11/13/2011
This morning we went to church as a family for the last time until Ian comes home for good. It was a little sad, but again, I tried not to dwell on it. After church, we took the kids roller skating at the skate rink. I couldn't hack it in their skates because they hurt my feet, so after about 30 min I tapped out and just watched. Ian and the girls seemed to have a blast and skated almost the whole time they were there. Daniel wasn't as interested after the first 20 minutes, but would go out and skate in spurts. About halfway through, Daniel decided he did not want to skate anymore and tried to turn in his skates. I tried to get him to go back out with Ian and skate, and he told me that he will next time we come. I then reminded him that daddy is leaving this week, so this is the last day we have to skate with him. Daniel then told me that he knew that, but that daddy would just go to work and come back at night, like normal. That was hard for me because that is when I realized that he did not understand that Ian was heading back for Afghanistan. So, I sat down with him and explained it again. He cried a little, but mostly got a pouty face and then decided to go skate with daddy some more.
Skating was the kids "birthday" celebration with Ian. On our way home, we went to the commissary and got stuff to make dinner, and also let the kids pick out their own individual cakes for their birthday celebration. So, we came home and made dinner. After dinner, the kids each got their cakes out and we put a candle on them and we all sang "Happy Birthday" one by one. After they were all done, each kid got to take a huge bite out of their cakes and got to eat half of it. The idea is that since Ian will be (or has in Emily's case) missing the kids' birthdays, we would celebrate a little with Ian home. We were hoping to do one a day and spread them out over the 2 weeks, but time just slipped away from us. The kids didn't mind, and I think it actually turned out to be more fun this way because they each got their own individual cake to dig into.
On this kids' actual birthdays, Ian will still call like he did with Emily's (if he is available) and will still send them a little gift from just him. We just wanted a way for the kids to enjoy it with him physically here, and they did.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Day 143: Movie Day
11/12/2011
Today was just a hang out kind of day. We did some running around for stuff to send back to Afghanistan for Ian's team and then took the kids to see a movie. It was a free movie because it was an advanced, customer appreciation screening of Happy Feet 2. The kids really liked it and just loved sitting with Ian mostly. After the movie, we went home, had dinner, and played video games with the kids on our Wii. The best part was that they (well, I initiated it) got Ian to dance on a video game to a few "girly" songs. It was hilarious and, of course, I had to get it on video.
After we put the kids to bed, I decided to take Ian out to a movie. It wasn't my normal movie type, but I knew he wanted to see it, so we went. It was "Immortals" and it really wasn't that bad for me. Ian didn't like it as much as I thought he would, but that is because he knows a lot about Greek Mythology and it didn't follow it like he thought it should. Given that, he still enjoyed it and we just had fun seeing a movie together, just the two of us.
All in all, a good day spent with the family. The kids enjoyed the time with Ian and then Ian and I had some alone time. I can say that I am not looking forward to the day he goes back. I don't know how I will do, but for now, I am trying really hard not to focus on it.
Today was just a hang out kind of day. We did some running around for stuff to send back to Afghanistan for Ian's team and then took the kids to see a movie. It was a free movie because it was an advanced, customer appreciation screening of Happy Feet 2. The kids really liked it and just loved sitting with Ian mostly. After the movie, we went home, had dinner, and played video games with the kids on our Wii. The best part was that they (well, I initiated it) got Ian to dance on a video game to a few "girly" songs. It was hilarious and, of course, I had to get it on video.
After we put the kids to bed, I decided to take Ian out to a movie. It wasn't my normal movie type, but I knew he wanted to see it, so we went. It was "Immortals" and it really wasn't that bad for me. Ian didn't like it as much as I thought he would, but that is because he knows a lot about Greek Mythology and it didn't follow it like he thought it should. Given that, he still enjoyed it and we just had fun seeing a movie together, just the two of us.
All in all, a good day spent with the family. The kids enjoyed the time with Ian and then Ian and I had some alone time. I can say that I am not looking forward to the day he goes back. I don't know how I will do, but for now, I am trying really hard not to focus on it.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Day 142: Veteran's Day
I was brought up as a kid without having any family who served in the military other than my great-grandfather, as far as I knew. To me, at first, it was a day I got out of school. I never understood the reason for the holiday, but we celebrated it in my household every year. When I was in middle school, I was in band. We would march in the Veteran's Day Parade, and my dad would take us to a ceremony of some sort after the parade. I started to realize then just what Veteran's Day really was. My brother joined the Coast Guard while I was in middle school, and that gave me a personal insight into the military.
