Day 123: I'll tell you when I am home

"I'll tell you when I am (or you are) home" can be some of the most frustrating words to hear, and that is on both sides of the world. It is common practice for military couples to work at censoring things for the benefit of the other. There really is no Army wife manual or protocol for dealing with deployment. You just have to do what works best for your soldier and learn from the experiences of others. I know that there are some spouses who will only tell their husbands the "butterflies and roses" version of their life back home so they don't worry their soldier. I also know others who will tell everything no matter what. I can honestly say that I am a pretty close happy medium. I censor, but in a way that is more about timing than keeping information from him the whole deployment. If there are issues with the kids or other family members, I ensure he is not heading out on mission before I tell him what is going on. If he is getting ready to head out, if I can, I will wait until he comes back to talk to him about whatever the issue is. So far, it is working for us. He still is included in everyday family life, but it is not distracting him. Like I said there really is no book or anything, we just learn what we can from others who have been through this and we also learn as we go.

Now, my husband is a different story. It isn't about timing for him when it comes to telling me things. It is all about censorship. I understand, to a degree, that there are things he doesn't want to tell me because he is afraid it will scare me. That is where the phrase "I'll tell you when I am home" comes in. He wants to be sure that I know he is okay before he tells me about what is going on over there. It can be frustrating, but again, it is not an exact science. He doesn't have a manual telling him what he should and shouldn't tell me. It is a phrase that I have to be okay with hearing at times. I know when he feels he can, he will tell me. Until then, I have to be patient (not exactly a strong suit for me) and have to find ways to support him and comfort him without knowing the reason behind it. The hardest part is knowing when to back off and just be. I know when he comes home for R&R we can talk about things and give each other feedback on how we think we are doing and what we feel we need from the other. All these things we couldn't anticipate because we didn't know what to expect. But again, we are learning as we go.

Day by day I am making it... I am over 1/3rd of the way done. I love that feeling.