Today was a pretty good day. I went to bed super late last night, as usual. So, when I woke up this morning. I was insanely tired and to top it all off I had a raging headache. After dropping off the kids at school, I came home, took some Motrin, and laid down for a nap. I only slept for about an hour and a half, but it was long enough to make my headache calm down a bit. I was so worried about the headache because it felt on the verge of a migraine and I had a training to go to today for substitute teachers. So, I really didn't want to be in serious pain during that. After my nap, my husband called me. It was completely unexpected. He told me that he wouldn't be able to talk to me today because he would be busy. I love the fact that, even though he is busy, or tired, he finds ways to talk to me. So we talked for a few minutes before he had to go and get in bed. He had an early training to deal with, so needed to hit the sack early. After that, I got ready for my training. The training itself was good, and shorter than they estimated to me. After the training I went and picked up Daniel and watched a friend's kids while she went and photographed a homecoming ceremony. All in all, a good day, aside from the headache.
I have said it many times, and I will probably say it many more times. I am so proud to be a part of such an amazing group of women as Army wives. Sure, there are some bad apples, some that don't act like they should, but in general, Army wives are about as supportive as it gets. I have found some amazing women on Facebook that I can talk to about the everyday struggles of being an Army wife with a deployed husband, and they understand. They are there to listen and offer advice and support. These are women I have never met face-to-face, but we are part of an elite group and we take our title as "Army wife" very seriously and with an immense amount of pride.
The few friends I have in my area are just as amazing. When I was told about the training on Monday, I immediately called my friend and asked if she would pick up my son from school until I got done with training (which they told me would last until 3:30 or 4 pm). She agreed but asked if I was going to be able to watch her kids at 5 when she had to go shoot some photos at the homecoming ceremony. I said that I would absolutely be able to do that. Well, this morning, she was told that the soldiers were coming home around 3:30 pm, not 5. So, we both went into panic mode and started making contingency plans. I was able to get another friend to take Daniel from her, and she found another friend to take her two youngest. Because she wouldn't have time to drop off Daniel and then take her oldest to the other friend's house, she was thinking about having to pull him out of school a little early today. I asked the friend watching Daniel if she would be willing to watch the other kid, and without hesitating, she said yes. She was more than ok with it, and would not accept being paid. In the end, though, my training only lasted until 2:30pm so, I was there by the time school ended and all the worry was unnecessary.
It was just amazing how we all just acted as quickly as we could to aid each other. Even though my two friends had never met, they were willing to help each other out and were also willing to ask for help. I am so blessed to have these awesome women as a part of my life. They were supportive and willing to help and be there for me and for each other. Man, I love being an Army wife with other phenomenal Army wives.
Another day has been and gone. I am getting so close to R&R and getting excited. We are making plans and getting insanely excited about the short amount of time we have. I know we will cherish every moment we will have together as a family. Just getting closer to it make me anticipate it more.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Day 70: I will not apologize for being me
Today was a good, busy day. I got to Skype with my husband and that was AMAZING! I love talking to him. No matter how much or how little we talk, we always have something to say. I hate to brag, but my husband and I have a truly great marriage. He really is my best friend, my safe harbor, and I am his. So, yeah, we had a great talk about everything under the sun. After that, I sat at home and set out a detailed plan of attack for the budget, my grocery list, and the kids' needs. I think it will help me stick to the budget if I do insane details on it. I then went shopping at the PX to buy the kids some nice, sturdy water bottles that they can take to school everyday. The ones they have are dollar store water bottles and they really don't seal up that well. They need water bottles at school, so I didn't mind using some of the spending money to get them decent water bottles. After the PX, I went to the commissary. That was fun! (sarcastic tone implied) Yeah, the commissary on payday, what a mess. You had to bring a cart in from the parking lot because there weren't enough in or around the actual building. Luckily, I survived. I made it through without too much hassle and kept it pretty close to on point with the budget. I then went home, unloaded groceries, and went to pick up the kids from school.
