Today we went to a birthday party out at a stable for a friend's kid. My kids and I were invited for the party and then the mother asked if I would want to make the cake. I told her I would be more than happy to make it. I asked her what she wanted and she said she just wanted a cake with Happy Birthday written on it. I told her that wouldn't happen and that I would need to do something a lot better than that. So, I did. I made a cowboy cake that turned out really cool.
So, going out to the stables was something that made me remember my own personal happy place. The first breath I take out there and the smell took me back to my stables I was at everyday as a teenager. I loved riding and would be with my horses as much as my time would allow. I saw the wranglers out there riding their horses and it made me wish I was there to so I could ride. However, I was there to celebrate my friend's kids' birthdays and for my kids to get their own pony rides. Despite not being on a horse myself, I had a blast watching my kids ride and walking around with them, as well as hanging out with my friends. All in all, it was a great day, but again, it made me miss my happy place. It made me miss the one thing that would relieve stress and would help me out of any sadness I was in... Riding my horses. I remember when I was a kid and my parents were in the middle of their divorce, I would walk out to my backyard where my horse was, hug her, and just cry. She was what comforted me, as well as the other horses I had that came after her. They were my happy place, my comfort zone. I loved going out for a ride on the river, or even just working my horse in the arena would put me in my own little world where my only worries were if I would get bucked off or not, and even that was no big deal because I was young and thought I was invincible.
I am not able to have my horses right now, and in a way, I am glad I don't have my horses during this deployment. I am not sure how I would be able to manage my time and be able to take care of them along with everything else by myself. I am sad about not having my horses because I would have a happy place to go. A place where I can just forget about everything else but the trail I am on and the horse underneath my legs. Some day I know I will get another horse, at least I hope. Some day, when my kids are old enough to join me or be able to be left home for an hour or two, maybe I can get a horse and have the time to go out for a ride. Maybe some day.
For now, I am going to try and make it out for a ride sometime soon and try and get some real riding time in before he comes home. If not, I know Ian will be more than willing to keep the kids and force me out the door to go riding.
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