Day 9: Kids are My Driving Force

Today was a test and I feel like I failed it.... or at best got a D+. This morning, my middle child was not feeling well. Both my girls have had tummy aches off and on since Ian left and I thought it had gone for good... apparently, I was wrong. She ended up throwing up and it has been one of those days. Around 10am, I started to feel ill. I couldn't force myself to do anything productive with the kids and was content (judge me if you want) to let them watch TV most of the day. Around 3, I decided to get up and turn off the TV and force my kids to do something else. That is why, I believe, it was not a total failure. The TV did not come back on. We did crafts, read books, and talked about Daddy. I was feeling slightly better, so that helped, as was my daughter. Plus, I cooked dinner. Making the day not a total waste.

It was today's happenings that made me think of something I saw on Facebook a couple of days ago. One of the post pages for spouses had an event for a deployment support group. I was intrigued. I figured that would be great. I am new to the post and could make some friends. Then I read the fine print. It was for spouses without children. At first I was miffed. I thought that was wrong. We are all going through the same thing, with or without kids, so why are they excluding those of us with kids. I liked to think it was harder with kids than without.

Today I realized why it makes sense for a separate group and why it is different to go through a deployment with kids versus without kids. If I did not have my kids to live for, I would have stayed in bed all day. I would not have moved or done anything. It was the fact that my kids needed me that made me get up and stay with them. Granted, those of us with kids have a huge weight put on our shoulders that those without don't have: we have to be mother and father, sole care provider. That is not an easy task. But, we have something to keep us going, even on the days that we aren't "busy" we are still busy. I couldn't imagine doing this without kids. In one way, I wouldn't have to be the strong one, to hide my tears, to put on a happy face and tell them that we are going to be ok and that their daddy will be ok too. But, maybe that is why those without kids need separate support, because they don't have someone to be brave for. With that in mind, I wasn't so upset about the "segregation" and was thankful that I have my children. I do, however, plan on looking for my own group where I can fit in with my kids.

One more day down......Breathe in, Breathe out..... Keeping faith alive and looking to the next day.