It was a good afternoon with them and after dinner we went to my church's women's bible study. I love being around phenomenal women like them and it is great to have people to pray with you about any worries or concerns you have. It was a great night.
Apparently, I have found out over the past few weeks, that I have rubbed a few people the wrong way. They don't like my blog, my Facebook, me, or a combination of the three. I have told those that have actually came up to me to talk to me about it that I will not apologize for who I am. I am a strong woman. I am an Army wife who is extremely proud and very much in love with her soldier husband. I am a good mother to three wonderful kids who can drive me crazy, but in the end are respectful and loving children. I speak my mind on Facebook and my blog, and even in person if you ask me. I am a woman of God, who loves her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I praise Him for everything He has given me and I pray often for the safety and well-being of my husband, children, and extended family. I am a good friend to those that are good friends to me. I am respectful and polite even to those who do not afford me the same courtesy. I am a passionate person and a protective one at that. This is me. Love me, hate me, dislike me. That is fine. But I will not apologize for being myself. If/when I have offended someone, I will gladly talk to them about it and will either explain or make amends as the situation calls for. But if you don't like me because I say how much I love and miss my husband, or because I brag about how great my children are, or because I say what I am feeling in my deployment blog, then, sorry, but I will not apologize for being me. I will not change. And I never once told you that you had to read what I write or agree with me. The only thing I ask of anyone who wants to be in my life, is that you just have to accept me. Accept that I am going to rub you the wrong way at least once, because, guess what, that is human nature. I can also gurantee that if you decide that you want to be friends, I can be a pretty awesome friend. If you don't want to be friends, that is ok too. It is your loss not mine.
I am just tired of people expecting me to apologize for being myself and for sharing my thoughts and feelings in various different forums. I don't mean to rant, but I am done being told that I write about missing my husband too much. That I need to dial back my feelings, fears, concerns, elation, etc. I just won't do it and I won't apologize for it. I am Army WIFE strong, and I can handle a few complaints.
Another day is done. I am now another day closer to seeing my husband again.
It was a good afternoon with them and after dinner we went to my church's women's bible study. I love being around phenomenal women like them and it is great to have people to pray with you about any worries or concerns you have. It was a great night.
Apparently, I have found out over the past few weeks, that I have rubbed a few people the wrong way. They don't like my blog, my Facebook, me, or a combination of the three. I have told those that have actually came up to me to talk to me about it that I will not apologize for who I am. I am a strong woman. I am an Army wife who is extremely proud and very much in love with her soldier husband. I am a good mother to three wonderful kids who can drive me crazy, but in the end are respectful and loving children. I speak my mind on Facebook and my blog, and even in person if you ask me. I am a woman of God, who loves her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I praise Him for everything He has given me and I pray often for the safety and well-being of my husband, children, and extended family. I am a good friend to those that are good friends to me. I am respectful and polite even to those who do not afford me the same courtesy. I am a passionate person and a protective one at that. This is me. Love me, hate me, dislike me. That is fine. But I will not apologize for being myself. If/when I have offended someone, I will gladly talk to them about it and will either explain or make amends as the situation calls for. But if you don't like me because I say how much I love and miss my husband, or because I brag about how great my children are, or because I say what I am feeling in my deployment blog, then, sorry, but I will not apologize for being me. I will not change. And I never once told you that you had to read what I write or agree with me. The only thing I ask of anyone who wants to be in my life, is that you just have to accept me. Accept that I am going to rub you the wrong way at least once, because, guess what, that is human nature. I can also gurantee that if you decide that you want to be friends, I can be a pretty awesome friend. If you don't want to be friends, that is ok too. It is your loss not mine.
I am just tired of people expecting me to apologize for being myself and for sharing my thoughts and feelings in various different forums. I don't mean to rant, but I am done being told that I write about missing my husband too much. That I need to dial back my feelings, fears, concerns, elation, etc. I just won't do it and I won't apologize for it. I am Army WIFE strong, and I can handle a few complaints.
