12/18/2011
Today was a typical Sunday. I went to church and after church took the kids to lunch. It was a good time and we even saw a member of our church there and had a mini get-together. After we got home, we relaxed a little bit and then went to see the lights at BLORA with my awesome friends, Lyssa and Nathan, and their kids. We all piled in the car and the kids had a blast looking at the lights. We got home later than expected and I got the kids to bed as soon as possible.
Today at church, I was telling my best friend here about the news of my job being extended. As I was telling her, she asked when I found out and the answer was Tuesday. I told her that the principal found out Friday about my job but hadn't had a chance to talk to me until Tuesday. As I was telling her this, I realized it was God's way of dealing with me. I am a worrier by nature and have tried many times to let things go. I suck at it. As I was worrying last week about the fate of my job, Ian kept telling me to give it to God. Over the weekend, I struggled with it, and had not truly let it go. Monday night, I finally let it go. I decided that whatever happened, it would all be okay. It would be part of a plan that I have no idea about. Then, after fully giving it to God and accepting whatever happened, that next day I got the news about my job being extended. It was a sweet realization I had right there with my friend and it made me grateful for the anxious times of waiting. It helped me realize that things will work out as they are meant to and I have to just remain faithful.
So, here I am. I am remaining faithful that God will get my family and me through this. I am remaining faithful to the strength of my marriage and the love my husband and I share. Faith is the rock of my life and the thing that will get me through this deployment. Faith in God and in all He can do.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Day 179: Party time
12/17/2011
How would I ever get through a party without my awesome friends? Truth is, I wouldn't. I have not been able to pull off a party yet without help from at least one of my friends. Today was no different.
I didn't ask for one friend's help, I didn't ask for two friend's help, I asked for THREE different friend's help! I was so busy working on Natalie's cake that I did not have the time to run to the store like I thought I would. I also realized that I didn't have the party supplies, nor did I have enough frosting for my cake! It was a nightmare. Luckily, one of my friends was already heading off post to a store, and I asked her if she could grab the party supplies. She said that it was no problem. Then, my most awesome (and first) friend here sent me a text and asked if I needed something. So, of course, I gave her my commissary shopping list. The third friend is also a baker and was getting ready to get some stuff for her own cake, so I asked if she could grab me some supplies for icing, and she did. Then, when she showed up here for the party, I asked if she would hang out with the kids so I could go get pizzas, and she offered to go get them for me!
I will tell you, I have the best friends in the world. There is no better connection than that of an Army wife. We are there for each other. The friends who will bend over backwards, so far in my life, have been either current Army wives or prior Army wives. They all know what it is like and all know that we can't do it alone. So they do what they can to help, just as I do for my friends. It is how we all support each other and make it through this crazy Army life.
How would I ever get through a party without my awesome friends? Truth is, I wouldn't. I have not been able to pull off a party yet without help from at least one of my friends. Today was no different.
I didn't ask for one friend's help, I didn't ask for two friend's help, I asked for THREE different friend's help! I was so busy working on Natalie's cake that I did not have the time to run to the store like I thought I would. I also realized that I didn't have the party supplies, nor did I have enough frosting for my cake! It was a nightmare. Luckily, one of my friends was already heading off post to a store, and I asked her if she could grab the party supplies. She said that it was no problem. Then, my most awesome (and first) friend here sent me a text and asked if I needed something. So, of course, I gave her my commissary shopping list. The third friend is also a baker and was getting ready to get some stuff for her own cake, so I asked if she could grab me some supplies for icing, and she did. Then, when she showed up here for the party, I asked if she would hang out with the kids so I could go get pizzas, and she offered to go get them for me!
I will tell you, I have the best friends in the world. There is no better connection than that of an Army wife. We are there for each other. The friends who will bend over backwards, so far in my life, have been either current Army wives or prior Army wives. They all know what it is like and all know that we can't do it alone. So they do what they can to help, just as I do for my friends. It is how we all support each other and make it through this crazy Army life.
