12/5/2011
After being kinda down this past week and having everyone feeling a little sick today, I decided to break my mommy rules. Instead of coming home and cleaning the house and reading with the kids, I decided to have a hot chocolate and snack mix party with the kids. We went to the PX after school to get some cold medicine for all of us and I decided to get all the items needed to make a great snack mix. I also got the kids some chicken nuggets for a snack at the PX (again something I NEVER do, but I knew it was more of an early dinner) as we walked around getting everything we needed. The kids knew I was going to make them hot chocolate but didn't know about my other treat. So, we came home and I made their drinks and started popping popcorn. They thought we were doing a movie night. I just kept quiet. Then, after the popcorn was done I added M&Ms, pretzel sticks, peanuts, and gummy worms to the popcorn in a bowl and mixed. The kids went crazy! They thought it was the best thing ever! So we sat down as a family and watched some TV, ate our snack mix, drank our hot chocolate, and talked. It was so relaxing for all of us. Also, for dinner, the kids ended up not being to hungry (big surprise there) so I made them all peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
I have realized that with all the stress I have been under, the kids are feeling a bit left out because I am either tired, sick, or trying to clean the house up. So, I decided that for one night, I would let the house stay the way it was and spend time with my kids.... The whole night. I didn't get on the phone or computer the whole time they were up. Well, until Ian called, but that was more for him to talk to the kids. It was the cherry on top of our nice night together. Rules are good, but they are meant to be bent just a little bit every once in a while. It is important to know when they need to be bent in order to have a little bit of harmless fun. I can honestly say that, even though my kids may not have gotten the most balanced meal of their lives, they had a great night with their mother and siblings at home. It is something I might have to do every month or two, just to give my kids some timeout from the normal, everyday stuff we deal with around here.
Another day is done, another day that I am closer to seeing him. They days are ticking by.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Day 165: Breakthrough
12/4/2011
Today was a pretty good day. We got up this morning and all went to breakfast. The kids all had a blast and I enjoyed the adult conversation with my best friend and her husband. Ian called during breakfast and we all got to talk to him, which was super awesome. After breakfast we went shopping, mostly just for a reason to get us walking around. After shopping we came home and relaxed with the kids.
I have to tell you, my oldest is 9 years old, and she is really starting the pre-teen attitude pretty fiercely at the moment. I know a part of it is because Ian is gone and then there are issues from kids at school, but in my book, that doesn't give her a right to back talk me and be mean to her siblings. It does give her the right to talk to me about it and be upset. I understand that outbursts happen, but this has been constant for the past few months and it is becoming hard on both of us. Today, it happened again. This time she back talked my friend and I sent her directly to the corner and talked to her after her timeout was done. I was frustrated because it was something that I have said to her a hundred times. This time though, I sent her to my friend to apologize and my friend had a talk with her. She said everything that I have said, but Emily seemed to listen because it wasn't coming from me (I know you all are shocked!). Long story short, I entered the conversation after a few minutes and we all talked about it calmly and Emily and I really had a heart to heart and set out some times that we can ditch the little ones to have some mommy-daughter time. Her behavior for the rest of the afternoon was a lot better and I am really hoping it holds.
I am writing a little earlier tonight because I am heading out to the concert. My best friend and I are heading out to see Lady Antebellum courtesy of my way-too-amazing husband. He bought these tickets while he was home on R&R and told us about them. I asked him if it was my Christmas present or, jokingly, my "husband just left and I am sad" present. Ian rolled his eyes at me and said, "Neither. It is a just because I love you present. I knew you wanted to see them in concert and since I can't go, I figured taking your best friend is the next best thing. I love you." Yeah, I cried a little. I told him how awesome of a husband he is, how lucky I am to have him, how much I love him, and how much I wish it were him coming with me.
So now, we are off to the concert. I know it will be fun, because it is my best friend and me together. I also know I will be thinking of Ian because it is country music, and that is unavoidable. That is ok, because I know I am another day closer to seeing him again and that as soon as he comes back, we are going to a concert together.
