Friday night, my 15-year-old dachshund, Lucy, was not acting like herself and had gone off her food. She had thrown up a few times that day and was just generally more lethargic than usual. I saw that she was showing me that it was getting close to the end for her, so I decided I would make her a vet appointment on Monday. I woke up yesterday (Saturday) morning and she was still alive, but much the same as the night before. Before I left for class that morning, I told my dad to watch her for the day and move her into his room in case she died during the day so the kids wouldn't be the ones to find her. My dad left the house with the kids around 11:30am and she was still the same. We both arrived back home at about the same time (1pm) and my dad walked in first with me and the kids following. Just after we walked in the door, my dad came back around the corner and told me to take the kids back outside. I knew what he meant by that. Lucy had died while we were gone. So, I told the kids to go back to the car because I forgot that we needed to go to the store. I was going to take them, but wasn't sure what my dad could do if animal control was the one to come pick her up. So, I sent my dad with the kids, and started making the calls. I was crying the whole time, even though I knew it was coming, it was still so hard to deal with. I found out that I had to take her in myself and had no idea how I was going to do that. I called my mom to tell her and she said sorry. She then told me to call my dad back and have him take her in for me. So, that is what I did. My dad came back with the kids, I took them and went to get lunch with them, then he joined us later.
When we got back home, I told the kids to go straight to the couch because we needed to talk. The kids asked if it was a family meeting, and I said that it was. So, the 4 of us sat down on the couch while my dad let the other two dogs outside. I told them that Lucy is old and had been sick for a few days, which was something they knew. Then I told them that she died. That was heartbreaking for me. They lost it. I hated having to be the one that told them, but I am the mom and this is my job. I sat their with them and we cried together. I told them that she died a happy dog and that they made her life so much better. They kept saying they missed her and I told them that I did too. Soon, the tears slowed and we were able to say some funny things about Lucy. Like the way she scared the crap out of our two 80 pound dogs, even though she was 16lbs with 6 teeth left. It took a while, but eventually the crying stopped and they were coping with it. While I was telling my kids, my dad went and took Lucy's kennel, cleaned it out, and folded it up. I was grateful, because it was something that I was going to do as soon as they were distracted.
About 15 minutes later, Daniel went outside and built a bed for Lucy for when she "comes back to life." Needless to say, that ripped my heart out. I had to explain that she wasn't coming back and that started the tears all over again.
It was a hard day. Even that morning was hard, telling Ian she was sick. Then I found out something that made my news pale in comparison and I felt stupid for being so upset over a dog. That has pretty much carried over to today. I feel like I am back at day 3 when I had to put Bodie down. I can't seem to go through the day without crying. I don't think that I am crying over Lucy in particular, but over everything: my stress, my dog, my husband, where he is, the kids' feelings that make me feel about an inch tall, my lack of me time, my lack of friend time, everything. I am back to square one at the moment. Crying over everything. Back to where songs are bothering me again, and thoughts of Ian make me cry simply because he is far away and reality has hit me hard. Day 3 sucked.... now day 116 (and day 115 if I am being truthful) sucks too.
Another day is done... which I am very grateful for. I am getting closer to seeing him again.
Bodie and Lucy a little less than 4 years ago. Lucy is the one in the front and she was pregnant in this picture.
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