Day 24: Progress

Today was a busy day, but not in the sense of a hectic busy day. We had a lot planned, but it wasn't to the point that we were rushing around and not enjoying the day. Emily went off to an Art day camp early this morning. It was hosted by a church in the area and their focus is on helping military children. They know the impact deployments have on military children and do what they can to help. Emily had a blast. Natalie, Daniel, and I did some shopping, went to a roller skating party for our housing community, had an icecream at McDs and went back to pick up Emily. We then had a normal evening at home.

My son seems to be the most affected by this deployment thus far. He did not handle our move well and appears to be getting worse instead of better, and I know the deployment has a lot to do with it. It was a lot of change within a 3 month timespan. I think that once we get back to school and he is able to get some friends and a good busy routine, he will get better. For now, I have to do more with him. The girls have each other and they are still at those ages where they like each other and will play together. Daniel wants to do boy stuff that the girls, most of the time, just don't want to do. So, this is where I find myself in the dad role. Ian usually builds stuff with him and plays cars with him. I can follow directions well enough, but, as I found out today, I am not all that great at building things with his blocks. However, good or not, Daniel loves it. He can sit for quite a while and build by himself. When I am in there with him, he just eats it up. So, that is my new found goal. I am going to spend some time everyday doing what Daniel wants to do. Usually we try to do things together and everyone agrees on the activity. But, I see now that I need to carve out a special time with Daniel to build stuff, or play trains, or play with cars. You know, boy stuff.

Two days ago, I took my kids to the play place at the food court here. The kids played while I sat and watched them, occasionally waving to them when they yelled for me to see where they were. In there was a mother of a boy who looked to be between 18-22 months old. This may sound wrong, but watching her and her son I had to laugh. She was constantly having to run after him, apologize to whatever kid he decided to push or hit, and then apologize to that kid's parent. She was frazzled. She didn't know what to do. The part that made me laugh was the fact that she is me two years ago. I was that mom. I was a little more proactive about punishments and removing him from his play time when he did that stuff, but it is still the same. She asked how I dealt with it. I tried to give her a tip or two, mostly that she needed to make him stop playing when he hurt someone, but other than that, I couldn't tell her much. When that was me, I just dealt with it. I did the best I could.

It was that moment, watching the little boy, when I realized just how far I have come with my son. Even on days when he drives me crazy, he is still a good kid. Even back then, he was a good kid with a kind heart... Just a rowdy, "terrible twos" boy. He was never malicious, but just a toddler trying to communicate, just like the boy at the park. This realization was part of the gift of hope God had given me that day. After having such a hard time with Daniel the day before, God showed me just how far Daniel and I had both come since then. That small gift was, in all actuallity, a huge thing for me at that moment. I offered my phone number to the woman, who told me she didn't have many friends, and offered an ear to listen whenever she wanted to call. I figured, there had to be a reason she was there and, who knows, maybe she needs someone like me in her life. I don't know God's plan for that. What I do know, is that God showed me, loud and clear, that things are better than they were, and renewed my hope that things will continue to get better.

Today is done. My children and I are adjusting. There is still a lot of "I miss daddy" said everyday, but we are starting to make it work. We are starting to come together and enjoy our time as a family. Baby steps. That is what it is, baby steps. One day at a time. One small step at a time.