Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Day 178: Guilty

12/16/2011


Today was the last day of school before the Christmas break. It was a day filled with music and Christmas parties. Last night I asked a friend of mine to come sit with my kids because I had forgotten to get the things needed for each of my kids parties, and remembered after they were all in bed. I am so blessed to have friends that I can call to help me out in these kinds of cases, because if not, my kids would have been out with me until 10pm. Luckily, my friend came and I went and got everything needed for the kids' various class parties. This morning we hauled it all in and I had to get right to work. It was also a short day, so we had a lot to do and a little bit of time to do it in.

Overall, it was a fun day at school. Unfortunately, the fun had to stop when we got home because it was time to get the house ready for the party. So, the kids had to clean up a bit and I had to work on Natalie's cake. It still isn't done, but it is done enough so that I can finish it up tomorrow morning.

Ian called tonight. As I was talking to him, I let it slip about how stressed I am about the house not being done yet and all that I still had to do with it and the house. All he could say was that he was sorry he wasn't here. I tried to tell him that I wasn't complaining to make him feel bad, just that I needed to whine a little with him. He understood, but still felt like if he had been here, the house would have been done by now. It is a never ending guilt battle, him feeling bad for not being here, me feeling bad for not doing well enough. It is something we are both working on, but in the high stress times, like right now, we backslide a little and get back into feeling guilty. Hopefully he understands that I am doing okay and sometimes just need to complain a little bit. I know it is hard on him not being here, but I know if he were here, he would do all he could to help me. That is about as good as it gets.

Getting closer, everyday, we are getting closer.

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