Then, I got into high school, and was a part of the ensemble who would play special events, most memorable being Memorial Day and Veteran's Day Ceremonies. It was a moving thing to play for war vets and watch them stand up and salute. I will never forget seeing these men, aged and some were seriously wounded in the line of duty, standing strong in their old uniforms or VFW jackets for the National Anthem and the songs for each branch of the military. Seeing the sense of pride they had for their time of service and for the country they served was an inspiring thing. Then, when we were done playing, THEY would thank US for playing! I would always tell them that we are the ones thanking them for their service, and were proud to be able to play for them.
So, Veteran's Day has been an important day for me since I started paying attention to what it meant. Since I became the wife of a soldier, I can't begin to explain to you how important it is for me now. I have seen first hand the sacrifices made by soldiers and their families for the protection of this great nation. I have seen the hardships that come with the decision to dedicate your life to your country and voluntarily putting your duties before your family for the good of your country. It is not easy, but it is something that we are all proud of. I know that when I thank people who have served or are serving, it always brings a smile to their face. I have been with Ian when someone has come up to him out of nowhere and told him thank you for serving. It makes me tear up a bit to see someone outside the military say that to my husband and makes me just that much prouder to be an American and the wife of a soldier.
No matter what day it is, if you see a veteran, no matter the age or length of service, tell them thank you. You never know if they have never heard it before or just how much better it could make their day. Remember this saying: "A Veteran- whether active duty, discharged, retired, or reserve- is someone who, at one point in his/her life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America' in the amount of 'up to and including his/her own life.'" That is a Veteran, ladies and gentlemen, and they deserve our thanks for all the sacrifices they make on our behalf.
To all the Veterans out there: My family and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts because without your service, we would not be able to enjoy living in the great country and enjoy the freedoms we have. To those families that support their Veteran family members: We thank you as well because without your support, your veteran would not have been able to stand up and fight for our freedoms. Thank you all who have served, are serving, and will serve, you keep America great! God Bless Our Military and God Bless America!
Then, I got into high school, and was a part of the ensemble who would play special events, most memorable being Memorial Day and Veteran's Day Ceremonies. It was a moving thing to play for war vets and watch them stand up and salute. I will never forget seeing these men, aged and some were seriously wounded in the line of duty, standing strong in their old uniforms or VFW jackets for the National Anthem and the songs for each branch of the military. Seeing the sense of pride they had for their time of service and for the country they served was an inspiring thing. Then, when we were done playing, THEY would thank US for playing! I would always tell them that we are the ones thanking them for their service, and were proud to be able to play for them.
So, Veteran's Day has been an important day for me since I started paying attention to what it meant. Since I became the wife of a soldier, I can't begin to explain to you how important it is for me now. I have seen first hand the sacrifices made by soldiers and their families for the protection of this great nation. I have seen the hardships that come with the decision to dedicate your life to your country and voluntarily putting your duties before your family for the good of your country. It is not easy, but it is something that we are all proud of. I know that when I thank people who have served or are serving, it always brings a smile to their face. I have been with Ian when someone has come up to him out of nowhere and told him thank you for serving. It makes me tear up a bit to see someone outside the military say that to my husband and makes me just that much prouder to be an American and the wife of a soldier.
No matter what day it is, if you see a veteran, no matter the age or length of service, tell them thank you. You never know if they have never heard it before or just how much better it could make their day. Remember this saying: "A Veteran- whether active duty, discharged, retired, or reserve- is someone who, at one point in his/her life, wrote a blank check made payable to 'The United States of America' in the amount of 'up to and including his/her own life.'" That is a Veteran, ladies and gentlemen, and they deserve our thanks for all the sacrifices they make on our behalf.
To all the Veterans out there: My family and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts because without your service, we would not be able to enjoy living in the great country and enjoy the freedoms we have. To those families that support their Veteran family members: We thank you as well because without your support, your veteran would not have been able to stand up and fight for our freedoms. Thank you all who have served, are serving, and will serve, you keep America great! God Bless Our Military and God Bless America!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Day 141: My Big Army Family
There is one thing I can say about the Army. It has given me a bigger extended family than I could have ever hoped for. I have a family even when I am away from my biological family. It is the biggest blessing in this lifestyle. My Army family, made up of soldiers, their wives, parents, and kids, are my support system and I am theirs. It is how we all make it through everything the Army throws at us, deployments, trainings, PCSing (moving), with our sanity still intact.... mostly.