Another day is done. I am now another day closer to seeing my husband again.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Day 69: Children can be quite the leaders
Today has been quite the emotional day. I am a little too emotional right now to blog, because, once it is out there, I can't take it back. So, I am going to keep this short today.
Yesterday, my son went out to the backyard at 5pm and I went out looking for him. I found him standing stark still, saluting because it was the sounding of retreat. He knows that everyday at 5pm when retreat sounds, that his daddy would be standing up saluting the flag. Daniel now does that almost everyday. As soon as he hears it, he disappears to go outside. It doesn't matter if his favorite show is on TV, he still runs outside as soon as he hears it. Some of the time I miss it until he comes back inside. Other times I stand there and watch in awed silence as my son stands at attention to remember his dad. It truly is amazing to watch my son do something that shows his love and support for his dad.
There is something to be learned from my son. I have learned that showing your love and support is not always through care packages or tears, or holding a photograph or carrying a yellow ribbon. It can be something as simple as remembering him at a specific time every day. It does not have to be sad, but can be something you do with pride. You remember the one you love, you miss him, and yet, you show pride in that memory of him and wait, standing tall and strong for his return. My son has a simple way of remembering his dad. His way of staying connected to Ian. It happens at 5 o'clock every day. And everyday my little 4 year old stands proud and strong to salute his dad (and little does he know, but also everything his dad fights for) until his dad comes home again.
Another day, good, bad or indifferent, is done. Another day I have gone closer to seeing the love of my life again. I can not wait for that sweet reunion.
Yesterday, my son went out to the backyard at 5pm and I went out looking for him. I found him standing stark still, saluting because it was the sounding of retreat. He knows that everyday at 5pm when retreat sounds, that his daddy would be standing up saluting the flag. Daniel now does that almost everyday. As soon as he hears it, he disappears to go outside. It doesn't matter if his favorite show is on TV, he still runs outside as soon as he hears it. Some of the time I miss it until he comes back inside. Other times I stand there and watch in awed silence as my son stands at attention to remember his dad. It truly is amazing to watch my son do something that shows his love and support for his dad.
There is something to be learned from my son. I have learned that showing your love and support is not always through care packages or tears, or holding a photograph or carrying a yellow ribbon. It can be something as simple as remembering him at a specific time every day. It does not have to be sad, but can be something you do with pride. You remember the one you love, you miss him, and yet, you show pride in that memory of him and wait, standing tall and strong for his return. My son has a simple way of remembering his dad. His way of staying connected to Ian. It happens at 5 o'clock every day. And everyday my little 4 year old stands proud and strong to salute his dad (and little does he know, but also everything his dad fights for) until his dad comes home again.
Another day, good, bad or indifferent, is done. Another day I have gone closer to seeing the love of my life again. I can not wait for that sweet reunion.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Day 68: And guilt makes it's appearance
Today turned into an unexpected good day. I went to bed last night thinking of one more Hail Mary kind of play to help me get my transcript so I can become a substitute teacher. I didn't think it would work, but, what is the worst that could happen? I get told no? Ok. So I had to wait until after 10am to call the teacher certification program that I applied for a month ago, who I gave my last transcript to. I called them to see if there was any way I could get my transcript back and order a new one just for them. I was shocked and elated when she said, "Sure. That is easy! Just make sure you order a new one for us and I will just make a copy of the one we have for now." I couldn't stop thanking her. So, I got ready, drove the 30 min to get it (well worth it) and drove back to turn it in. It literally took 30 seconds to turn it in, for the lady to make a copy, and hand it back to me! It felt a little anti-climactic. But, either way, it was done. I got a call later in the day telling me they reviewed my transcripts and they want me to come in for the training on Thursday and then will interview me! I am so excited! I had beat myself up all weekend and had pretty much come to terms with the fact that I screwed up and would not be subbing for a while. So, when this all actually worked out, I could do nothing but thank God over and over. I know He helped me through this. Not because I deserve it, but because He loves me. In all honesty, it would have been a "tough love" kind of learning experience if it hadn't worked out, but God showed me His mercy and love. Now, I did learn from this. I need to work harder on remembering things and not take on so much that I stress myself out. But the fact that I learned the hard way without my family suffering for it was truly amazing.