Day 178: Guilty
12/16/2011
Today was the last day of school before the Christmas break. It was a day filled with music and Christmas parties. Last night I asked a friend of mine to come sit with my kids because I had forgotten to get the things needed for each of my kids parties, and remembered after they were all in bed. I am so blessed to have friends that I can call to help me out in these kinds of cases, because if not, my kids would have been out with me until 10pm. Luckily, my friend came and I went and got everything needed for the kids' various class parties. This morning we hauled it all in and I had to get right to work. It was also a short day, so we had a lot to do and a little bit of time to do it in.
Overall, it was a fun day at school. Unfortunately, the fun had to stop when we got home because it was time to get the house ready for the party. So, the kids had to clean up a bit and I had to work on Natalie's cake. It still isn't done, but it is done enough so that I can finish it up tomorrow morning.
Ian called tonight. As I was talking to him, I let it slip about how stressed I am about the house not being done yet and all that I still had to do with it and the house. All he could say was that he was sorry he wasn't here. I tried to tell him that I wasn't complaining to make him feel bad, just that I needed to whine a little with him. He understood, but still felt like if he had been here, the house would have been done by now. It is a never ending guilt battle, him feeling bad for not being here, me feeling bad for not doing well enough. It is something we are both working on, but in the high stress times, like right now, we backslide a little and get back into feeling guilty. Hopefully he understands that I am doing okay and sometimes just need to complain a little bit. I know it is hard on him not being here, but I know if he were here, he would do all he could to help me. That is about as good as it gets.
Getting closer, everyday, we are getting closer.
Today was the last day of school before the Christmas break. It was a day filled with music and Christmas parties. Last night I asked a friend of mine to come sit with my kids because I had forgotten to get the things needed for each of my kids parties, and remembered after they were all in bed. I am so blessed to have friends that I can call to help me out in these kinds of cases, because if not, my kids would have been out with me until 10pm. Luckily, my friend came and I went and got everything needed for the kids' various class parties. This morning we hauled it all in and I had to get right to work. It was also a short day, so we had a lot to do and a little bit of time to do it in.
Overall, it was a fun day at school. Unfortunately, the fun had to stop when we got home because it was time to get the house ready for the party. So, the kids had to clean up a bit and I had to work on Natalie's cake. It still isn't done, but it is done enough so that I can finish it up tomorrow morning.
Ian called tonight. As I was talking to him, I let it slip about how stressed I am about the house not being done yet and all that I still had to do with it and the house. All he could say was that he was sorry he wasn't here. I tried to tell him that I wasn't complaining to make him feel bad, just that I needed to whine a little with him. He understood, but still felt like if he had been here, the house would have been done by now. It is a never ending guilt battle, him feeling bad for not being here, me feeling bad for not doing well enough. It is something we are both working on, but in the high stress times, like right now, we backslide a little and get back into feeling guilty. Hopefully he understands that I am doing okay and sometimes just need to complain a little bit. I know it is hard on him not being here, but I know if he were here, he would do all he could to help me. That is about as good as it gets.
Getting closer, everyday, we are getting closer.
Day 177: Reminders
12/16/2011
I had to laugh this morning. I was getting ready to brush my teeth when I picked up the toothpaste and noticed it was running low. The funny part was that it wasn't flattened from the bottom up. I never do that, Ian does. He is always the one that flattens the toothpaste to get the most out of it. He even gives me crap for not doing it. So today, as I was getting ready for work, I had to flatten the toothpaste and it made me smile and think about Ian.
It is a reoccurring thing. Little things remind me of him. Like finding his socks in the laundry or taking out the trash which was something he did or driving his Jeep. It is something that keeps Ian on my mind, even though I don't need the help, because he is always there. They are things that make me smile at the oddest times. I probably look goofy, smiling when I am taking out the trash or doing laundry, but I am okay with it. It is the connection I need to keep with Ian.
