My middle child, (the youngest girl) Natalie, is such a daddy's girl it isn't even funny. She would gladly choose Ian over me any day of the week and twice on Sunday. I don't say that like it is a bad thing, it is just the truth.
She has been hit hard by this deployment because her daddy is gone. She tries to hog the computer away from the other two kids when Ian is online to Skype with us. For the most part she has been doing okay, but has become more attached to me, naturally. She wants to be around me all the time. She is the one that is still crying all the time over Ian not being here. She is the one that walks up to me sits on my lap and tells me she misses daddy. She wears her heart on her sleeve and right now that little heart is hurting.
Lately, I have been working at her school as a sub. Natalie has liked it because I was subbing right next door to her classroom and she saw me all the time in the halls and playground. Today, I subbed for a 2nd grade class and she didn't get to see me as much. When she did see me, she didn't want to detach herself from my side. I literally had to make her go with her class and not with me. After school, she wanted to stay with me while I finished paperwork instead of going home with her brother, sister, and grandpa. She was crying and everything. In the end, she went with grandpa and played at the park while I went back to my classroom. When I got home I talked to her about the fact that she needs to almost act like I am not at school. My being there cannot disrupt her. She started crying and told me she misses daddy and likes being around me at school. With my being in class at night, she said she feels like she lost me too and her time at school is her time with me. Talk about a punch in the gut. All I could do was tell her I love her, and that I know she misses daddy, but that he misses her too and will be home soon. I told her that soon, my classes will be over and I will be home at night every night again, like I have been since we got here. That seemed to lift her spirits, but still was heartbreaking to realize how much this little 3 week course is affecting her.
I know that what I am doing is difficult for the kids and for me. I also know that it is something I need to do and is short term. For now, I am doing everything I can to make sure the kids know I am here for them. Once this is over, I am going to take each child on a mommy and me date. Give them a chance to spend some time with me before daddy comes home for R&R and do it again after he has to head back. I hope it gives them a chance to feel special and to talk to me about whatever they need to. Apparently, Natalie will be my first date.
Another day done, another day closer to seeing my husband again. Anticipation is growing by the hour.
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