Today was a great day with my parents. I went and picked them up and came back here. My step-dad was awesome enough to help me out by changing my oil and helping me replace some light bulbs. After that we went back to the hotel and swimming in the indoor pool. While I was sitting in the hot tub, I got to catch up with my mom and talked about anything we could think of. It was a great time. The kids really had a blast with my parents and loved slashing around in front of them. Then we came back home and had dinner.
While my mom and I were preparing dinner, I asked her a question that I had been curious about. I asked her if it seemed weird for her to not have Ian here with me. I mostly wondered if it felt foreign to anyone else, anyone outside my daily life. I wondered if it would feel foreign to her even though she knew he was deployed long before she got here. She said it actually did. It was weird not having Ian here because when she pictured my home, Ian was in that picture.
I know what she means. Ian and I just had that conversation a few days ago. We exclaimed that we couldn't believe we moved here a year ago come next month. He asked if it felt like home to me. I told him no, that it didn't feel like home yet. It still feels like some foreign place that I am just a visitor in. He then told me that when he pictures home, he pictures the kids and me right here. He doesn't picture our last home or our hometown, he pictures us here. That made me feel good because at least when he gets back, he will feel like he is home and hopefully that will make him happy. He asked me why I felt like this wasn't home. The best I could say was that it was because he wasn't here. It just isn't home without him. I have set up a whole life here without him because we had only gotten here 2 months before he deployed. Now, I am just waiting for him to come back to help make it a home. I think once he is home it will feel more complete than it does now and I will finally be able to accept that this is home.
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