Day 216: One step forward

I have to say, the day was rough in the beginning, but I feel like I ended the day stronger than I have in a long while. I made it to work on time, which I was worried I wouldn't because of slow moving children. Work itself was okay. We had our ups and downs for the day, but overall we made it through. I came home this afternoon, determined to finish my insanely huge pile of laundry, and I did just that. I got all the laundry washed, dried, folded, and put away. At the same time, I was able to make baked chicken breasts, stuffing, and broccoli for dinner for myself and the kids as well as have something ready to start for dinner tomorrow. I had dinner on the table by 6pm and the kids were all bathed by 7pm. The only rough part to the day was that Daniel, somehow, spilled an insane amount of toothpaste on the carpet which I had to work at getting cleaned up. Other than that though, it was great because the kids were in bed by 7:45pm, without a bunch of yelling and asking them to get to bed. They did what they were told and got to bed.

So, here I am sitting here, with the dishes done, laundry done, and I feel like I really got something accomplished this weekend and this evening. I feel like I am getting back on track. I know it is too early to say that right now, because it is only one good day, and that things can and will change, but I feel positive about it. I feel like I will be able to keep up with the main stress of my life which is the house work. I am used to having help. I am used to my husband doing the dishes while I cook dinner or him doing laundry while I am cleaning the floors. I am used to having that extra set of helping hands. Now, I have to do it all. It isn't that big of a deal except during the days or weeks when I want to just curl up again and hope that someone wakes me up when the deployment is over. I know I can't do that, I am not stupid, but sometimes it gets to me.

I won't let it, though, not right now. I am trying to adjust my perspective and my own attitude on everything to try and make it more positive. I am trying to make myself do things, knowing that all I need to do is force the first step and then it will get easier. So, that is what I am doing. I am forcing myself to take the first step forward and not letting myself step back. I know that by moving myself forward with everything I have planned and the goals I have, I will be able to make it through.

Another day is done, and I am getting closer to seeing him again. Each day is hard without him, but I have to think of them, not as days I have lived without him, but days that have made me closer to holding him again.