Day 176: Where is my tap-out?

12/15/11

Despite having such a great day yesterday, I am so over this deployment. My kids, like myself, have been having a hard time adjusting and dealing with Ian returning downrange. My son in particular has been having more and more bad days and can't seem to find his step in school again. I have tried everything with him to try and get him to understand that he needs to behave better. Nothing so far is working. I am just having to be consistent and hope that he will readjust soon.

Until then, I am really needing a tap-out. It is something that Ian and I have always been really good at. When I get stressed out with the kids and need a break, he steps in and deals with whatever the issue is, and vice versa. We team parent well, and I am really missing it right now. I am at that point where the kids are doing everything they can to push my buttons (maybe not really, but it feels that way sometimes). I know they are kids, but man, I could tell them not to do something, and 30 seconds later they do it. I could ask them to do their chores and they don't, or they cry about it, which starts the epic battle of trying to get them to do it. Usually it ends up with me sitting there and getting on to them to do their chores. After about 20 minutes, it starts to get frustrating... Que Ian. He comes in and tells me to take a break and he sits with the kids to make sure they do what they are supposed to. Now that I don't have that, I find myself just letting the kids slide on their chores because I don't want to try to get them to do them. It is just easier to do it myself. Problem is that it gets overwhelming when I am working and everything else I am doing right now. Just upkeep is hard to do with the lack of sleep I am getting lately.

I also miss having my husband here for those late night shopping trips. Tonight was one of those nights. I forgot to pick up the stuff for my kids' parties and didn't remember until after 8:15pm when my kids were already in bed. Luckily a friend of mine was willing to come and sit with my kids so I could go to the store. Luckily that especially without Ian here, I have some really awesome friends willing to help me out. Even when I need to tap-out I have friends that are willing to take over a little and give me a break. For that I am thankful, but still, I miss him.