After school, I took the kids to Chuck E Cheeses for a fundraiser for Emily's school. I used to enjoy taking them, with Ian, and playing with them. This time, without Ian, it was more stressful than I would have liked. I know they don't let kids out without checking their stamps, but still, it was nerve-racking to have to keep track of all three of them, but especially Daniel. He runs from one place to another insanely quick, and I can never keep up with him. I just see a blonde fuzz-head zooming between the games. Normally, Ian would be on Daniel watch and I would be manning the table watching out for the kids and taking them to the bathroom as necessary. Without Ian, I had to walk around with the kids and when one had to go to the bathroom, we all went. I just didn't like the idea of leaving the other two in the restaurant by themselves. We made it through without incident, but it wasn't as much fun for me. I usually love watching the kids play and run back to me with their tickets and watching Ian playing with Daniel. This time, while I had fun playing with Daniel and the girls off and on, I was more anxious about their safety than I would have been had my teammate been here to help me out.
This is just one of the many reasons I miss him. I know we are ticking off days from the calendar, and I love that fact, but I seriously can't wait to see him again. One day at a time, we are making it and getting closer.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Day 258: Between a soldier and the girl he is fighting for
There isn't much Ian and I wouldn't do for each other. Our love is just that strong. We both can be pretty stubborn (myself especially), but when it come to one another, we can almost always convince the other to do what we know is necessary. I know that he loves me enough to force me to go to the doctor when I don't want to, and he knows I am only being pushy because I love him too. And, I do. I love him and just want to see him be healthy and happy.
Day 257: Getting closer
I got an email today from my FRG leader about the reintegration training. I know I talked about it a little while ago, but it is for real. I have to actually sign up for the class soon, because it is next week. It is a milestone in this deployment. It is something that says he is actually coming home soon and that we are making it through this deployment. I was asked today how much longer I have until my husband comes home. Instead of having the sad thought of it being a really long time left back when we were only a month or two into it, I can tell them that we are getting so close to it. I can tell them I have LESS THAN 3 1/2 MONTHS LEFT!!!!! It is something I am so excited about and proud of the fact that my kids and I are working our way through it and of just how strong my kids have been. I know the only thing that makes me more proud is just the fact that my husband is an amazing soldier, fighting for our country, while still being there for his family.
One step at a time. One day at a time... Until he comes home to us.
One step at a time. One day at a time... Until he comes home to us.
Day 256: A step in the right direction
03/04/2012
I felt like today we continued taking steps in the right direction. We got up this morning, talked to Ian, and got ready for church. We got to church, had service, and then came home. I told the kids that if we got some chores done, since we didn't do any yesterday, that we could have a family game night with the Wii. The kids did great. They did what they were told and didn't argue with me. I didn't have to keep on them to do it and the did all of what I asked them to, not just a part of it, but all of it. While they did that, I worked on building my daughter's dressers. The kids came in periodically to help me with the dressers and were willing to bring me ice water or anything else I needed. It was just a nice change of pace from having to always be on them to do what I asked of them.
Ian and I are both very proud of our kids right now. It has been rough, and today they showed great improvement. Ian, though far away, is still very much my kids' dad and is always willing to talk to them if needed. He is not one to sit back and tell me that I have to deal with it on my own. He talks to the kids about correcting their behavior and praises them when they are making good decisions. Just like he would do if he were home with us. His talks have helped the kids know that he and I are still a team and that though daddy is far away, he is still "here" and they are still accountable to him too.
Another day done. Another step towards the end of the deployment and another step in the right direction with the kids. It has been a good day.
I felt like today we continued taking steps in the right direction. We got up this morning, talked to Ian, and got ready for church. We got to church, had service, and then came home. I told the kids that if we got some chores done, since we didn't do any yesterday, that we could have a family game night with the Wii. The kids did great. They did what they were told and didn't argue with me. I didn't have to keep on them to do it and the did all of what I asked them to, not just a part of it, but all of it. While they did that, I worked on building my daughter's dressers. The kids came in periodically to help me with the dressers and were willing to bring me ice water or anything else I needed. It was just a nice change of pace from having to always be on them to do what I asked of them.