Today was a pretty good day. We got up this morning and all went to breakfast. The kids all had a blast and I enjoyed the adult conversation with my best friend and her husband. Ian called during breakfast and we all got to talk to him, which was super awesome. After breakfast we went shopping, mostly just for a reason to get us walking around. After shopping we came home and relaxed with the kids.
I have to tell you, my oldest is 9 years old, and she is really starting the pre-teen attitude pretty fiercely at the moment. I know a part of it is because Ian is gone and then there are issues from kids at school, but in my book, that doesn't give her a right to back talk me and be mean to her siblings. It does give her the right to talk to me about it and be upset. I understand that outbursts happen, but this has been constant for the past few months and it is becoming hard on both of us. Today, it happened again. This time she back talked my friend and I sent her directly to the corner and talked to her after her timeout was done. I was frustrated because it was something that I have said to her a hundred times. This time though, I sent her to my friend to apologize and my friend had a talk with her. She said everything that I have said, but Emily seemed to listen because it wasn't coming from me (I know you all are shocked!). Long story short, I entered the conversation after a few minutes and we all talked about it calmly and Emily and I really had a heart to heart and set out some times that we can ditch the little ones to have some mommy-daughter time. Her behavior for the rest of the afternoon was a lot better and I am really hoping it holds.
I am writing a little earlier tonight because I am heading out to the concert. My best friend and I are heading out to see Lady Antebellum courtesy of my way-too-amazing husband. He bought these tickets while he was home on R&R and told us about them. I asked him if it was my Christmas present or, jokingly, my "husband just left and I am sad" present. Ian rolled his eyes at me and said, "Neither. It is a just because I love you present. I knew you wanted to see them in concert and since I can't go, I figured taking your best friend is the next best thing. I love you." Yeah, I cried a little. I told him how awesome of a husband he is, how lucky I am to have him, how much I love him, and how much I wish it were him coming with me.
So now, we are off to the concert. I know it will be fun, because it is my best friend and me together. I also know I will be thinking of Ian because it is country music, and that is unavoidable. That is ok, because I know I am another day closer to seeing him again and that as soon as he comes back, we are going to a concert together.
Day 164: An unexpected full house
Today was supposed to be a day that my best friend came for the weekend so we could go to a concert together tomorrow night. The original plan was that her kids and husband were supposed to stay home and it was just going to be her, my kids, and me. It was going to be time for us to just talk and hang out. Something I was looking forward to. What actually happened was that she asked if she could bring her husband and kids with her and I said yes. It really wasn't a bad thing because I adore her kids and my kids have so much fun playing with them. The hard part was that I just wasn't expecting to be really entertaining this weekend. My best friend doesn't count in the entertaining part, because if it is just her we would have just hung out and chatted or watched movies. Instead, I was worried about what my house looked like and about getting places for people to sleep and getting sheets and towels washed and ready. It wasn't bad, just more work than I really wanted to do at that time this morning, because I really hadn't come out of my bad mood. I hate to make it sound like an imposition, because it wasn't, it was just unexpected.
To be honest, it was also hard because I have only been without Ian again for two weeks and the pain of separation is still there. No matter where I go, it is a little rough seeing couples together because it always reminds me of what I am missing right now. Something always goes through my head and reminds me that I would be holding my husbands hand the same way, or hugging him just like that if he were home. The hard part was having it here in my own house after just two weeks of being alone again. I know this sounds bad, and I really am sorry. It is just how I feel right now, I feel lonely without Ian, especially in my own home, and seeing a couple (even though I am happy for them being together) reminds me of what I am missing right now. I am in no way bitter for any other couple, just reminded of the one I am missing right now.
