Today has been one of those days where it would have been really nice if my husband was home. Luckily, I was able to talk to him over Skype and have him talk to our daughter who was giving me issues. It helped that I got to step back and take a deep breath. I am still not in the best mood, but glad he was able to step in, despite being so far away. It is again another reason why I love technology.
Even though it has been a hard night I try to remain optimistic. Today is day 252. Moving as I have, one day at a time, I am working my way through this year-long deployment we are in. Some days are good, some not so much. No matter what, though, I know this is something I can't just quit. I can't just walk away from it. I can't just say that I am done with it and bring my husband home. It is something I have to see through until he does his time downrange. I will do it, but some days I am better at than others.
Despite the fact that this has been/is one of the hardest years in my life, it has and continues to be a year of growth. It will be a year where we faced adversity and overcame it. It will be a year of transformation and change for all of us. None of us will come out of this deployment the same as we went in... Then again, that is not always a bad thing. We could be coming out of it in better shape than when we went into it. I know that it doesn't always work out that way, but I hope it does. I hope I can say that I learned a lot about myself, about my husband, and about our marriage. I hope I can say that I came out of this deployment stronger than when I went into it. I hope I can say all that, but only time will tell.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Day 251: Aww, he loves me!
I can't seem to shout it out enough just how awesome my husband is, especially through this deployment. Time after time, he does or says something sweet just to show me he cares about me and about how I am doing. Tonight we talked on Skype and brought up finances again. We are both just so excited about paying stuff down that we want to make sure we are staying on track and that we are both on the same page. This time we went over when my paydays are and how much (approximately) we can expect from each paycheck.
Also, we went over when my days off are going to be for the rest of the year, since I have to take one day off every 30 days. Well, my next day off is on the 1st of March. After that the last mandatory day off is in May. Well, my husband told me that he wants me to allocate some extra money to myself that month. He wants me to take that day off and spend it pampering myself and relaxing. I told him that I can't do that because we are trying to pay stuff off and that kind of spending is not okay. He told me that he wants me to have something else to look forward to between the time that my parents are here and the day that my husband is coming home.
Isn't he such a great guy? And he is mine! I love him! I tried arguing with him about it, but he would not allow that and told me that I am going to take some extra money and use it to get a manicure, pedicure, and maybe a massage. Anything just for me. So, I agreed that I would do it. In a way, I would love to have a day like that. On the other hand, I really want to use the money for paying off my student loans. Ian just keeps telling me that I am allowed to spend money on myself every once in a while and that I deserve to be pampered a bit. He truly does care for my well-being and I think he really can understand the stresses of being the one at home.
One day at a time, and I am making it through this deployment. I can't wait until I see him again! Once I am in his arms again and he in mine, this past year will be behind us, and the rest of our lives will stretch out in front of us.
Also, we went over when my days off are going to be for the rest of the year, since I have to take one day off every 30 days. Well, my next day off is on the 1st of March. After that the last mandatory day off is in May. Well, my husband told me that he wants me to allocate some extra money to myself that month. He wants me to take that day off and spend it pampering myself and relaxing. I told him that I can't do that because we are trying to pay stuff off and that kind of spending is not okay. He told me that he wants me to have something else to look forward to between the time that my parents are here and the day that my husband is coming home.
Isn't he such a great guy? And he is mine! I love him! I tried arguing with him about it, but he would not allow that and told me that I am going to take some extra money and use it to get a manicure, pedicure, and maybe a massage. Anything just for me. So, I agreed that I would do it. In a way, I would love to have a day like that. On the other hand, I really want to use the money for paying off my student loans. Ian just keeps telling me that I am allowed to spend money on myself every once in a while and that I deserve to be pampered a bit. He truly does care for my well-being and I think he really can understand the stresses of being the one at home.
One day at a time, and I am making it through this deployment. I can't wait until I see him again! Once I am in his arms again and he in mine, this past year will be behind us, and the rest of our lives will stretch out in front of us.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Day 250: Accomplishing our goals
I am pretty excited right now for all the changes Ian and I are making in our lives. I have stated before that I wanted to accomplish a lot more during this deployment than what I have accomplished. But right now, I am excited for what I will accomplish and the plans we have laid out and goals we will reach. We are working out budget well and I have been doing really well at watching what I am spending. I am cooking at home more and keeping within budget when we do go out.
As I have told you before, our marriage thrives on communication. It has been something we have been pretty good at throughout our marriage. This deployment, though, has given us more of a challenge, and so far, we have risen to that challenge and are continuing to keep our marriage strong. Last night, we had our bi-monthly (at least) budget talks. We decided what we will need for the next two weeks, what we want, and what we will start paying down this month. We also got our tax return and have decided that it will be used to pay off bills and for our vacation we plan to take when Ian comes home for good. With that money, and a plan to use the rest of my paychecks to pay off bills, we are making a dent in our debt and will have a few payments knocked out by the time he gets back.
