Well, I did it. Tonight I got some friends to keep my little ones for the night and took my daughter on a "Night of talking." I specifically told her this was not a "date night" like the other two had, this is a night to talk. I told her that her behavior has not been good enough to allow me to take her out and have fun. I told her tonight we are going to get some food and that is it. No fun afterwards, no new dress, just dinner and talking. She understood that her behavior has been less than good and she did not deserve a fun date night.
When we were halfway through dinner, I asked her if she knew what we were going to talk about. She told me that we were going to talk about her behavior and how it was unacceptable. I said she was correct. We talked about what has been going on with her and what might be causing her behavior. She told me that she thought a friend of hers might be a bad influence because she cursed a lot and was rude to people, so Emily thought she might be acting like her a little. I explained to her that she cannot blame her behavior on someone else, but that having good influences as her friends can make a difference. She also told me that she is really worried about her daddy. She said that one of her friends told her that her dad was shot in the leg in Afghanistan and it made Emily really scared that Ian will get hurt or won't come home. I tried not to lie to her. I told her that it is a valid concern, but that she knows daddy is okay every time we talk to him. I also told her to talk to me when she has these fears and we can pray about it together. I told her that every time I think of her daddy, I pray for him and that maybe she can start doing the same. She told me she does pray for him at night. I told her that was a great thing and to keep it up. We talked a little more about that and about Ian being gone and how that is affecting both of us. It was a good part of the talk.
After that, I told her what to expect if her behavior doesn't change. I told her that, as her mother, I am "required" to give her food, clothing, and shelter... Everything else is a privilege. Everything else, she has to work for too, just like her daddy and I do. I explained that there are children out there that do not always have food or are left alone for a long time by their parents. I told her the truth about kids whose lives were not as good as hers because she was thinking that her life is terrible. Once I explained that, I told her that if her behavior doesn't improve I will take away everything what what I am "required" to give her. Meaning that she would lose all toys, games, TV time, electronics, extra curricular activities, everything but her bed and clothes. Then, she would have to earn it all back, one by one. That seemed to make an impact. She knows I am serious about this and now realizes that what she has is not stuff she is entitled to, but stuff that her daddy and I give to her.
The talk was exactly what her and I needed. We both were able to get a feel for the other and able to explain a few things. I was able to tell her that I understood what was going on with her, but that it did not excuse her behavior. She told me that she wanted more talk time with me and we agreed to send the younger two outside to play so we could sit at the table and talk when she needed. Emily has also been given a fair warning to change her attitude before I take more drastic measures than just grounding her for the weekend. I hope this talk takes root in her and we can start working together and working through this all, but only time will tell.
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