Despite all that, it was a fun day. The kids had a blast and my best friend and I got to go to the movies together. My nerd self saw "Breaking Dawn" again because it is a requirement for my best friend and I to watch all Twilight movies together. We both had fun joking on a few funny lines and talking about the stuff we missed the first time we saw it. Basically, we had fun being nerds together.
Tomorrow night we are going to see a concert and I can't wait! It is our second concert together and the two of us always have fun at concerts!
Getting a day closer all the time. A day closer to being in my husband's arms and being able to be a couple again.
To be honest, it was also hard because I have only been without Ian again for two weeks and the pain of separation is still there. No matter where I go, it is a little rough seeing couples together because it always reminds me of what I am missing right now. Something always goes through my head and reminds me that I would be holding my husbands hand the same way, or hugging him just like that if he were home. The hard part was having it here in my own house after just two weeks of being alone again. I know this sounds bad, and I really am sorry. It is just how I feel right now, I feel lonely without Ian, especially in my own home, and seeing a couple (even though I am happy for them being together) reminds me of what I am missing right now. I am in no way bitter for any other couple, just reminded of the one I am missing right now.
Despite all that, it was a fun day. The kids had a blast and my best friend and I got to go to the movies together. My nerd self saw "Breaking Dawn" again because it is a requirement for my best friend and I to watch all Twilight movies together. We both had fun joking on a few funny lines and talking about the stuff we missed the first time we saw it. Basically, we had fun being nerds together.
Tomorrow night we are going to see a concert and I can't wait! It is our second concert together and the two of us always have fun at concerts!
Getting a day closer all the time. A day closer to being in my husband's arms and being able to be a couple again.
Day 163: Rough times
12/2/2011
I can't explain it, I am just down. There is no real reason, other than the obvious, for me to feel this way, but I do. It is getting hard for me to get back into the routine of keeping the house clean and keeping the kids on schedule. It seems like the transition has been harder after R&R than it was when he first left. That might be just because it is happening now and it feels more powerful because of that, I don't know. I just know that this has been rough. The holidays are right around the corner and I am sure that is a source of my blues, but again, not completely to blame. I can say that I really am not looking forward to the holidays this year and I feel completely unprepared this year. It is harder because I know that Ian will not be here, my mom will not be making her yearly Christmas visit (something the kids have already asked about), and I will not really have any friends in the area to share Christmas dinner with. So, I have to force it. I hate forcing it. I have to force it for my kids and make it look all bright and cheery. I will have to get up in the morning with them and video tape everything for Ian and then make Christmas dinner for just the four of us. I can do it, I just am not looking forward to it. I will keep in mind the true reason for Christmas and know that I celebrate it because of Christ's birth and that will help me get through it. I will just miss having my family together for this awesome holiday.
I know I am whining a bit and I apologize, basically though, I didn't know why I was feeling the way I am until I started writing it all out. So, it is a bit jumbled, but it is honest.
One day at a time. That is the best I can do. One day at a time, one holiday at a time. I can do this, I can make it through until I see him again.
I can't explain it, I am just down. There is no real reason, other than the obvious, for me to feel this way, but I do. It is getting hard for me to get back into the routine of keeping the house clean and keeping the kids on schedule. It seems like the transition has been harder after R&R than it was when he first left. That might be just because it is happening now and it feels more powerful because of that, I don't know. I just know that this has been rough. The holidays are right around the corner and I am sure that is a source of my blues, but again, not completely to blame. I can say that I really am not looking forward to the holidays this year and I feel completely unprepared this year. It is harder because I know that Ian will not be here, my mom will not be making her yearly Christmas visit (something the kids have already asked about), and I will not really have any friends in the area to share Christmas dinner with. So, I have to force it. I hate forcing it. I have to force it for my kids and make it look all bright and cheery. I will have to get up in the morning with them and video tape everything for Ian and then make Christmas dinner for just the four of us. I can do it, I just am not looking forward to it. I will keep in mind the true reason for Christmas and know that I celebrate it because of Christ's birth and that will help me get through it. I will just miss having my family together for this awesome holiday.
