Day 212: Trying

1/19/2012

I am trying. That is the best I can do, that is all I can do.... TRY. I am desperately trying to get some flow back into my life and get a solid schedule down for the kids and me to follow. I feel like that is all I have been doing since Ian went back to Afghanistan after R&R is resetting the schedule and goals. It has been two months and I feel like I can't pick it back up. I can't seem to want to do more than I have to. I don't want to try harder, but I know I need to.

Let me explain. I know that I need to work harder on my house to keep it up, especially since I am working full time. I know I have less time to actually get it done, so I need to work on it everyday. I know that, but I don't want to try and keep up with it. I also can't seem to want to try and get back into the swing of an exercise routine. I know it is best for me, I know it was something that I enjoyed, and I also know that it would help me handle stress better. Knowing all this, I still can't see, to want to try and establish that routine.

Today, though, was a great step in the direction of trying. I haven't been able to really establish myself in my church's bible study since September when my certification course started. I just wasn't able to go because of the class, then Ian came home and I didn't want to leave his side for a second, and then the holidays came. Plus, I wasn't sure if the bible study was one I would really have time for on a daily basis. My best friend at this post told me about another evening bible study offered here on post by PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) on Thursday nights. It worked out great for me because we were already out from 5:30pm-6:30pm for the girls' golf lessons. Now, all we have to do is go right down the street for the bible study that starts around 6:30pm. So, that that is what we did. I figured we would try it out once and see how it worked.

I have to say, it was quite awesome. It felt nice to get connected again and even better to connect with a lot of other women who are going through what I am. The kids also had their own bible school and loved it. I left that chapel tonight smiling and knowing that this is what I need to be doing and keep on doing. This was going to help me get back to trying. I am excited to see where this bible study will take me, what I will learn, and what God will show me. It should be interesting to see how this finishes.

Another day has passed, and I am happy to say that I am ticking the days off the calendar pretty steadily. Just getting closer to reunion.