Another day down, another day closer to seeing him again.
I had to laugh this morning. I was getting ready to brush my teeth when I picked up the toothpaste and noticed it was running low. The funny part was that it wasn't flattened from the bottom up. I never do that, Ian does. He is always the one that flattens the toothpaste to get the most out of it. He even gives me crap for not doing it. So today, as I was getting ready for work, I had to flatten the toothpaste and it made me smile and think about Ian.
It is a reoccurring thing. Little things remind me of him. Like finding his socks in the laundry or taking out the trash which was something he did or driving his Jeep. It is something that keeps Ian on my mind, even though I don't need the help, because he is always there. They are things that make me smile at the oddest times. I probably look goofy, smiling when I am taking out the trash or doing laundry, but I am okay with it. It is the connection I need to keep with Ian.
Another day down, another day closer to seeing him again.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Day 176: Where is my tap-out?
12/15/11
Despite having such a great day yesterday, I am so over this deployment. My kids, like myself, have been having a hard time adjusting and dealing with Ian returning downrange. My son in particular has been having more and more bad days and can't seem to find his step in school again. I have tried everything with him to try and get him to understand that he needs to behave better. Nothing so far is working. I am just having to be consistent and hope that he will readjust soon.
Until then, I am really needing a tap-out. It is something that Ian and I have always been really good at. When I get stressed out with the kids and need a break, he steps in and deals with whatever the issue is, and vice versa. We team parent well, and I am really missing it right now. I am at that point where the kids are doing everything they can to push my buttons (maybe not really, but it feels that way sometimes). I know they are kids, but man, I could tell them not to do something, and 30 seconds later they do it. I could ask them to do their chores and they don't, or they cry about it, which starts the epic battle of trying to get them to do it. Usually it ends up with me sitting there and getting on to them to do their chores. After about 20 minutes, it starts to get frustrating... Que Ian. He comes in and tells me to take a break and he sits with the kids to make sure they do what they are supposed to. Now that I don't have that, I find myself just letting the kids slide on their chores because I don't want to try to get them to do them. It is just easier to do it myself. Problem is that it gets overwhelming when I am working and everything else I am doing right now. Just upkeep is hard to do with the lack of sleep I am getting lately.
I also miss having my husband here for those late night shopping trips. Tonight was one of those nights. I forgot to pick up the stuff for my kids' parties and didn't remember until after 8:15pm when my kids were already in bed. Luckily a friend of mine was willing to come and sit with my kids so I could go to the store. Luckily that especially without Ian here, I have some really awesome friends willing to help me out. Even when I need to tap-out I have friends that are willing to take over a little and give me a break. For that I am thankful, but still, I miss him.
Despite having such a great day yesterday, I am so over this deployment. My kids, like myself, have been having a hard time adjusting and dealing with Ian returning downrange. My son in particular has been having more and more bad days and can't seem to find his step in school again. I have tried everything with him to try and get him to understand that he needs to behave better. Nothing so far is working. I am just having to be consistent and hope that he will readjust soon.
Until then, I am really needing a tap-out. It is something that Ian and I have always been really good at. When I get stressed out with the kids and need a break, he steps in and deals with whatever the issue is, and vice versa. We team parent well, and I am really missing it right now. I am at that point where the kids are doing everything they can to push my buttons (maybe not really, but it feels that way sometimes). I know they are kids, but man, I could tell them not to do something, and 30 seconds later they do it. I could ask them to do their chores and they don't, or they cry about it, which starts the epic battle of trying to get them to do it. Usually it ends up with me sitting there and getting on to them to do their chores. After about 20 minutes, it starts to get frustrating... Que Ian. He comes in and tells me to take a break and he sits with the kids to make sure they do what they are supposed to. Now that I don't have that, I find myself just letting the kids slide on their chores because I don't want to try to get them to do them. It is just easier to do it myself. Problem is that it gets overwhelming when I am working and everything else I am doing right now. Just upkeep is hard to do with the lack of sleep I am getting lately.