Individually, Ian and I are working on ourselves. Ian is continuing to better himself with rigorous PT (Physical Training) and continues to work on new ways to communicate with the kids and me. I am working on myself physically, working towards a 5k in December, as well as working on myself spiritually and emotionally. I am trying to better myself in all aspects, so that again, my husband has something to come home to. Someone who has changed for the better but not too much that I am not the same person he fell in love with.
Another day done, another day closer to seeing him again.
As I have told you before, our marriage thrives on communication. It has been something we have been pretty good at throughout our marriage. This deployment, though, has given us more of a challenge, and so far, we have risen to that challenge and are continuing to keep our marriage strong. Last night, we had our bi-monthly (at least) budget talks. We decided what we will need for the next two weeks, what we want, and what we will start paying down this month. We also got our tax return and have decided that it will be used to pay off bills and for our vacation we plan to take when Ian comes home for good. With that money, and a plan to use the rest of my paychecks to pay off bills, we are making a dent in our debt and will have a few payments knocked out by the time he gets back.
Individually, Ian and I are working on ourselves. Ian is continuing to better himself with rigorous PT (Physical Training) and continues to work on new ways to communicate with the kids and me. I am working on myself physically, working towards a 5k in December, as well as working on myself spiritually and emotionally. I am trying to better myself in all aspects, so that again, my husband has something to come home to. Someone who has changed for the better but not too much that I am not the same person he fell in love with.
Another day done, another day closer to seeing him again.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Day 249: Sunday Sermon
Today at church was one of those sermons that you know God sent just for you. It was one of those ones that you know is a personal slap on the back of the head from God. The title of it was "Worry" and it was from Luke 12:22-28.
The moment the pastor said the title, it immediately made me think back to my posting titled, "Worried." I knew that I needed to listen, now more than normal. And it spoke to me. It told me that I need to trust in God and turn it all over to Him. Let Him help me deal with it. I can't deal with it alone and I definitely can't change anything by worrying. The pastor brought up a quote, but I can't remember the name of the person who said it. The quote was, "Worrying will not wipe away the sorrows of tomorrow, but will take away the strength of today." That really hit me. I know that being concerned about a job for next year is okay. It is worrying to the point of nausea that is not. That is not having faith in God and now allowing God to do what He has planned for me. So, it was right there, in the middle of my church that I asked God to forgive me and asked Him to let His will be done in my life and in this situation. I also asked Him to help me get rid of the worry and to continue to find my strength in Him.
That is not to say that I will not try and get a job. I will continue to put in my application and put my best foot forward with all employers. I will still work hard at getting a job and at making myself the best teacher I can be. The difference here is that I will not allow the worry to consume my life and I will continue to ask God for help and strength in my employment search. I will have faith and know that God will provide for me. I just have to know He will do it in His time.
The moment the pastor said the title, it immediately made me think back to my posting titled, "Worried." I knew that I needed to listen, now more than normal. And it spoke to me. It told me that I need to trust in God and turn it all over to Him. Let Him help me deal with it. I can't deal with it alone and I definitely can't change anything by worrying. The pastor brought up a quote, but I can't remember the name of the person who said it. The quote was, "Worrying will not wipe away the sorrows of tomorrow, but will take away the strength of today." That really hit me. I know that being concerned about a job for next year is okay. It is worrying to the point of nausea that is not. That is not having faith in God and now allowing God to do what He has planned for me. So, it was right there, in the middle of my church that I asked God to forgive me and asked Him to let His will be done in my life and in this situation. I also asked Him to help me get rid of the worry and to continue to find my strength in Him.
That is not to say that I will not try and get a job. I will continue to put in my application and put my best foot forward with all employers. I will still work hard at getting a job and at making myself the best teacher I can be. The difference here is that I will not allow the worry to consume my life and I will continue to ask God for help and strength in my employment search. I will have faith and know that God will provide for me. I just have to know He will do it in His time.
Day 248: Working on me
A friend of mine from work, who is about the same size as me, asked me a few days ago if I wanted to run a 5k with her. I told her she was crazy because the only running I do is if someone is chasing me. Then she said that she was talking about doing one in December and give us a little time to train for it. At first I said no, but then thought about the idea of having a set goal and a set date... Then I agreed to it. Well, I started a program called "Couch-to-5K," which is an app on my phone. It is basically made to help people get on the right track for training for a 5k. My first run was last night and it was a little rough, but I am glad I started it. It basically has you walk for 1.5 min, then jog for a min, and repeat. You do that for a half our, 3 times a week. The next week, it increases your running time little by little, until at the end of the 10 week program, you are running consistently. I have enough time left in the deployment to at least complete this program, which makes me a little happy. I can have at least something I can feel I have accomplished.
