Seeing the signs

I know my kids miss their dad. That is a given. They miss him so much because he has always been that dad who is there for everything and misses nothing if he can help it. He is the dad that is reading to them, tucking them into bed, and playing with them in whatever sport they want him to play. He is the loving dad that gives great hugs and uses the words "I love you" frequently. There is definitely a lot to miss about him.

I knew they missed him, but it is the little things that are said or the little signs they give off that show the true feelings they have. Natalie is a daddy's girl and has always taken Ian's absences hard. Always. She misses him instantly and even before he leaves, she misses him. For the most part you can read her like a book. The other day, however, she just stopped in to say hi and give the school counselor a hug (she's been out on maternity leave until just recently). So she said hi, gave her a hug, and then started just talking about anything and everything (she gets that from me.... it's a gift). As she is talking, out of nowhere she starts crying and the real feelings start coming out. I was happy that she had someone to talk to other than me because I know how important it is to have someone else outside the situation tell you that it is ok to have the feelings you have.

Daniel, on the other hand, is showing a little differently. He is starting in the typical behavior issues and problems at school and home. We are working on it slowly but surely. The thing that he said tonight made me really realize how much his dad being gone is really bothering him. He told me he is building a robot (out of scrap pieces of cardboard... yup, he's a boy) and has been taking pieces of cardboard up to his room (he keeps asking me for a knife... ummm, no). So tonight he was talking about all the pieces to his robot and says that this month his robot will be a daddy robot. Then says, "Wait no, it will be for the whole year." That little statement showed me just how much he misses dad.

I am trying to help them through, and Ian is too, but sometimes I don't know what I can do to help. I am grateful for the people we have in our lives, like our pastor, friends, and my coworkers, that are always so willing to talk to the kids and play with them. They help more than I think they could ever know. Sometimes, mom listening just doesn't cut it. They need to tell someone else to feel validated. When they talk to me, well of course I am going to say they have every right to be sad or miss their daddy because I miss him too. When someone else outside the situation says that then it must be ok because they don't really miss Ian like we do. So it makes them feel better.

I am starting to realize that I need to watch out for these signs more because they aren't always so obvious. If I can see the subtle signs, then maybe I can help them or know of someone who can. Well, at least that is my latest goal. :-)

Proudly, I tell you all we have made it through a month. It has been a hard fought battle on our end, but we have come through the first month. We are taking it a day at a time and working hard on successfully making it through this one.