01/07/2012
Today was the day of my grandfather's memorial service. I was not bale to be there and, at first, it wasn't that big of a deal for me. I wasn't extremely close to my grandfather, but I was close to a lot of that side of the family. I didn't have the availability of funds or time to be able to go, but I wish I could have been there for my family. I don't know if it would have been helpful or not, but I do know that I would have liked being there for them.
Since becoming an Army wife, I was only really homesick for the first year or so. I told you the story of how I dealt with it. Well, since then I haven't really felt overly sad about being so far away from my family... Until today. Well, it has been building for a while now, and tonight it hit me just how much I miss my family. I have had this urge to just get up and go see my parents and my siblings. Then I have that desire to have my mom and step-dad come visit me here and spend a weekend. I just want to spend time with them again. I want to be able to have my family around, even if it is for a weekend. It was nice having my dad here for Christmas and we all loved that time. It has been over a year, though, since I have seen my mom and step-dad and I really miss them. I haven't seen my siblings in an even longer time and would love to just see them too.
Basically, I am a bit of a mess right now. I am homesick, missing my family, and missing my husband. I am tired of being the only parent to make all the decisions and having no break from my (and other) kids. I think it is the culmination for the stress, the exhaustion, and the fact that I am missing my family is causing my bad homesickness. Hopefully I can get back to being my independent self and dealing with the homesick feelings better than I am. For now, I will just have to do my best with it. Taking it a day at a time on all accounts, and just trying to make it another 5 1/2 months.
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