Today has been another one of those days that I am thinking about Ian constantly and missing the feel of his arms around me. I miss the sound of his voice in the house and the smell of his sweaty self coming home from work at night. I am missing him. I think the song, "Remind Me" by Brad Paisly and Carrie Underwood really set me off when I heard it today. I had already been thinking about Ian and that song came on the radio. Basically it is a couple talking about how in love they used to be and all the things they used to do together, then asking each other to "remind me." I thought of how lucky I was that Ian and I are still very much love each other and want to be together. This, however, is where the guilt kicks in. It is normal (from what I have heard) for Army wives to feel guilty after their husbands leave for all the "wasted time." The time getting into those stupid fights because the deployment was looming and stress was at it's peak. The times when you were just too mad to spend time together or just relax in each others arms. Well, that is where I am at right now. My guilt doesn't stem from fighting, because Ian and I didn't fight before he left. Our fights are few and far between, so that was not something I was feeling bad about. No, what I was feeling guilty for was every time I have ever told him not to touch me. Now, you have to understand, Ian's "love language" is physical contact. Hugs, kisses, hand holding, that is how you say "I love you" to him. I, however, am not a physical person. So there have been times when I am standing in the kitchen, doing the dishes, and he walks up behind me to give me a hug. Well, I am in the middle of doing something so I tell him that I love him, but he needs to let me do what I am doing. Most of the time, he would keep on me until I took a break, smiled, and just let him hold me, because he knew that was what I needed. Some of the times though, I was just cranky. It is looking back on those times that I now feel guilty. Right now, I would give just about anything to have him here, putting his arms around me, and keeping me from doing the housework. I would give just about anything for that simple physical contact he always wanted. I miss it. I miss him.
It really is amazing how deployment puts everything into sharp focus. If your marriage is good, it highlights the good, it makes it stronger. If your marriage is not so good, it keeps pushing it farther down. The saying that "Distance and separation are like wind to a flame: it extinguishes the weak, and feeds the strong" is so true. I feel like even though I have these type of feelings sometimes, our relationship, our friendship, and our marriage are growing even stronger through this trial the Army calls a deployment.
One more day done, one day closer to feeling his arms around me once again.
Today has been another one of those days that I am thinking about Ian constantly and missing the feel of his arms around me. I miss the sound of his voice in the house and the smell of his sweaty self coming home from work at night. I am missing him. I think the song, "Remind Me" by Brad Paisly and Carrie Underwood really set me off when I heard it today. I had already been thinking about Ian and that song came on the radio. Basically it is a couple talking about how in love they used to be and all the things they used to do together, then asking each other to "remind me." I thought of how lucky I was that Ian and I are still very much love each other and want to be together. This, however, is where the guilt kicks in. It is normal (from what I have heard) for Army wives to feel guilty after their husbands leave for all the "wasted time." The time getting into those stupid fights because the deployment was looming and stress was at it's peak. The times when you were just too mad to spend time together or just relax in each others arms. Well, that is where I am at right now. My guilt doesn't stem from fighting, because Ian and I didn't fight before he left. Our fights are few and far between, so that was not something I was feeling bad about. No, what I was feeling guilty for was every time I have ever told him not to touch me. Now, you have to understand, Ian's "love language" is physical contact. Hugs, kisses, hand holding, that is how you say "I love you" to him. I, however, am not a physical person. So there have been times when I am standing in the kitchen, doing the dishes, and he walks up behind me to give me a hug. Well, I am in the middle of doing something so I tell him that I love him, but he needs to let me do what I am doing. Most of the time, he would keep on me until I took a break, smiled, and just let him hold me, because he knew that was what I needed. Some of the times though, I was just cranky. It is looking back on those times that I now feel guilty. Right now, I would give just about anything to have him here, putting his arms around me, and keeping me from doing the housework. I would give just about anything for that simple physical contact he always wanted. I miss it. I miss him.
