I Keep On Trying

I am thankful about how amazing my husband is. How much he understands and how much he does, even when he is 7,000+ miles away, talking to me through a video call. I am beyond lucky to have him as my partner and best friend in this life.

Today was our oldest daughter's 11th birthday. I took the day off because I had a few appointments in the morning and in the afternoon, I picked her up for lunch and pedicures. Her and I had a great time and she loved every minute of our time together. Ian sent her a present just from him, a camera. She has started really getting into photography and he and I really want to encourage it.

It was a rough start to the day because I had to go take care of my ticket (the first and hopefully only one I have ever gotten), and found out I was a day late in turning in my paperwork. So now, I don't know what I am going to do. Now, I have to go talk to a judge and explain why I was a day late with my paperwork. I have been so overwhelmed with everything going on at work, home, and the deployment, that I forgot and got the dates mixed up. I am just afraid that if I do take the time off to go see the judge, he is just going to yell at me and say I am making excuses and I will still end up losing all that money. So, when Ian called me around lunch time (our time), he saw there was something wrong in my face. He talked to Emily for a minute about her birthday and the present he sent for her, and then the conversation went to me. I told him about what happened at my doctor's appointment and what happened with my ticket. I thought he would get upset at me, because after all I was the one who forgot and got the dates wrong. Instead, he told me it was okay and that he understands that I have had a lot on my plate. He told me not to be so hard on myself. I just cried and told him I was sorry over and over again. He continued to console me and tell me it was just money and that we would be okay either way. The most important part to him was my well-being and that of our kids.

I am so blessed to have him. I say that over and over again because, it's true.
I feel like I keep trying and trying and I can't seem to win. He just continues to encourage me.
The more I try at work, the more issues I have. He tells me to keep fighting.
I try to do things for my kids, but end up forgetting everything else I am responsible for. He tells me that I will work it out.
I try to keep my commitments, but end up losing out on time with my kids or time for myself. He helps me find help so I can do everything for my kids and myself.
I try to be nice to people I think are friends, but end up being told something mean that hurts me. He tells me they don't know what they are talking about because I am beautiful inside and out.
I keep trying and it feels like I am running in place. Ian sees it and he is ever the optimist. He is always the one telling me what the upside is, how it could be perceived in a positive way, or helping me to realize that I am being really hard on myself. I am a mess, and he still loves me. I am a mess and he is still willing to help keep me going.

I will keep on trying because, in the end, I know my family is worth it. In the end, I know I am worth it. I am worth trying for. My family is worth working for. I will keep on trying because failure is not an option. I will keep on trying because I know God will not give up on me. I keep on trying because I am me, and it is what I do. I will keep on trying because I am an Army wife and we work hard to keep our families together despite the miles between us. I will keep on trying because what other choice is there? To give up? To let other beat me and help to ruin my family? To let the deployment win and break apart my marriage? Those are not acceptable choices. The ONLY choice I have is to keep trying and keep fighting for those I love, no matter what I have to do.