I know I am whining a bit and I apologize, basically though, I didn't know why I was feeling the way I am until I started writing it all out. So, it is a bit jumbled, but it is honest.
One day at a time. That is the best I can do. One day at a time, one holiday at a time. I can do this, I can make it through until I see him again.
Day 162: At least I got it sent out
So, today after work, I sent out the packages to Ian and his teammates. I packed them all last night and right after work headed to the post office, kids in tow. Let me tell you how much fun it is juggling three packages, filling out three customs forms (because I was stupid and didn't have any at the house), and dealing with three children who have apparently lost their minds. I don't know what it is but you would think they had no sense in their heads today. They know how to behave, especially in public, but today they were far from behaved. I ended up, instead of putting them in a corner, making them put their "noses on the wall" next to me as I was paying for the packages. The funniest part was this young soldier starts laughing and tells his buddy that he thought his mom was the only one that would do that. I chuckled a little bit and looked at him and he just smiled and repeated it to me this time. I told him that his mom is definitely not the only one to do that.
After I was done, we left the post office because I didn't get a tree off the internet like I had hoped to do, so I went to the store (again) to pick up a small tree to send to Ian. Unfortunately, by the time I drug three kids in there, I didn't have time to get back to the post office, plus the girls had golf and we had to get a move on to get them there in time. So, we went to golf and then had to get them dinner on the way home.
I have to call this day a mild success, mostly because I was able to get the bulk of the packages off to Ian before the "cutoff" that means they should get their by Christmas. I did have a talk with the kids today about their behavior and the fact that since grandpa left, I was on my own again and they had to come with me everywhere. So, in order for us to be able to get through our errands and get home quickly so we could play, they needed to behave for me and make it easier on all of us. Not sure if it computed for them, but we will see. I really do miss having Ian here to tag team with and even having my dad here was great because I could run to the post office or commissary by myself and take a third of the time it would have taken with the kids. I know I can't help that now. This is my reality, the kids are just going to have to learn to be on their best behavior all the time instead of just some or most of the time. Hopefully we will all get it figured out and make it through our errands with less stress....... I did say hopefully.
Another day down, another day closer to seeing that awesome husband of mine. Another day closer to having my tag team partner back.
After I was done, we left the post office because I didn't get a tree off the internet like I had hoped to do, so I went to the store (again) to pick up a small tree to send to Ian. Unfortunately, by the time I drug three kids in there, I didn't have time to get back to the post office, plus the girls had golf and we had to get a move on to get them there in time. So, we went to golf and then had to get them dinner on the way home.
I have to call this day a mild success, mostly because I was able to get the bulk of the packages off to Ian before the "cutoff" that means they should get their by Christmas. I did have a talk with the kids today about their behavior and the fact that since grandpa left, I was on my own again and they had to come with me everywhere. So, in order for us to be able to get through our errands and get home quickly so we could play, they needed to behave for me and make it easier on all of us. Not sure if it computed for them, but we will see. I really do miss having Ian here to tag team with and even having my dad here was great because I could run to the post office or commissary by myself and take a third of the time it would have taken with the kids. I know I can't help that now. This is my reality, the kids are just going to have to learn to be on their best behavior all the time instead of just some or most of the time. Hopefully we will all get it figured out and make it through our errands with less stress....... I did say hopefully.
Another day down, another day closer to seeing that awesome husband of mine. Another day closer to having my tag team partner back.
Day 161: Christmas Packages
11/30/2011
Today was a crazy busy day. I went to work this morning, almost late I might add because I forgot it was trash day and I had to spend an extra few minutes putting it out. After work, I had to run some serious errands. I had to go shopping for the Christmas package I wanted to send to Ian and his team, even though I am pretty sure it will be late getting to them. In this case I am sure that the saying "better late than never" holds true. The only thing that may have been a bit of a waste is the Christmas tree I am sending and the ornaments to go with it. If it doesn't get there in time, then, I guess Ian will just have to send it back or leave it for the next unit that comes to replace them. Either way, I am trying.
