Today was a great day at work. Even though I am a sub, I really feel like I am part of the team at the school I am working for. It is a great feeling to be part of the team rather than "just a sub" because I feel like I belong there and that my contributions matter at that school.
After school today, I came home to be with my kids and enjoy the afternoon. I wasn't expecting to have to do a lot of housework, because for the first time since moving back stateside, I hired someone to come in and help me out since I have been sick. Unfortunately, when I got home, it wasn't how I was expecting. I ended up having to re-do the floors and the tubs, and tomorrow I have to clean the baseboards that were not done. So, I will have to do some extra chores, on top of what I already knew I would have to do, tomorrow and it will leave less time for anything else. It is a good thing my dad is here though, because he can take the kids to the park or outside to ride their bikes so I can get a few things done around here.
The kids and I also got to talk to Ian tonight via Skype and we really enjoyed it. We literally talked about nothing and everything and loved ever minute of it. The kids were being their goofy selves and showed off for Ian. Daniel was actually interested in talking to Ian and was upset when Ian had to go. That is progress for him. Usually he doesn't want to talk to Ian, so I am happy that he seemed interested tonight.
Even after this great day I have had, I still can't seem to shake the blues. I can't explain completely what is going on because one minute I am okay and the next I am melancholy. A lot of people tell me that is okay, and I know in a way it is. I just hate the unexplained mood changes that take me from okay to sad in about 2.5 seconds. Looking back on the mood change of the night, I think it came a lot from my husband getting off the computer with me (I always hate to let him go, no matter how long we get to talk) and the various fits the kids give me as I am getting them ready for bed. Either way, I don't like it, but it is a fact of life right now. So, that is where I am. I am tired and sad. It isn't the easiest thing for me to say, but it is honest. I will not always have good strong days/times, and that is okay. The point is that I am here, I stand proud behind my husband, and I am living during this deployment.
Another day is done, with God's help. Another day closer to holding my husband in my arms again. And with God's help, I will be able to get through the feelings as they come and keep taking it one day at a time.
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