This morning I was woken up at 3:30am by my phone. It was my husband and I was both elated to hear from him and dreading what I needed to tell him. So, I sat up, "put on my big girl panties" and told him that I had to put our dog, Bodie down yesterday. It was hard for us both, but I know it hit him twice as hard because he wanted to be here for me and couldn't be. I told him I was sorry and that I was ok. He said he understood why and thought it was a good decision, but it didn't make it any easier.
He called back at 8 am to talk to the kids. Afterward he asked if we should tell the kids. I said no because they have been through enough for now. Once the immediate pain of daddy being gone subsides we will tell them. For now, as far as the kids are concerned, Bodie is hanging out with grandma and grandpa to try and get some rest. So, with this, I carry this grief out of the sight of my children.
Today was a good day for us all. We are starting to get our routine going, something that will help a ton. I did not, however, go to church today. My reasoning is probably flawed, but I just couldn't handle it. I didn't want to answer the questions of "How are you?" I am just not ready for that yet. So, I spent the day with my kids an we enjoyed spending time together.
Starting tomorrow, I am not going to hide out anymore. I am going to get out there, show them I am ok and answer those questions. It is time for me to get my big girl panties on and in place. I am in survival mode now. I am going to be ok. I am going to be great.... I have to be...... Just have to remember, one step at a time. Left, right , left, right..... Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
Count with me Uno, dos, tress, cuatro, 1,2,3,4...... You get it right!!!! Go on with your bad self!!!!
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