We all get it. We know what it is like to be away from your family, but still needing the support of one. Today, my best friend here was scheduled to have her baby today via c-section. I told her I would help her out but all she could say was that my husband was home and she didn't want to interrupt our time together. I get that, but the problem is, that we are family. We are here for each other no matter what. Ian expected nothing less than for me to be there for my friend. It gave him a chance to spend some one-on-one time with the kids while I helped out a friend. I know my time with Ian right now is limited, but my other family needs me (well us really) too. My husband and I want to be there for this family if we are able, and today we were able. Some people think I am crazy to "waste" a day with my husband, but I don't see it as that. I see it as allowing my husband time to reconnect with the kids without me there to act as the go-between. I also see it as being who I am and showing that to my husband. I am a supporter, I support people. My husband knows that about me and loves me for it. He is the most important man in my life and I would not have gone if he was completely against it, but, again, he agreed that is was important that I went today and encouraged me to go. He called me a few times today to check in and see how things were going, and even came and waited with me for a while, so it wasn't a whole day spent away from him. We were still together throughout the day via either phone or in person. Then, I came home and spent the rest of the evening with him.
I know a lot of people think at the end of this R&R I will regret any time I did not spend with my husband when he was home. I know different. I know that I will be happy for the time we have spent together and will not regret the time I spent helping out one of my best friends while my husband spent time with his own kids. I think what I would regret was not being there for a friend when she needed me.
We all get it. We know what it is like to be away from your family, but still needing the support of one. Today, my best friend here was scheduled to have her baby today via c-section. I told her I would help her out but all she could say was that my husband was home and she didn't want to interrupt our time together. I get that, but the problem is, that we are family. We are here for each other no matter what. Ian expected nothing less than for me to be there for my friend. It gave him a chance to spend some one-on-one time with the kids while I helped out a friend. I know my time with Ian right now is limited, but my other family needs me (well us really) too. My husband and I want to be there for this family if we are able, and today we were able. Some people think I am crazy to "waste" a day with my husband, but I don't see it as that. I see it as allowing my husband time to reconnect with the kids without me there to act as the go-between. I also see it as being who I am and showing that to my husband. I am a supporter, I support people. My husband knows that about me and loves me for it. He is the most important man in my life and I would not have gone if he was completely against it, but, again, he agreed that is was important that I went today and encouraged me to go. He called me a few times today to check in and see how things were going, and even came and waited with me for a while, so it wasn't a whole day spent away from him. We were still together throughout the day via either phone or in person. Then, I came home and spent the rest of the evening with him.
I know a lot of people think at the end of this R&R I will regret any time I did not spend with my husband when he was home. I know different. I know that I will be happy for the time we have spent together and will not regret the time I spent helping out one of my best friends while my husband spent time with his own kids. I think what I would regret was not being there for a friend when she needed me.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Day 140: Trying to reign in the frustration
Today was a pretty good day, but was frustrating for me in that it didn't go as planned. I had the schedule in my head, and it just didn't happen that way. I expected my husband and dad to go and change the oil in my van and my husband's jeep this morning and they said it would take no more than an hour. Well, over 2 hours later, they finally make it back home. We were supposed to go to this drive thru safari that is about 20 min away from us, and I was frustrated now because we were late. The worst part is that I am not very good at hiding that kind of stuff and Ian knew I was frustrated. So, we went off to the safari and had a blast. My frustration quickly vanished when we got there and we were all having a good time feeding the animals. The best part was a camel named Mikey. Ian, the kids, and I were sitting in the bed of the truck with paper bags full of feed pellets as my dad was driving. We were throwing the feed to the other animals when we drove up close to Mikey. He walked right over to our truck, as it was moving, and reached right in and grabbed a full bag of feed right out of Natalie's hands and walked off. It made Natalie so upset for a minute until we gave her another bag and she saw how funny it actually was. Unfortunately, it happened so quickly that I did not get picture or video of it.
I have said this before, but these emotions I am facing are unexpected. I thought it would be a honeymoon time and I would be all happy-go-lucky. Instead, I am having times of frustration, anger, and guilt. I am trying to reign in my frustration and keep it from ruining any time I have left with my husband, but sometimes it is just not that easy. So far, it has only caused issues for a few minutes at a time and not a full day. This is actually an improvement from my norm. I have a tendency to be frustrated/mad most of the day. I guess what I am trying to say is that while, yes, I am having emotional "flare-ups" I have to give myself and Ian a little break and not expect everything to be perfect just because it is R&R.
I have said this before, but these emotions I am facing are unexpected. I thought it would be a honeymoon time and I would be all happy-go-lucky. Instead, I am having times of frustration, anger, and guilt. I am trying to reign in my frustration and keep it from ruining any time I have left with my husband, but sometimes it is just not that easy. So far, it has only caused issues for a few minutes at a time and not a full day. This is actually an improvement from my norm. I have a tendency to be frustrated/mad most of the day. I guess what I am trying to say is that while, yes, I am having emotional "flare-ups" I have to give myself and Ian a little break and not expect everything to be perfect just because it is R&R.
Day 139: Time needs to slow down, just for now....