It really is amazing how deployment puts everything into sharp focus. If your marriage is good, it highlights the good, it makes it stronger. If your marriage is not so good, it keeps pushing it farther down. The saying that "Distance and separation are like wind to a flame: it extinguishes the weak, and feeds the strong" is so true. I feel like even though I have these type of feelings sometimes, our relationship, our friendship, and our marriage are growing even stronger through this trial the Army calls a deployment.
One more day done, one day closer to feeling his arms around me once again.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Day 67: How Busy is Too Busy
Today is Sunday. The one day out of the week that shows me how much I am missing Ian. I hate going to church alone and doing everything with the kids alone. It just sucks.
Ian called this morning over Skype and talked to the kids. It was quite an entertaining conversation. They talked about everything and the kids acted goofy on camera. Ian was eating it up. It was refreshing for the kids to be able to talk to Ian since they haven't been able to talk to him for the majority of the week. It was a good conversation for all of us. Unfortunately, we had to end it when we had to leave for church. It was my turn in the nursery which meant I have to be there at 9am. Church itself was good. Nursery for second service was fun. After church, I went over to a friend's house to get her husband to look at my van. My A/C went out yesterday as I was delivering cakes. So, of course, since I had a friend to look at it, it decided to start working again. He looked at it anyways, but couldn't see a problem. So, for now, I will be driving it around until it decides to go out again to have my friend look at it again.
After lunch, I took the girls to their swim lessons and swam with the Daniel. It was insanely fun to swim with him and he got some fun mommy time. After the lesson we swam for a few extra minutes, but wanted to get home because I was extremely tired and the sun and I do not exactly get along. We spent the rest of the day hanging out and relaxing. Overall, not a bad day.
Over the past week, a lot has gone wrong at the exact time that I have been insanely busy. One key thing any military wife will tell you to do during a deployment is to stay busy. The question is, how busy is too busy? This week I had 4 cakes to make, an insane amount of housework to do, having to get the kids into the routine of school, and my church activities. It has been super busy week. So, that is the problem of the day. Because of my super busy schedule, coupled with my already crappy memory, I let a very important detail needed for a job slip out of my mind. So, I really need to figure out a balance of staying busy but not losing my mind. Problem is, all the things I have volunteered to do are things I love. All the things that I will soon be doing (not just the volunteering) are for my future job. I feel like I really can't give up anything, but I know I can maybe take it in on a smaller scale. We will see how that goes.
Another day, another weekend, gone. Just that much closer to seeing my husband again.
Ian called this morning over Skype and talked to the kids. It was quite an entertaining conversation. They talked about everything and the kids acted goofy on camera. Ian was eating it up. It was refreshing for the kids to be able to talk to Ian since they haven't been able to talk to him for the majority of the week. It was a good conversation for all of us. Unfortunately, we had to end it when we had to leave for church. It was my turn in the nursery which meant I have to be there at 9am. Church itself was good. Nursery for second service was fun. After church, I went over to a friend's house to get her husband to look at my van. My A/C went out yesterday as I was delivering cakes. So, of course, since I had a friend to look at it, it decided to start working again. He looked at it anyways, but couldn't see a problem. So, for now, I will be driving it around until it decides to go out again to have my friend look at it again.
After lunch, I took the girls to their swim lessons and swam with the Daniel. It was insanely fun to swim with him and he got some fun mommy time. After the lesson we swam for a few extra minutes, but wanted to get home because I was extremely tired and the sun and I do not exactly get along. We spent the rest of the day hanging out and relaxing. Overall, not a bad day.
