Today was a typical Sunday in my house. I got up with the kids (although Ian used to do it on Sundays) and made pancakes. The kids devoured the pancakes, each kid eating double what I ate. Then, it was the fight to get the kids ready for church. They do love going to church. They have fun there and learn a whole bunch. It is just the getting ready part that they don't like to do. They got ready and we were off to church. We made it there in time and the kids went to their church school and I went to service. After service we ran errands and had our customary lunch after church. We then went home, hung out, watched some TV, did some chores and BBQ'd for dinner. (Though one of the little things I miss about Ian is his BBQ starter abilities and his attention to said BBQ). It was delicious. Kids loved it, I loved it. We were all content. After dishes were done it was the next battle... going to bed. They aren't that bad usually. I normally have to ask them once and they know it is not a request and get to bed quickly. Tonight, it took a few extra tries. Maybe they had a little too much sleep last night! So, my mom time is quite a bit shorter tonight.
It was today at church that I saw one tiny gesture between a husband and his wife that made me start to cry. It was the simple way he put his arm around her as they sat down for the sermon. It was something Ian did every Sunday at service. This was my first service since Ian left, so I was really missing him sitting next to me. But it was seeing the small, but loving contact that made me realize some of the small things I miss from my husband. Ian has always had a way of doing little gestures to show he loves me, to show I was his and he was proud of that. We would hold hands when we could (when not in uniform and when the kids were not between us, of course), he would wrap his arms around me every chance he got, put his hand at the small of my back as he led me through a door, and he would always tell me he loved me several times a day. I miss that. There is so much I miss about him right now, that I could probably write a book on just that. At this moment, though, I really miss his voice, telling me he loves me and that everything will be ok. I wish I could hear his voice everyday, but that is not possible right now. I just have to hold on to the knowledge that even when he isn't saying it, I know he feels it and is thinking about it. He loves me! I hope and pray he knows the same is true from me as well. I love you, Ian!
Another day done, another day closer. Soldier on, one hill at a time. We can do this.
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