Today was the first day the kids were out of school. We really didn't have anything planned because Daniel has been sick the whole time Ian has been home. So, we scheduled a doctor's appointment for him and spent the rest of the day with the kids, hanging out around the house. At the appointment, the doctor told us that he is basically having issues with his (undiagnosed) asthma. They can't diagnose him because he isn't old enough to do the test for it, so for now he is classified with Reactive Airway Disease. The doctor said that the wheezing she was hearing was pretty loud and she was pretty sure it is asthma. We have been treating him on our own, but ran out of the medication, so she refilled it and gave us more medications to attack it more aggressively. Hopefully he will be feeling better so we can get out and do more this next week.
It is a little depressing to think that we are just about half way through the R&R. I am trying not to focus on that and focus on the time I do have, but unfortunately, the thoughts tend to sneak up on me when I least expect. It is one of the hardest parts of this whole thing. You have to try and be in the moment and enjoy the time with your soldier, but you know the separation time is looming over your head and you don't want it to come. It is the same as when he was getting ready to deploy, I was enjoying the time with Ian, but his deployment date hung over my head. The only difference is that before the deployment, I had prepared for it as best as I could and knew the sooner it started, the sooner he would come back home, so in a way I was anxious for it to start. While the same can be true for right now, I am nowhere near ready for R&R to be over. While I know time will keep moving, I wish it would stand still for now and give me more time with him. So I am back to square one, knowing that the day I send him off to war again is coming and will be just as hard as day one. The one exception this time is that my support system of friends is a lot more solid than it was on day one and I am working now, which helps keep me busy. I know it will be hard and I will be sad, but I hope that knowing what happened the first day, I will be able to cope with it better.
It is a little depressing to think that we are just about half way through the R&R. I am trying not to focus on that and focus on the time I do have, but unfortunately, the thoughts tend to sneak up on me when I least expect. It is one of the hardest parts of this whole thing. You have to try and be in the moment and enjoy the time with your soldier, but you know the separation time is looming over your head and you don't want it to come. It is the same as when he was getting ready to deploy, I was enjoying the time with Ian, but his deployment date hung over my head. The only difference is that before the deployment, I had prepared for it as best as I could and knew the sooner it started, the sooner he would come back home, so in a way I was anxious for it to start. While the same can be true for right now, I am nowhere near ready for R&R to be over. While I know time will keep moving, I wish it would stand still for now and give me more time with him. So I am back to square one, knowing that the day I send him off to war again is coming and will be just as hard as day one. The one exception this time is that my support system of friends is a lot more solid than it was on day one and I am working now, which helps keep me busy. I know it will be hard and I will be sad, but I hope that knowing what happened the first day, I will be able to cope with it better.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Day 138: Not too quiet for me tonight
Today was a great day with my husband. We sent the kids to school for one more day and Ian and I went golfing. Neither of us have been golfing in a while and didn't do so well. Despite that, we really had fun and enjoyed spending the time together. After golfing we went and had lunch and then picked up the kids. We then went home and enjoyed time together before heading to the movies. The on post theater has $1 movie nights on Sunday and Monday. Usually we don't go because it is a school night, but we decided to keep the kids out of school for the last half of R&R to spend extra time with Ian. So, we went to see "Dolphin Tale" last night. It was a cute movie and the kids really enjoyed it. They spent most of the time wrapped around Ian or sitting on his lap. They really have missed him and enjoyed spending time with him.
So, now here I am, sitting in bed typing. Usually I have to turn on my iPod and have some music playing or have the TV going because it is too quiet in here without Ian. Tonight, Ian is asleep next to me, and the sound of his light snore is comforting and keeps the room from being too quiet. I realized this whole time that he has been gone and I needed the noise substitution, that it wasn't the absence of noise that was the problem, it was the fact that I didn't feel safe and secure when he was gone. I thought the noise I would have on was to drown out the little "house noises" that would make me nervous and keep me up (a little part was), but even with him home, I still hear the noises. It is just that when he is home, they don't bother me because I know he is home and will protect me. Not sure if this is really making sense, but I just feel safer with hearing his snoring next to me. I am so blissfully happy at this moment and am trying not to think about next week.
So, now here I am, sitting in bed typing. Usually I have to turn on my iPod and have some music playing or have the TV going because it is too quiet in here without Ian. Tonight, Ian is asleep next to me, and the sound of his light snore is comforting and keeps the room from being too quiet. I realized this whole time that he has been gone and I needed the noise substitution, that it wasn't the absence of noise that was the problem, it was the fact that I didn't feel safe and secure when he was gone. I thought the noise I would have on was to drown out the little "house noises" that would make me nervous and keep me up (a little part was), but even with him home, I still hear the noises. It is just that when he is home, they don't bother me because I know he is home and will protect me. Not sure if this is really making sense, but I just feel safer with hearing his snoring next to me. I am so blissfully happy at this moment and am trying not to think about next week.
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