Over the past week, a lot has gone wrong at the exact time that I have been insanely busy. One key thing any military wife will tell you to do during a deployment is to stay busy. The question is, how busy is too busy? This week I had 4 cakes to make, an insane amount of housework to do, having to get the kids into the routine of school, and my church activities. It has been super busy week. So, that is the problem of the day. Because of my super busy schedule, coupled with my already crappy memory, I let a very important detail needed for a job slip out of my mind. So, I really need to figure out a balance of staying busy but not losing my mind. Problem is, all the things I have volunteered to do are things I love. All the things that I will soon be doing (not just the volunteering) are for my future job. I feel like I really can't give up anything, but I know I can maybe take it in on a smaller scale. We will see how that goes.
Another day, another weekend, gone. Just that much closer to seeing my husband again.
Day 66: The Silent Ranks
So, tonight will be short because I am beyond exhausted. Basically I stayed up until 3:30am to work on those cakes, didn't get the done, so I had to get back up by 8 to finish them in time. So, here are the pictures of what kept me last night. Also, below the pictures is a poem I have seen many times, and still love it. I hope you enjoy the poem and pictures.
The Silent Ranks
Author: Unknown
I wear no uniforms, no blues or army greens
But I am in the Army in the ranks rarely seen
I have no rank upon my shoulders - salutes I do not give
But the military world is the place where I live
I'm not in the chain of command, orders I do not get
But my husband is the one who does, this I can not forget
I'm not the one who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line
But my job is just as tough. I'm the one that's left behind
My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man
And the call to serve his country not all can understand
Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free
My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me
I love the man I married, Soldiering is his life
But I stand among the silent ranks known as the Army Wife
But I am in the Army in the ranks rarely seen
I have no rank upon my shoulders - salutes I do not give
But the military world is the place where I live
I'm not in the chain of command, orders I do not get
But my husband is the one who does, this I can not forget
I'm not the one who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line
But my job is just as tough. I'm the one that's left behind
My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man
And the call to serve his country not all can understand
Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free
My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me
I love the man I married, Soldiering is his life
But I stand among the silent ranks known as the Army Wife
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Day 65: Pity Party of 1 Your Table is Ready (posted late)
Yes, today was my own personal pity party. It was the day that actually started last night with the A/C not working and just continued downhill for the most part. I woke up this morning and my A/C was actually working! So, I was excited about that. I didn't know if it would last, so I held off a little bit longer than I should have to bake the cakes I have due tomorrow.... See the foreshadowing here?
So, the A/C guy comes, looks at the filters, said that was the problem, replaced them, and left. I was grateful it was that simple and that all I had to do was keep the upstairs one off for a few extra hours and let it thaw out all the way, and then it would be good to go too. So, just as he was leaving, Ian called.
So I talked to Ian for a little while about everything that was going on, like the A/C unit, the cakes I have due, the "too much month at the end of our money" problem, and the fact that if I wanted to get a job as a substitute teacher, I would have to order transcripts to be mailed overnight. I was just feeling crappy. Everything had felt like it was conspiring against me and my mental well being. I was concerned that Ian would be upset because of the fact that I was just not able to save and pay down as many things this month as we were hoping. I was feeling sorry for myself for something that had never happened, and was not happening now. I apologized a lot and Ian kept telling me it was ok. He knows how I am, so he knew what to say. He knew that I needed him to just tell me it would be ok and I needed him to actively help me fix the budget gaps. I also needed to hear him tell me that he wouldn't be mad if we didn't get as much paid down this deployment like we had hoped. I was having a pity party, and Ian was a gracious host. He helped me through it an comforted me. Man, am I ever so lucky to have him.
