Day 199: Keeping watch

Today my son pulled one of his little stunts that took me by surprise yet again. It wasn't anything bad by any means. This afternoon, he went up to my room, where the flat daddy of Ian was. Daniel then took the flat daddy and placed him in my open window facing out. I saw it a little bit later and just laughed. While I was in my room, Daniel came in and told me that he put daddy like that. I asked him why. He told me it was so daddy could watch him play outside and so that he would watch out for all of us. Talk about a "rip your heart out" kind of statement. I just stood there, smiled, and told him that was a great idea. What I wanted to do was cry.

Daniel has been a tough nut to crack during this deployment. He never does what I think he will do or what is "typical" of a 4 year-old boy during his father's deployment. Just when you think it isn't affecting him, he breaks down crying. Just when you think he is handling it, he starts screaming and throwing a fit about nothing. When you think he would be happy about a reminder of daddy, he gets angry because it isn't the "real daddy." Now, it seems like he is starting to cope with this deployment a little better than before Ian came home for R&R. He is coping with the idea that daddy is gone and since R&R, I think he realizes daddy will come home, since he did once already. Ian makes sure that he talks to Daniel every time he calls, whether Daniel wants to talk to him or not. Ian always tells him "I love you and I miss you" even if Daniel says he doesn't want to talk to him. I think hearing Ian say that despite Daniel not wanting to talk to Ian has made Daniel start to understand that daddy still cares about him/us and wants to watch over him/us. I think that is part of why he put the flat daddy in the window, so it could feel like daddy is doing for us what he usually does, even with an ocean and a continent between us, he is watching over us.


I guess we will see what breakthroughs this brings from my son. Hopefully it is a turning point for him in dealing with this deployment and he can start to talk to me about what he is thinking and feeling more... well, as much as a 4-year-old can.

Moving forward, one step at a time. Making it through this deployment, one step at a time. It is how we do things. It is how we make it through until reunion time.