Ian and I are both very proud of our kids right now. It has been rough, and today they showed great improvement. Ian, though far away, is still very much my kids' dad and is always willing to talk to them if needed. He is not one to sit back and tell me that I have to deal with it on my own. He talks to the kids about correcting their behavior and praises them when they are making good decisions. Just like he would do if he were home with us. His talks have helped the kids know that he and I are still a team and that though daddy is far away, he is still "here" and they are still accountable to him too.
Another day done. Another step towards the end of the deployment and another step in the right direction with the kids. It has been a good day.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Day 255: Don't judge
03/03/2012
Today is Saturday. It was kind of a busy day, but not in a hectic way. The girls had a music camp to go to today and it lasted from 9am-4pm. It is a camp that is run by a ministry that is desgined to outreach to military kids, especially those of deployed soldiers, but welcomes all. They offer the camp for free to military kids and only charge $15 for non-military kids. Unfortunately, Daniel is too young for this camp and he was very disappointed about that fact. I told him that we will be having our own day together and will go do something fun.
After dropping of the girls, Daniel and I went to breakfast. It was fun because Daniel was his usual silly self and we got to just hang out together. After breakfast, I decided to take Daniel to see "The Lorax." It was fun for us to watch a movie together and we both enjoyed the movie, too. Daniel has been learning about recycling at school this past week, and this movie made him want to save the earth even more. He is so cute when he talks about wanting to go and plant trees and recycle, which he has been doing nonstop since seeing that movie. After the movie we went home for a little bit to rest. Then we ran to the store before picking up the girls. After that, we hung out as a family at home and I have to say that I am already seeing an improvement in Emily. I know it is just the first day after, but I am hopeful.
At breakfast, I have to be honest, I was judged kinda harshly by the waitress (at least that is how it came off to me). Just after we were seated, Ian called me and then the waitress came by to ask us what we would like to drink. I hated to be on the phone while I was ordering our drinks, but I wasn't about to hang up on him, though I did ask him to hold on a second. So, I ordered our drinks but told her we weren't ready to order yet. She looked a bit perturbed and when she brought back our drinks, we still weren't ready to order and she said she would come back in a minute. Well, it took her a long time to come back and take our order which is something I think she did on purpose because she gave me a nasty look when she saw I was still on the phone when she brought our drinks to us. And, I understand. It is annoying when someone is on the phone and you are trying to talk to them or serve them, but I really was trying so hard to talk to her and even asked Ian to hold on so I could greet her and talk politely to her. When she came back to get our order, Ian and I had switched to Skype and she saw him on the screen as he was talking to Daniel. She asked if that was my husband and if we were Skyping him overseas and I told her we were. Her attitude abruptly changed. She immediately smiled at us, offered us more time if we needed, and when Daniel was ordering, she encouraged him to continue talking to his daddy after he finished ordering. She was very nice to me as she took my order and was completely different than the first impression I got of her. I wasn't upset with her about her initial reaction to me being on the phone, but was glad that she realized how important that call was to me. When she brought the check by, she was again super sweet and told me that she gave me the 10% military discount and thanked me for my husband's service. I told her thank you for that and that I would pass along the message to my husband. I guess it goes to show that you can't judge a person just because they are on the phone or seem distant. You never know what that person is dealing with. The person on the other end of the call could be a deployed soldier or someone they don't have any control over how often or when they get to talk to them. That phone call could mean everything to them and could be the only opportunity they have for a while. You just never really know, so how can you judge?
Today is Saturday. It was kind of a busy day, but not in a hectic way. The girls had a music camp to go to today and it lasted from 9am-4pm. It is a camp that is run by a ministry that is desgined to outreach to military kids, especially those of deployed soldiers, but welcomes all. They offer the camp for free to military kids and only charge $15 for non-military kids. Unfortunately, Daniel is too young for this camp and he was very disappointed about that fact. I told him that we will be having our own day together and will go do something fun.