It is hard because this was the one thing I have been excited to do for him and his team since he went over there. I was happy to know that even though he wasn't here, I would be able to send some Christmas cheer to Ian and his team and give them a little taste of home. Well, due to all the craziness of my life right now, I just haven't had the time or money to put together a package for them until now. It frustrates me that I am late with this, but I have to remember that I can only do my best and not everything works out as planned. Even tonight, I still have not sent it out, and instead I am busy packaging up their stockings and making each of them an ornament.
Every year, I have gotten Ian an ornament that depicts his service in the Army. One way or another Army is on it and sometimes even his name and current rank. It has been a pretty fun tradition, but can get a little frustrating at times when it is hard to find one. Well, this year I will continue with the tradition, only I am making his ornament along with one for every member of his team. This ornament will go downrange and (hopefully) come back in one piece to be put on our Christmas tree next year along with all of his other Army ornaments. I can't wait for him to see them and I hope Ian and his team like them.
Another day down, another day closer to seeing him.
Today was a crazy busy day. I went to work this morning, almost late I might add because I forgot it was trash day and I had to spend an extra few minutes putting it out. After work, I had to run some serious errands. I had to go shopping for the Christmas package I wanted to send to Ian and his team, even though I am pretty sure it will be late getting to them. In this case I am sure that the saying "better late than never" holds true. The only thing that may have been a bit of a waste is the Christmas tree I am sending and the ornaments to go with it. If it doesn't get there in time, then, I guess Ian will just have to send it back or leave it for the next unit that comes to replace them. Either way, I am trying.
It is hard because this was the one thing I have been excited to do for him and his team since he went over there. I was happy to know that even though he wasn't here, I would be able to send some Christmas cheer to Ian and his team and give them a little taste of home. Well, due to all the craziness of my life right now, I just haven't had the time or money to put together a package for them until now. It frustrates me that I am late with this, but I have to remember that I can only do my best and not everything works out as planned. Even tonight, I still have not sent it out, and instead I am busy packaging up their stockings and making each of them an ornament.
Every year, I have gotten Ian an ornament that depicts his service in the Army. One way or another Army is on it and sometimes even his name and current rank. It has been a pretty fun tradition, but can get a little frustrating at times when it is hard to find one. Well, this year I will continue with the tradition, only I am making his ornament along with one for every member of his team. This ornament will go downrange and (hopefully) come back in one piece to be put on our Christmas tree next year along with all of his other Army ornaments. I can't wait for him to see them and I hope Ian and his team like them.
Another day down, another day closer to seeing him.
Day 160: The Army Wife's Prayer
11/29/2011
Today is just one of those "lack of motivation" type of days. So, here is something I found online that I really liked and it is the outline of what I pray for every night, just said more eloquently than I could even hope for.
The Army Wife's Prayer
Dear Lord, Give me the greatness of heart to see the difference between duty and his love for me. Give me understanding that I may know, when duty calls him he must go. Give me a task to do each day, to fill the time when he's away. And Lord, when he's in a foreign land, keep him safe in your loving hand. And Lord, when duty is in the field, please protect him and be his shield. And Lord, when deployment is so long, please stay with me and keep me strong. Amen. ~Anonymous
Today is just one of those "lack of motivation" type of days. So, here is something I found online that I really liked and it is the outline of what I pray for every night, just said more eloquently than I could even hope for.
The Army Wife's Prayer
Dear Lord, Give me the greatness of heart to see the difference between duty and his love for me. Give me understanding that I may know, when duty calls him he must go. Give me a task to do each day, to fill the time when he's away. And Lord, when he's in a foreign land, keep him safe in your loving hand. And Lord, when duty is in the field, please protect him and be his shield. And Lord, when deployment is so long, please stay with me and keep me strong. Amen. ~Anonymous
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