. The process of him getting home takes days. Having to be patient with the process is going to be one of the hardest things about this all. Knowing he is going to be on his way, but not knowing when exactly he will be here, it is making the anxiousness even more unbearable.

The only way I have found that helps to deal with this is to just keep going. I have to keep cleaning or baking or running around. Anything to keep me from sitting still too long to think about how close I am and yet how long it will still be. It is a small price to pay to be able to see him again. I gladly pay it, a hundred times over if I must. Just as long as I get to see his face and feel his arms around me again.

My cake of the day

Day 128: The scores are in

I can't believe it. My scores for my test came in today. I wasn't expecting them until Tuesday at the earliest and this afternoon I got an email telling me they were ready. I was over at a teacher-friend's house when the email came through on my cell phone. She asked what was wrong because my face drained of color. I told her that my scores are in and that I needed to sign in to check them, but that I really didn't want to. She told me to just look, so I used my phone to access the online account. It took about a minute to click the 5 times it took to get to the results, it was an ecruciating minute and I really did start to tear up because I was so sure I failed.... Then the page came up, I looked at the score and............

I PASSED MY TEST!!!!!!!!!!

I was screaming and then my friend jumped up and gave me a big hug. It was so cool! She then text her friend (a teacher who is also my friend) and told her the good news. Then that friend came over and gave me a big hug too! It was a fun little celebration. I text another teacher who is in the Pre-K section I am subbing in and told her as well as the teacher who got me started in the elementary school. They were both equally as excited as I was. So, yeah, it was a great ending to the day. I then took my dad and the kids to dinner to celebrate. It was a great night. I ended the night late working on a cake which still has to be finished tomorrow. Let's hope I can get it done in time.

One day at a time and I am making it through. Praise the Lord for that!

Day 127: My credential test

I had today off so I could take my "content" test for my teaching certification. This test is insanely expensive and tough, so I was nervous going into it. Ian called me right before going in to wish me good luck. When I told him that I wasn't sure if I would pass he told me he was confident in me and knew I could do it. I was still doubtful, despite his encouraging words, I just didn't feel ready.

So, I went in and took the test. After I was done, I felt like crying. I am just not sure if I passed or not. I am not confident enough in whether or not I passed and that is not normal for me. Usually, I am pretty confident in what I do. Today not so much. They told me I had to wait 3 business days for my scores, which means early next week. I have to go the whole weekend without knowing... this should be fun.

On a lighter note, I went and got a pedicure and manicure today in preparation of Ian coming home for R&R, plus, I really needed them. Best part was, one of my best friends went with me. After getting our nails done, we went to get makeup for me because I am makeup illiterate, my friend helped me out. After that we went shopping for supplies for a Halloween themed birthday cake. It was fun and helpful to bounce ideas off someone else.

I am still anxious about my test score, but am just as anxious for R&R to get here! I know I sound like a broken record, but I am so excited! One more day closer!

Day 126: Just when I think I have time off

So, yesterday I was working and the principal asked if she could talk to me. I was a little nervous, but also knew I had done nothing wrong. She had me walk out to the hallway with her and she asked if I was interested in a long term sub position in Pre-K. She told me it would be through the end of the year and possibly through the end of the school year. She also said that it could turn into a full-time teaching job, and asked if I could start the next day. I told her I would love to except I already had some conflicts. She said she knew about my husband coming home soon on R&R and that it was ok. She said she would put another sub in for those times and then I could come back on after that. I was shocked because they never do that for subs, either the sub can go start to finish, or not at all. I gladly accepted the job and started it today.

It was a great day and I really did enjoy being around that age group of kids. The only downer was that I have been in frantic mode all day. I expected to have the day off today to study for my certification test that I have scheduled for tomorrow. Since I had to work, I lost a lot of study time and now I feel like I am so far behind that I could not possibly pass the test. This is where my weeks get screwed up. I plan things out a certain way and count on my scheduled days off to get things done.

It has really bitten me in the butt this time. We will have to see how I do on my test tomorrow. I am not so confident about it, unfortunately. Oh well, another day down, another day closer to him.... R&R is so close, the countdown is now so low that it is excruciating!

Day 125: The good stuff

So, today was another really good day. Work went well. I was subbing for a teacher who was in a training all day with the rest of the teachers in her grade. The person who was putting on the training decided that she wanted to show the teachers a teaching strategy with an actual class, and they came into mine. It was so cool for me because I got to watch and learn a little. The kids enjoyed it and all the teachers enjoyed it too. Overall, a great experience for me.

After school, I came home and took my son to his Karate class. He enjoyed it and it gave me some time to study. After that I went to the grocery store and came home to make dinner. Since then I have been studying. It isn't bad, just boring. I know I need to study because I need to pass this test, but to be honest, I hate it because I can't stay focused on it. But, time is running out, so I have to try and keep on it.

Today was another one of those days that I really wished Ian was home. Not to have him help me through a rough time or bad day, but to share the good news with him. I miss having him here to tell about the good things that have happened and to have him hug me and tell me he is so happy/proud of me. It is work related, but again, I want to make sure he knows first from me instead of my blog, so I will let you all know about it tomorrow. I always miss him, but it is the days when I really need to talk to him and I can't that are the worst. Good days or bad days, they both show me just how much I miss having my best friend to celebrate with or cry with.

On the up note, R&R is stinkin' close! You will know the day he is here because I will type one sentence in all caps... that will be my only blog that night! I can't wait!

Day 124: Ooooh, shiny.

Today was a good day. I worked today, subbing in my daughter's class. It was a good day and the class was a great class. At the end of the day, I had to run an errand on post, but it was a quick one and I was able to get it done quickly and then get to studying for my credential test. I have a lot to study, but I think I can get it down in a short amount of time. Mostly it has to do with remembering key vocabulary and teaching terms. If I can remember those, I will do just fine on the test. I have to work tomorrow, but will not work for the rest of the week, just so I have time to study, take the test, and then continue to fix up the house.

It is kinda funny they way my brain skitters off like a distract-able child who sees something shiny every time I think of how close Ian's R&R is. Today, my mind was going down my schedule for the week and the weekend, when suddenly I realized just how close R&R is getting. At that point, I saw the shiny thing and started thinking about R&R and all the plans we have for it. Our trip to Sea World, how excited the kids will be, what I am going to make him for dinners at home, where he wants to go out to eat, our date nights we have planned, the new friends I want to introduce him to.... The list goes on and on. It was literally 5 minutes before I realized that I was thinking about something else before that and hadn't finished that train of thought before I jumped the tracks to R&R.

I really can't help it. I am so excited and the lead up to is making me anxious. I can't wait. I know it is only two weeks, but I will take what I can get. I also think that if I am this excited about him coming home for 2 weeks, what will it be like when he comes home at the end of the deployment? I don't think I will be able to form a coherent sentence at any time in the month leading up to his homecoming. And I am more than okay with that!

My husband is my shiny object, and even far away he is distracting me. One day at a time, I am getting closer to seeing my shiny object in person. R&R is so close!