After dropping of the girls, Daniel and I went to breakfast. It was fun because Daniel was his usual silly self and we got to just hang out together. After breakfast, I decided to take Daniel to see "The Lorax." It was fun for us to watch a movie together and we both enjoyed the movie, too. Daniel has been learning about recycling at school this past week, and this movie made him want to save the earth even more. He is so cute when he talks about wanting to go and plant trees and recycle, which he has been doing nonstop since seeing that movie. After the movie we went home for a little bit to rest. Then we ran to the store before picking up the girls. After that, we hung out as a family at home and I have to say that I am already seeing an improvement in Emily. I know it is just the first day after, but I am hopeful.
At breakfast, I have to be honest, I was judged kinda harshly by the waitress (at least that is how it came off to me). Just after we were seated, Ian called me and then the waitress came by to ask us what we would like to drink. I hated to be on the phone while I was ordering our drinks, but I wasn't about to hang up on him, though I did ask him to hold on a second. So, I ordered our drinks but told her we weren't ready to order yet. She looked a bit perturbed and when she brought back our drinks, we still weren't ready to order and she said she would come back in a minute. Well, it took her a long time to come back and take our order which is something I think she did on purpose because she gave me a nasty look when she saw I was still on the phone when she brought our drinks to us. And, I understand. It is annoying when someone is on the phone and you are trying to talk to them or serve them, but I really was trying so hard to talk to her and even asked Ian to hold on so I could greet her and talk politely to her. When she came back to get our order, Ian and I had switched to Skype and she saw him on the screen as he was talking to Daniel. She asked if that was my husband and if we were Skyping him overseas and I told her we were. Her attitude abruptly changed. She immediately smiled at us, offered us more time if we needed, and when Daniel was ordering, she encouraged him to continue talking to his daddy after he finished ordering. She was very nice to me as she took my order and was completely different than the first impression I got of her. I wasn't upset with her about her initial reaction to me being on the phone, but was glad that she realized how important that call was to me. When she brought the check by, she was again super sweet and told me that she gave me the 10% military discount and thanked me for my husband's service. I told her thank you for that and that I would pass along the message to my husband. I guess it goes to show that you can't judge a person just because they are on the phone or seem distant. You never know what that person is dealing with. The person on the other end of the call could be a deployed soldier or someone they don't have any control over how often or when they get to talk to them. That phone call could mean everything to them and could be the only opportunity they have for a while. You just never really know, so how can you judge?
Day 254: Serious talk
Well, I did it. Tonight I got some friends to keep my little ones for the night and took my daughter on a "Night of talking." I specifically told her this was not a "date night" like the other two had, this is a night to talk. I told her that her behavior has not been good enough to allow me to take her out and have fun. I told her tonight we are going to get some food and that is it. No fun afterwards, no new dress, just dinner and talking. She understood that her behavior has been less than good and she did not deserve a fun date night.
When we were halfway through dinner, I asked her if she knew what we were going to talk about. She told me that we were going to talk about her behavior and how it was unacceptable. I said she was correct. We talked about what has been going on with her and what might be causing her behavior. She told me that she thought a friend of hers might be a bad influence because she cursed a lot and was rude to people, so Emily thought she might be acting like her a little. I explained to her that she cannot blame her behavior on someone else, but that having good influences as her friends can make a difference. She also told me that she is really worried about her daddy. She said that one of her friends told her that her dad was shot in the leg in Afghanistan and it made Emily really scared that Ian will get hurt or won't come home. I tried not to lie to her. I told her that it is a valid concern, but that she knows daddy is okay every time we talk to him. I also told her to talk to me when she has these fears and we can pray about it together. I told her that every time I think of her daddy, I pray for him and that maybe she can start doing the same. She told me she does pray for him at night. I told her that was a great thing and to keep it up. We talked a little more about that and about Ian being gone and how that is affecting both of us. It was a good part of the talk.