I also miss having my husband here for those late night shopping trips. Tonight was one of those nights. I forgot to pick up the stuff for my kids' parties and didn't remember until after 8:15pm when my kids were already in bed. Luckily a friend of mine was willing to come and sit with my kids so I could go to the store. Luckily that especially without Ian here, I have some really awesome friends willing to help me out. Even when I need to tap-out I have friends that are willing to take over a little and give me a break. For that I am thankful, but still, I miss him.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Day 175: An Amazing Birthday
Today was my youngest daughter's birthday. It was a day I was worried about because she is the biggest daddy's girl know to man. I knew she would be upset that daddy wasn't here to share it with her, so I wanted to do everything I could to make it a great birthday for her.
For starters, Ian was lucky enough to be able to call her this morning and tell her Happy Birthday. He also sent her a birthday present which she opened with him on the phone. It was really great to see and hear on my end. After that, I talked to Ian and heard the emotion there because he missed his family and is upset that he is missing his baby girl's birthday. I reassured him that I know it is hard but that we will get through it and that even though he isn't here, doing what he has done means the world to Natalie. After our phone call, we went to school and I had already made plans to have lunch with Natalie in her classroom so Natalie could Skype Ian. An awesome friend of mine helped me out by going to pick up lunch for Natalie and me since I only had 30 min for lunch, I didn't have enough time to go get lunch and then eat it with her.
Our lunch turned out to be the coolest thing for her birthday. She loved having lunch in her classroom and being able to act all goofy with her daddy. Ian also requested that she gets to have a cupcake with her, so he sang "Happy Birthday" to her again. It really made her birthday special. After school we came home and relaxed for a little bit. Then I went and dropped off the other two kids at my friend's house so Natalie could have a special night out with me. We went shopping for a new outfit for her and then went to dinner. We ended up going to Cracker Barrel and I got her a stuffed animal as part of her birthday presents. When we sat down for dinner, I told the waitress that it was Natalie's birthday so they could sing to her. Then Natalie told me how great her day has been and we talked about how cool it was that she was able to Skype with daddy during lunch. Then our meal came and we ate and continued to talk about whatever goofy thing Natalie came up with. After dinner, I ordered dessert and then they brought out my dessert and Natalie's birthday dessert and sang to her. Then the waitress brought out the check. She told me that only my dessert was on there, and I thought she meant that out of our two desserts, I only needed to pay for mine. She then told me that someone paid for our dinner. I asked who and she said she didn't know and they didn't leave a note or anything. I was shocked! I couldn't believe that someone would do that for me. I literally cried in the middle of the restaurant. It was the most amazing thing and yet, I couldn't thank anyone. I don't know what made them do it, but I appreciate it all the same.
This was the pick-me-up kind of day I have needed since Ian left. It has been hard for me for some reason or another, and I haven't been able to get out of my funk. Today, though, was a great day all around. I still miss my husband, but I have felt as close to him as I can be under the circumstances. I have been worried about the birthday today not being as "happy" as I wanted it to be, yet it turned out the be so much better than I ever thought it could be, not just for Natalie but for me too. I am so thankful for this day that I have been given.
For starters, Ian was lucky enough to be able to call her this morning and tell her Happy Birthday. He also sent her a birthday present which she opened with him on the phone. It was really great to see and hear on my end. After that, I talked to Ian and heard the emotion there because he missed his family and is upset that he is missing his baby girl's birthday. I reassured him that I know it is hard but that we will get through it and that even though he isn't here, doing what he has done means the world to Natalie. After our phone call, we went to school and I had already made plans to have lunch with Natalie in her classroom so Natalie could Skype Ian. An awesome friend of mine helped me out by going to pick up lunch for Natalie and me since I only had 30 min for lunch, I didn't have enough time to go get lunch and then eat it with her.
