Today was another not-so-good day. It is still just left over from this past weekend and seems to be gaining momentum as the day has progressed. At the end of the night, I am so beat down that I feel like a doormat and like I would let just about anyone walk on me right about now.
I have to admit though, I talked with one of my carpool friends today about everything, and it helped a little. She isn't military-related at all, but that was okay because it is really not a prerequisite for me. During our conversation, I literally talked in circles. Telling her I wanted something, and contradicting it in the next sentence. Bless her heart though, beacuse she listened and gave advice as necessary.
I told her that my biggest problem right now is that I feel weak. I don't like that. I am not the weak one. I am the strong one. I am the one that can handle stuff like this and ensure that everyone else pulls through too. I am the one other people go to for support. I am not the one that needs to ask friends and family for help or support. This isn't me. I am uncomfortable feeling like this, but I know it is God working on me once again to tell me that I do not always have to be the strong one. That I need to lean on Him and trust in Him to get me through and bring the right people in my life who will help me as well. Knowing that, I am human enough that I still don't like it. I really can't stand feeling like I need help, or like I need someone to help get ME through it. Now, if it were for my kids or my husband, I would be asking in a heartbeat, because if they need help and I can't give it, then I will make sure that I find people to support them. Me on the other hand, I cannot seem to do that for myself. Again, I know that I should be okay with asking for help. I am just not that good at it yet and it still makes me uncomfortable.
I am getting so excited in anticipation for him coming home for R&R. I am counting down the days, and I love to say that I am one more day closer to him.
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