After that, I told her what to expect if her behavior doesn't change. I told her that, as her mother, I am "required" to give her food, clothing, and shelter... Everything else is a privilege. Everything else, she has to work for too, just like her daddy and I do. I explained that there are children out there that do not always have food or are left alone for a long time by their parents. I told her the truth about kids whose lives were not as good as hers because she was thinking that her life is terrible. Once I explained that, I told her that if her behavior doesn't improve I will take away everything what what I am "required" to give her. Meaning that she would lose all toys, games, TV time, electronics, extra curricular activities, everything but her bed and clothes. Then, she would have to earn it all back, one by one. That seemed to make an impact. She knows I am serious about this and now realizes that what she has is not stuff she is entitled to, but stuff that her daddy and I give to her.
The talk was exactly what her and I needed. We both were able to get a feel for the other and able to explain a few things. I was able to tell her that I understood what was going on with her, but that it did not excuse her behavior. She told me that she wanted more talk time with me and we agreed to send the younger two outside to play so we could sit at the table and talk when she needed. Emily has also been given a fair warning to change her attitude before I take more drastic measures than just grounding her for the weekend. I hope this talk takes root in her and we can start working together and working through this all, but only time will tell.
When we were halfway through dinner, I asked her if she knew what we were going to talk about. She told me that we were going to talk about her behavior and how it was unacceptable. I said she was correct. We talked about what has been going on with her and what might be causing her behavior. She told me that she thought a friend of hers might be a bad influence because she cursed a lot and was rude to people, so Emily thought she might be acting like her a little. I explained to her that she cannot blame her behavior on someone else, but that having good influences as her friends can make a difference. She also told me that she is really worried about her daddy. She said that one of her friends told her that her dad was shot in the leg in Afghanistan and it made Emily really scared that Ian will get hurt or won't come home. I tried not to lie to her. I told her that it is a valid concern, but that she knows daddy is okay every time we talk to him. I also told her to talk to me when she has these fears and we can pray about it together. I told her that every time I think of her daddy, I pray for him and that maybe she can start doing the same. She told me she does pray for him at night. I told her that was a great thing and to keep it up. We talked a little more about that and about Ian being gone and how that is affecting both of us. It was a good part of the talk.
After that, I told her what to expect if her behavior doesn't change. I told her that, as her mother, I am "required" to give her food, clothing, and shelter... Everything else is a privilege. Everything else, she has to work for too, just like her daddy and I do. I explained that there are children out there that do not always have food or are left alone for a long time by their parents. I told her the truth about kids whose lives were not as good as hers because she was thinking that her life is terrible. Once I explained that, I told her that if her behavior doesn't improve I will take away everything what what I am "required" to give her. Meaning that she would lose all toys, games, TV time, electronics, extra curricular activities, everything but her bed and clothes. Then, she would have to earn it all back, one by one. That seemed to make an impact. She knows I am serious about this and now realizes that what she has is not stuff she is entitled to, but stuff that her daddy and I give to her.
The talk was exactly what her and I needed. We both were able to get a feel for the other and able to explain a few things. I was able to tell her that I understood what was going on with her, but that it did not excuse her behavior. She told me that she wanted more talk time with me and we agreed to send the younger two outside to play so we could sit at the table and talk when she needed. Emily has also been given a fair warning to change her attitude before I take more drastic measures than just grounding her for the weekend. I hope this talk takes root in her and we can start working together and working through this all, but only time will tell.
Day 253: Emotionally Drained
03/01/2012
I am writing tonight, not sure if I will be able to finish it because I am so emotionally drained. So, here it goes.... My oldest daughter is trying to be a teenager way too quickly. I don't know if this is in response to the deployment, school stuff, or just what is going on right now for her, but it is completely unacceptable. She is usually a great kid: Super funny, smart, well-mannered. She is not a spoiled brat and knows that she will encounter discipline when she makes the wrong decision. Always has, always will.