Our lunch turned out to be the coolest thing for her birthday. She loved having lunch in her classroom and being able to act all goofy with her daddy. Ian also requested that she gets to have a cupcake with her, so he sang "Happy Birthday" to her again. It really made her birthday special. After school we came home and relaxed for a little bit. Then I went and dropped off the other two kids at my friend's house so Natalie could have a special night out with me. We went shopping for a new outfit for her and then went to dinner. We ended up going to Cracker Barrel and I got her a stuffed animal as part of her birthday presents. When we sat down for dinner, I told the waitress that it was Natalie's birthday so they could sing to her. Then Natalie told me how great her day has been and we talked about how cool it was that she was able to Skype with daddy during lunch. Then our meal came and we ate and continued to talk about whatever goofy thing Natalie came up with. After dinner, I ordered dessert and then they brought out my dessert and Natalie's birthday dessert and sang to her. Then the waitress brought out the check. She told me that only my dessert was on there, and I thought she meant that out of our two desserts, I only needed to pay for mine. She then told me that someone paid for our dinner. I asked who and she said she didn't know and they didn't leave a note or anything. I was shocked! I couldn't believe that someone would do that for me. I literally cried in the middle of the restaurant. It was the most amazing thing and yet, I couldn't thank anyone. I don't know what made them do it, but I appreciate it all the same.
This was the pick-me-up kind of day I have needed since Ian left. It has been hard for me for some reason or another, and I haven't been able to get out of my funk. Today, though, was a great day all around. I still miss my husband, but I have felt as close to him as I can be under the circumstances. I have been worried about the birthday today not being as "happy" as I wanted it to be, yet it turned out the be so much better than I ever thought it could be, not just for Natalie but for me too. I am so thankful for this day that I have been given.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Day 174: Keeping the Faith
I have been really worried about the possibility that I would not have a job after the first of the year. I wasn't sure what was going to happen and have been waiting for the principal to tell me if I would have a job. I have been a wreak about it and worried that I would not have anything to help me get my credential and in turn not be prepared for when we do eventually get out of the Army. It has been eating away at me for the past week and there was nothing I could do about it but pray.
Well, after praying about it and leaving it to God to lay out my path, I found out from the principal today. She told me that I will have my job come the first of the year, for the rest of the school year, as long as they let her keep the position. When I found that out, it made my whole day better because I knew that my faith helped me through this. Once I gave it to God and decided to pray about it and not try to control it myself, I stopped being so anxious because I knew whatever happened, whether I had a job or not, my family and I would be okay. The best part is that I will be able to have one day off here and there so I can have time to run errands and do appointments during a school day. So, it really did solve all my anxieties. I will still have a job, and will also be able to get a day off to have time to myself. I am so grateful and blessed.
I have to look at what I have and know that God is good. My husband is safe and I am able to talk to him often. My kids are all healthy and I still have my job. My days are ticking down one by one, and despite where my husband my be, we are blessed just by having each other and knowing we have a best friend to share our lives with.
Well, after praying about it and leaving it to God to lay out my path, I found out from the principal today. She told me that I will have my job come the first of the year, for the rest of the school year, as long as they let her keep the position. When I found that out, it made my whole day better because I knew that my faith helped me through this. Once I gave it to God and decided to pray about it and not try to control it myself, I stopped being so anxious because I knew whatever happened, whether I had a job or not, my family and I would be okay. The best part is that I will be able to have one day off here and there so I can have time to run errands and do appointments during a school day. So, it really did solve all my anxieties. I will still have a job, and will also be able to get a day off to have time to myself. I am so grateful and blessed.
I have to look at what I have and know that God is good. My husband is safe and I am able to talk to him often. My kids are all healthy and I still have my job. My days are ticking down one by one, and despite where my husband my be, we are blessed just by having each other and knowing we have a best friend to share our lives with.
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