11/17/2011
Well, that sucked. Today, I put my husband back on a plane and sent him off to war with a kiss, a hug, and a wave.
We got up this morning and I helped Ian pack the last of his things in his bag. As we were getting ready to go, Ian had to finish a para-cord bracelet for Natalie and while he was doing that, Natalie took one of her stuffed bears and sneaked it into his backpack. When Ian tried to put the last of his stuff in his backpack and found the bear, he was confused. He thought it was put in there by accident, then realized when Natalie looked at him with eyes that were both proud and sad, that she did it on purpose. She wanted Ian to take the bear with him to remind him of her. At first he said he couldn't do it because he didn't have space in his backpack for it, but when I told him that it would mean a lot to her if he took it, he decided he would carry it on the plane, like a pillow. That made Natalie smile so widely, I thought her cheeks would hurt.
After packing all that up, we headed to the airport. The kids were pretty calm on the drive, as was I, mostly because I was driving, so I had to be. When we got to the airport, we asked if they would let us back with him to the gate to say bye. They gave the kids and I passes to get through security, but not on the plane. So, we sat there for about 40 minutes with Ian before he had to start boarding the plane. It was hard, because the kids didn't seem to notice what was really about to happen and they sat their watching TV like it was an ordinary day. Once they started to call for the plan to be boarded, the kids realized Ian was leaving, and they crying started. It was hard for all of us, but was quicker than the first time. So, we all hugged and kissed him, he started walking away and turned to wave at us. We watched until we couldn't see him anymore, then waited to see the plane take off. After the plane left, we went home.
It was harder for me in a way, and easier at the same time. It was harder and easier in that I knew what to expect. Knowing what to expect does make it easier, but at the same time it makes it harder. It is harder because I know what is coming. I know what nights alone feel like. I know what it feels like to worry about him. I know what it feels like to miss him. I know that I am back to leaving my computer on and by my bed at all times. I am back to tracking my phone every minute of every day. So, yeah, knowing what is coming is harder more so than easier. It is hard knowing what you have to deal with for the next 7+ months and knowing that the two weeks you had were blissful, perfect, and now, over.
I start this last part of the deployment with the same attitude I had on day one. I will survive this, I will live through this, and I will do it well. I will make sure that my husband has something to come home to when he comes back for good.
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