Well, lately, her attitude is starting to creep up. She is starting to back-talk me, have attitude when she is asked to do her chores, is rude to her siblings, and is taking on an attitude of entitlement. It has been getting worse and worse over the past few months, and has really hit my boiling point in the past two days. Yesterday, she did nothing but argue with me and said some of the meanest things to her siblings. Tonight, she did it again. My youngest daughter's bed frame is broken and I haven't been able to fix it over the past week and a half. Since then, she has been on a mattress on the floor. Occasionally, she has been feeling like she really doesn't want to be on the floor and asks if she can sleep with her sister. It is something they have done many times, without any major reason, but because Natalie asked, Emily had a fit. I gave Emily the option to either let Natalie sleep with her, or trade beds with her for the night. When she finally agreed to switch, she went back in the room and said a hurtful thing to her sister. Natalie came and told me, and it was the final straw for me. She has been so mean to both her siblings and I knew she needed to be separated for the night. So, I moved her into the "game room" and had her sleep on the futon. She proceeded to throw a fit for almost an hour. Eventually she fell asleep, but I am reminded of the times when she was a baby. Every once in a while, I would have to put her in her crib to cry because there was nothing more I could do for her. Or when she was a toddler and her terrible 2's/3's were in full swing and I had to ride out her fits and not give in. I feel just like that again... emotionally and physically drained.
I have a feeling that I am going to have to deal with her tomorrow. I need to get her alone, away from her siblings, and talk to her. She needs to know that this is unacceptable and that if it continues she will lose more of her privileges. I also need to let her talk and tell me what is going on. So, tomorrow, I am on a mission to ask a few of my friends if they can watch the other two so I can deal with her alone. Lets hope I can. Luckily, I have some great friends and I am pretty sure I can find a few that will help me. Another thing I love about my Army family.
Oh how I cannot wait until my love, my partner, and my other half is here to help me deal with these things. We are getting closer, but it seems like it is never going to end! I know that is the stress talking and that we are getting there. I just have to keep holding on.
I am writing tonight, not sure if I will be able to finish it because I am so emotionally drained. So, here it goes.... My oldest daughter is trying to be a teenager way too quickly. I don't know if this is in response to the deployment, school stuff, or just what is going on right now for her, but it is completely unacceptable. She is usually a great kid: Super funny, smart, well-mannered. She is not a spoiled brat and knows that she will encounter discipline when she makes the wrong decision. Always has, always will.
Well, lately, her attitude is starting to creep up. She is starting to back-talk me, have attitude when she is asked to do her chores, is rude to her siblings, and is taking on an attitude of entitlement. It has been getting worse and worse over the past few months, and has really hit my boiling point in the past two days. Yesterday, she did nothing but argue with me and said some of the meanest things to her siblings. Tonight, she did it again. My youngest daughter's bed frame is broken and I haven't been able to fix it over the past week and a half. Since then, she has been on a mattress on the floor. Occasionally, she has been feeling like she really doesn't want to be on the floor and asks if she can sleep with her sister. It is something they have done many times, without any major reason, but because Natalie asked, Emily had a fit. I gave Emily the option to either let Natalie sleep with her, or trade beds with her for the night. When she finally agreed to switch, she went back in the room and said a hurtful thing to her sister. Natalie came and told me, and it was the final straw for me. She has been so mean to both her siblings and I knew she needed to be separated for the night. So, I moved her into the "game room" and had her sleep on the futon. She proceeded to throw a fit for almost an hour. Eventually she fell asleep, but I am reminded of the times when she was a baby. Every once in a while, I would have to put her in her crib to cry because there was nothing more I could do for her. Or when she was a toddler and her terrible 2's/3's were in full swing and I had to ride out her fits and not give in. I feel just like that again... emotionally and physically drained.
I have a feeling that I am going to have to deal with her tomorrow. I need to get her alone, away from her siblings, and talk to her. She needs to know that this is unacceptable and that if it continues she will lose more of her privileges. I also need to let her talk and tell me what is going on. So, tomorrow, I am on a mission to ask a few of my friends if they can watch the other two so I can deal with her alone. Lets hope I can. Luckily, I have some great friends and I am pretty sure I can find a few that will help me. Another thing I love about my Army family.
Oh how I cannot wait until my love, my partner, and my other half is here to help me deal with these things. We are getting closer, but it seems like it is never going to end! I know that is the stress talking and that we are getting there. I just have to keep holding on.
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