Day 139: Time needs to slow down, just for now....

Today was the first day the kids were out of school. We really didn't have anything planned because Daniel has been sick the whole time Ian has been home. So, we scheduled a doctor's appointment for him and spent the rest of the day with the kids, hanging out around the house. At the appointment, the doctor told us that he is basically having issues with his (undiagnosed) asthma. They can't diagnose him because he isn't old enough to do the test for it, so for now he is classified with Reactive Airway Disease. The doctor said that the wheezing she was hearing was pretty loud and she was pretty sure it is asthma. We have been treating him on our own, but ran out of the medication, so she refilled it and gave us more medications to attack it more aggressively. Hopefully he will be feeling better so we can get out and do more this next week.

It is a little depressing to think that we are just about half way through the R&R. I am trying not to focus on that and focus on the time I do have, but unfortunately, the thoughts tend to sneak up on me when I least expect. It is one of the hardest parts of this whole thing. You have to try and be in the moment and enjoy the time with your soldier, but you know the separation time is looming over your head and you don't want it to come. It is the same as when he was getting ready to deploy, I was enjoying the time with Ian, but his deployment date hung over my head. The only difference is that before the deployment, I had prepared for it as best as I could and knew the sooner it started, the sooner he would come back home, so in a way I was anxious for it to start. While the same can be true for right now, I am nowhere near ready for R&R to be over. While I know time will keep moving, I wish it would stand still for now and give me more time with him. So I am back to square one, knowing that the day I send him off to war again is coming and will be just as hard as day one. The one exception this time is that my support system of friends is a lot more solid than it was on day one and I am working now, which helps keep me busy. I know it will be hard and I will be sad, but I hope that knowing what happened the first day, I will be able to cope with it better.