The other bonus is that my husband is a runner. And I am saying a serious runner. He loves to run. So, I am hoping that if I can do a 5k, maybe he can run it with me. Granted he will have to run a lot slower than he is used to, but it should be a great experience for us both. I can't wait for that.
I will keep you updated on my progress and let you know how it is all going. I can at least say that I am excited about this, and hopefully that excitement will help me finish what I am setting out to do.
The other bonus is that my husband is a runner. And I am saying a serious runner. He loves to run. So, I am hoping that if I can do a 5k, maybe he can run it with me. Granted he will have to run a lot slower than he is used to, but it should be a great experience for us both. I can't wait for that.
I will keep you updated on my progress and let you know how it is all going. I can at least say that I am excited about this, and hopefully that excitement will help me finish what I am setting out to do.
Day 247: God gave me you
You all know that every once in a while I share some lyrics that have, in some way, hit me on that day or that week. Well, the song that hit me today is yet another country song. It is pretty well known song now and has become a hit love song. It is called "God Gave Me You" by Blake Shelton. As I was driving around today, running more errands, I heard this song and got a little wistful. It made me think of Ian and of how lucky I am that he is the one God thought me worthy of loving. I am so blessed that God gave me Ian to spend the rest of my life with. No matter how far apart we are and no matter how long the separation, we are still together. We are still a team and will return to each other and continue on this path God has set for us, as a family.
The song has some great verses, some don't apply in a way, but the chorus is dead on. The last verse is about as true as it gets for me. So, here it is... The lyrics to "God Gave Me You" by Blake Shelton. If you have never heard it, look it up on YouTube. It is a great song.
The song has some great verses, some don't apply in a way, but the chorus is dead on. The last verse is about as true as it gets for me. So, here it is... The lyrics to "God Gave Me You" by Blake Shelton. If you have never heard it, look it up on YouTube. It is a great song.
"God Gave Me You"
I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be
But you stay here right beside me
And watch as the storm blows through
And I need you
Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
Gave me you
There’s more here than what we’re seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
And I’ll be the flattered fool
And I need you
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo
Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
He gave me you.
I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be
But you stay here right beside me
And watch as the storm blows through
And I need you
Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
Gave me you
There’s more here than what we’re seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
And I’ll be the flattered fool
And I need you
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you
On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo
Cause God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
And for when I think I lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
He gave me you.
Day 246: Mail
Today after school, as is my routine, I checked the mail before heading off post for our Thursday errands and activities. In the mail, I found two cards with the words "Free Mail" written where the postage should have been. They were cards from Ian. One was addressed to me, the other to the three kids. I let the kids read theirs first. My kids read the card Ian wrote to them telling them how much he missed them and how much he is looking forward to their cuddle and wrestle time that they will have in four months when he gets home. The kids all smiled and talked about how they can't wait for their daddy to come home, what their plans are for when he comes home, and how much they miss him.
Then, I opened my card. This is what I saw.
Yup, you guessed it.... I cried. Like a baby, I cried. I had to sit there in the car (luckily the kids were distracted by a movie) and I cried for a few minutes. It was exactly what I needed to hear from him. It has been rough for me for a while now, and sometimes I feel like I am failing him. Sometimes I feel like I am not holding down the fort well enough, like I am not holding on for him. I have felt down. This card told me exactly what I needed to hear, that I still matter and that he feels I am supporting him and holding on to him. It made me feel like I was doing okay at this and that my husband knew that I am here for him. He knows I am waiting for him and will continue to do so until he returns. No matter what we have gone through or will go through, we are there to hold on to each other. I am so grateful to have gotten this card, today of all days was particularly difficult. He sent it over 2 weeks ago not knowing when I would get it, and not knowing that it would show up just when I needed it to.
Then, I opened my card. This is what I saw.
Yup, you guessed it.... I cried. Like a baby, I cried. I had to sit there in the car (luckily the kids were distracted by a movie) and I cried for a few minutes. It was exactly what I needed to hear from him. It has been rough for me for a while now, and sometimes I feel like I am failing him. Sometimes I feel like I am not holding down the fort well enough, like I am not holding on for him. I have felt down. This card told me exactly what I needed to hear, that I still matter and that he feels I am supporting him and holding on to him. It made me feel like I was doing okay at this and that my husband knew that I am here for him. He knows I am waiting for him and will continue to do so until he returns. No matter what we have gone through or will go through, we are there to hold on to each other. I am so grateful to have gotten this card, today of all days was particularly difficult. He sent it over 2 weeks ago not knowing when I would get it, and not knowing that it would show up just when I needed it to.
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