Today was another of those days. The day where I wasn't really busy, but at the same time I had a few things to do that seemed to take all day. It was still a good day, though I have been (and still am) exhausted.
I received a message from a dear friend whom I met back in Arizona. She is an amazing woman of God and has helped me many times in my walk with the Lord. She sent me a message containing a devotional she had read that spoke to her about me. Before I had even left Arizona, I was having trouble sleeping. I was constantly tired, could never sleep soundly through the night, and no matter how much sleep I got, I always felt like I needed more. It has been a problem for a long while and is getting worse during this deployment. I had spoken to my friend about it one day when she noticed how tired I looked and asked if I was okay. We had a long discussion about it and she gave me some great advice that seemed to help a little, but apparently not enough.
Remembering that discussion we had long ago, she read this devotional about a military wife going through her first deployment with 2 young children and 2 that were middle school aged. This wife was just like me: going to bed super late, getting up early, drinking coffee, eating chocolate, and was generally always wiped out. When I read that, it had my attention. That is me! It went on to say that this wife "got a grip" and started putting her own "self-care" into the routine as a responsibility, not a luxury. She started to go to the gym, attended bible study, turned off the news, and put her kids in preschool to give her some time to take care of herself. Again, it yelled at me. I have been pushing myself too much and have put myself last for a long time, and even more so during this deployment than before. I have needed to be the strong one for everyone else and my own personal well-being has been pushed to the back burner. It is a heavy load to try and carry alone: taking care of three children, a house, animals, as well as worrying about my soldier and trying to take care of him as best I can over there at the same time. Then, she said something that made me cry and made me realize that I do not have to carry all that burden. God will help me carry that burden if I would just give it to Him. I also realized that I have friends that I can lean on to help me with the kids and to talk to when I need someone to listen. I do not have to do this alone.
So, here is my promise to myself. I will become a priority. I will start finding time to work out at least 3 times a week. I will cut down on my caffeine intake. I will eat better. I will get more rest, good bad or otherwise, I will get to bed sooner than the midnight- 1am time I have been using. I will make time for my bible studies every day and have some devotional time. I will take care of myself mentally, physically and spiritually. I have to. If I do not, I am realizing that I will not be useful to my children or my husband. If I do not start taking care of myself, I am going to become ill and then will definitely not be able to be strong for my children and husband. I will make time for me to keep from falling down during this deployment and even after this deployment is over.
Tonight, I look forward to tomorrow. I look forward to waking up early and starting a new routine that includes me. Today is done, tomorrow is coming my way and it will be a good day. And I will be just that much closer to seeing my husband again.
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