Today, I cleaned out my car. That was my huge accomplishment for the day. My car was a wreak and my kids have not been helpful in keeping it clean. I have picked up here and there, but the last time I really cleaned it was right before Ian left. I didn't realize that until I found papers that were from right around the time Ian left. It was kind of funny in a way. When I looked at those papers, I thought "It feels like that just happened." When really it has been over 2 months. Other things I found, I thought that it feels like forever since that has happened, and it has only been 2 months. So in a way it feels like he hasn't been gone as long as he has, but in other ways it feels longer.
Though time is constant, it feels oddly variable to most people. Time never changes and yet it feels like it passes in spurts and lulls. With Ian gone, time passing is all I ask of life. Not that I am trying to miss everything that I have here in front of me. I want to experience the events with my kids and make real progress in life, but at the same time, I love it when I realize it is later in the week than I thought. When it feels like a Wednesday but is actually a Thursday.
I know that time never really speeds up or slows down. It is all in your head. It is all in how your days go and how busy you are. For me it is also wrapped up in my mood. If I am in a good mood, enjoying the days, and keeping busy, I am relatively happy and my days seem to fly by. When I am having a depressing kind of day, my pity party seems to drag on and on and brings the day to an excruciating crawl. Keeping my days at steady paces is the key to keeping time moving for me. That is my goal. That is what will help me through this.
The countdown to R&R is on! We are in the 2 month neighborhood now, and I am stoked! Actual dates still elude us, but even having the general idea of when he will be here has me all giddy. I am already trying to think about what I am going to wear when I pick him up and all the preparations the kids and I will make for his trip home. My sister, knowing how much I am looking forward to this, even gave me a gift for my birthday that I am to use to go shopping for a new outfit for when Ian comes home. She gave me strict instructions to only use it on myself, so it sits here, waiting for the right season of clothes to come out so I can get me a new outfit! I have a feeling that those two weeks prior to him getting here will be full of housekeeping, shopping, and mani/pedis!
Another day is done and I am now another day closer to seeing him again. The kids and I have another long weekend to make it through, but I know we will.... One step at a time.
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