Support is key for any family going through a deployment. Not just for the spouse, but also for the children and soldiers. I have seen many forms of support since the start of this deployment. It has come in some ways from people I didn't expect support from and has not come from places I expected it to. I have learned that if people can not support my husband, my kids, or myself then I have to put them out of my mind, out of my expectations, and basically out of my life right now. I really do not have room for people who don't care right now. Later, when he is home, I can handle it and deal with it better. Right now though, I need to keep the people in my life that will help my family and myself through this. I am learning to use my support system and to not count on those who are not supportive.
I have had a lot of support from my family and friends. It has been amazing. When I needed someone, there was always someone there for me, be it physically present, or over the phone, someone has been there for me. The one aspect of this deployment that has frustrated me since I first got here was the lack of support from the FRG (the Family Readiness Group). This group is supposed to be the group that spouses can become involved in to meet other spouses in the unit and get information about their deployed soldiers. FRGs do have a bad reputation for being gossip chains, but really that is not what they are for. Good FRGs should be something that Army wives can turn to for support in times of deployment and even when the soldiers are home. I have been disappointed in my FRG because we arrived here two months before the deployment. I emailed about 3 weeks after getting here asking for information about the unit and about preparing for the deployment, and got nothing. I had to prepare on my own. I got a reply back the day before the soldiers deployed telling me that the FRG would not do anything until after summer. I didn't understand that because, in my opinion, for those spouses that were still around, the support was needed at the start of the deployment more than 3 months later. I said as much to the FRG leader. She tried to organize a dessert social and only got 4 responses, so she cancelled it. I was frustrated because even meeting 4 people would have been great for me personally.
Tonight we finally had an FRG meeting... almost 3 months after the soldiers deployed. I almost didn't go because I was, to be honest, bitter that it had taken so long to actually meet my FRG leader. I ended up going just because I know it is what you put into it, so I figured I would try again at making contact with the FRG. Well, it was only the FRG leader, the Rear Detatchment NCO, and myself there. It wasn't anything spectacular, but it was something. We threw around ideas for the next meeting and discussed ideas of packages to send soldiers downrange. I also pushed the idea to the FRG leader that we need to do something no matter how many people say they will attend. I told her that in my experience it will only be a few people, but most of the time, word will spread and the events will get bigger, but we have to start somewhere. She seemed receptive to my ideas, so hopefully we can get this going.
I am hoping that I will be able to get some support from the FRG, but for the most part, I have already set up a small support system around me outside of the unit. So, I am secure in the support I have, even if the FRG does nothing else. I have gotten support from other military spouses I have met, from my church, and from my family. My husband has seen a lot of support from my family as well. They just love sending him all the fun care packages (I get the boring "need" military stuff packages). The church has also started to show their support for my husband in the form of sending him care packages and words of encouragement. My children have gotten support from myself, of course, and also from my family, my friends, from church, and even school.
To those that support my husband, I am so grateful. Nothing means more to me than to hear him happy on the phone because someone from my family or church told him they were proud of him in an email or letter and when he would get surprise packages containing goodies that reminded him of home and that he could share with his team. To those that support my kids, I can tell you it has made a world of difference. They know that even though their daddy is gone, they still have people around them that love them and support them. I have seen it in the way they are excited to see some of our friends, to talk to my parents on Skype, and even to go to church and talk to the pastor. Their behavior shows the support they are getting and for that I am thankful. To those that support me, you will never know how much your love and friendship means to me. Without my supporters, I don't know how strong I would be able to be for my kids and my husband. For that I am grateful.
Another day is done, another day closer to holding him in my arms.
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