Day 215: There, but not really

I don't know what it is, but lately, I just haven't been "there." I feel like there are a lot of times that I am just physically there, but not really mentally there. I zone out, think about things good and bad, and just lose track of time and place. Today is a pretty good example. My husband called me this evening to see how my day had gone. I told him it was pretty good. He asked about church, how it was, what we talked about. I told him I really don't remember. I know that is horrible of me and that I am going to have to listen to the pastor's message this week to see what I missed, but it is the truth. I was physically there, but not mentally. I am not proud of it, but it is a side effect of this deployment. I zone out easier and I have to force myself to do things even if I really don't want to, just to keep me doing anything and to keep us on a schedule.

Ian just looked at me with concern. He worries when I get like that and knows that there really isn't anything he can do to help me get out of it, except to keep talking to me and encouraging me. I told him it was just an off day and I really didn't know why I wasn't completely there. It was the truth, because I don't know why I have days like these. There wasn't really a catalyst. I woke up to the sound of Skype calling on my computer and my husband's handsome face looking back at me and smiling. I got ready for church, went for first service, then watched the babies in the nursery for second service. After that, I came home and got right back to work on the house. It was busy enough work that it kept me occupied and then the kids came home from their sleepover, so my distraction was back. We finished up a few of our chores and then my awesome friend, Lyssa, called me and basically told me that I could not say no, and I was going on a walk with her. It was just the push I needed and I went. It was a great walk. I talked too much, as usual, about everything but deployment. It was great. Then I came home, made dinner and watched some TV with the kids.

Getting to work with the kids and the house helped me get back to having my mind and body in the same place. Having my kids as that much needed distraction was good too. Basically, the end of my day was much better than the start and I really feel like I accomplished something. We are getting so much closer to reunion time! I cannot believe we are on day 215! I can't wait until I can write and big THE END on the 365th day of this deployment when my husband finally steps off that bus and I can run right into his arms.