I can't help it. I miss him. I miss my husband so badly it is painful. Days like today, days where we are supposed to be spending it together, in each other's arms and watching our kids play. So, it was hard doing what we could to be together during this holiday, but still feeling the pain of separation. It is even harder when my husband talks to me about how much he is missing us and wishes he was here to spend Christmas with us.
To be honest, we did the best we could for the day. My husband was able to Skype with us and watch the kids open presents. It was really amazing to watch the kids open presents and show them to Ian. It really was like he was sitting right here. Despite my husband being exhausted, he stayed with us through the whole thing, showing his excitement for the kids' presents and hiding his own feelings from the kids. He is my hero. I could see how much he was missing us and how he was trying to just enjoy the time and not focus on the sadness. He and I sat for a few minutes and talked (and I cried a bit) and said how much we were missing each other. We had out emotional moment, talked each other down, and joined back into the celebration with the kids. It was our little timeout, but helped us to keep up the happy faces for the kids so they could enjoy their Christmas. After all the presents were opened, the kids said bye to their dad, told him thank you for the gifts and wished him a Merry Christmas, and then ran off to play with all their new toys. Ian and I sat on the computer for a few more minutes before he had to go and discussed things related to our everyday lives.
All in all, it wasn't a horrible day and we managed pretty well with the circumstances. That is all you can do. You are given a situation to deal with and you have to chose how you will handle it. You can chose to let it get you down and ruin special days. Or you can chose to make the best of what you have and take what you can get. We chose to take what we can get. If that means that for this year all we can get is Ian here via Skype, then we will take it, because it is better than nothing at all. I also know that this is temporary and that he will be celebrating Christmas with us next year.
The big holiday is done and a success thanks to my husband's dedication, my family and their generosity, and technology. We are getting closer, I just have to hold on to that.
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