After that conversation, I started to bake. I have 3 cakes to do, one of them be two, double-layered tiers. So, I got two of the cakes baked by about 1:30pm and realized that I did not have enough eggs for the third cake (required 3 cake mixes). I was about to head to the grocery store when I got a call from the pest control guy. He wasn't supposed to be here until between 3 and 5, but wanted to know if he could come earlier. I didn't have a problem with it, especially since I would not have to try and keep kids out of his way. So, he came, took care of the ant problem, and left. By the time he left, I had about 10 minutes before I had to go get the kids, which is not enough time to go to the commissary. So, I talked with my best friend on the phone and headed for school. Right around the time I hit the school, I realized I forgot to email in an important document that was needed by 3.... and it was 3:05pm. That one piece of paper would have helped me get a job as a substitute teacher, now, I won't get it. So, that was a huge downward spiral of the day. And it just kept going. I was so frantically trying to get the cakes baked and iced and then feed the kids at the same time. It was all just maddening.
The pity party rolled on. This time, without Ian to temper it a little. I was frustrated, stressed about the cakes, and just mad at myself. I would love to tell you that I was a big girl, really strong and all, and decided to pull myself out of it. But, really, I can't tell you that. My pity party was quite impressive. It spanned most of the day, and into the early morning hours. The funny part is, most of the day there really is no focus for my outstanding pity party. Hopefully, I will be able to pull myself out of it. Probably when I have these cakes done and my kitchen cleaned back up, I will be able to have a plan of attack for all these things that have gone so awry which should help pull me out of my party for one.
One more day gone, another day closer to seeing the love of my life.
So, the A/C guy comes, looks at the filters, said that was the problem, replaced them, and left. I was grateful it was that simple and that all I had to do was keep the upstairs one off for a few extra hours and let it thaw out all the way, and then it would be good to go too. So, just as he was leaving, Ian called.
So I talked to Ian for a little while about everything that was going on, like the A/C unit, the cakes I have due, the "too much month at the end of our money" problem, and the fact that if I wanted to get a job as a substitute teacher, I would have to order transcripts to be mailed overnight. I was just feeling crappy. Everything had felt like it was conspiring against me and my mental well being. I was concerned that Ian would be upset because of the fact that I was just not able to save and pay down as many things this month as we were hoping. I was feeling sorry for myself for something that had never happened, and was not happening now. I apologized a lot and Ian kept telling me it was ok. He knows how I am, so he knew what to say. He knew that I needed him to just tell me it would be ok and I needed him to actively help me fix the budget gaps. I also needed to hear him tell me that he wouldn't be mad if we didn't get as much paid down this deployment like we had hoped. I was having a pity party, and Ian was a gracious host. He helped me through it an comforted me. Man, am I ever so lucky to have him.
After that conversation, I started to bake. I have 3 cakes to do, one of them be two, double-layered tiers. So, I got two of the cakes baked by about 1:30pm and realized that I did not have enough eggs for the third cake (required 3 cake mixes). I was about to head to the grocery store when I got a call from the pest control guy. He wasn't supposed to be here until between 3 and 5, but wanted to know if he could come earlier. I didn't have a problem with it, especially since I would not have to try and keep kids out of his way. So, he came, took care of the ant problem, and left. By the time he left, I had about 10 minutes before I had to go get the kids, which is not enough time to go to the commissary. So, I talked with my best friend on the phone and headed for school. Right around the time I hit the school, I realized I forgot to email in an important document that was needed by 3.... and it was 3:05pm. That one piece of paper would have helped me get a job as a substitute teacher, now, I won't get it. So, that was a huge downward spiral of the day. And it just kept going. I was so frantically trying to get the cakes baked and iced and then feed the kids at the same time. It was all just maddening.
The pity party rolled on. This time, without Ian to temper it a little. I was frustrated, stressed about the cakes, and just mad at myself. I would love to tell you that I was a big girl, really strong and all, and decided to pull myself out of it. But, really, I can't tell you that. My pity party was quite impressive. It spanned most of the day, and into the early morning hours. The funny part is, most of the day there really is no focus for my outstanding pity party. Hopefully, I will be able to pull myself out of it. Probably when I have these cakes done and my kitchen cleaned back up, I will be able to have a plan of attack for all these things that have gone so awry which should help pull me out of my party for one.
One more day gone, another day closer to seeing the love of my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)