Today was uneventful. Just a lazy day around the house. I have not been feeling completely well for the past 3 days and can't seem to put a finger on what is wrong. My husband called me this morning and we got to talk for a few minutes. He said that it sounded like I was still sick (he called the first morning I woke up with a sore throat). I told him I was. He then wanted to know what was wrong. I told him it was a sore throat mostly and I have started coughing a little (might be asthma related) but other than that I am ok. He was worried, I could hear it in his voice. I said I would be fine and not to worry about me. It worked about as well as him telling me not to worry about him. Then he asked if I was talking to someone everyday. It was a little weird of a question, but I said yes that I always end up talking to someone everyday, be it my mom, or dad, or a friend. That wasn't what he was getting at. He wanted to know if there was one person who called every day and would be concerned if I didn't answer throughout the day. Once he said that, I knew where he was going with it.
When we were in Germany, my husband was in Charlie Co. and Alpha Co was currently deployed. We learned that an Alpha Co spouse passed away in her home while her husband was deployed, and no one found her for a few days. She was not being checked on regularly by friends and had complained about not feeling well a few days prior to her passing away. After that happened, the companies all implemented a spouse "battle buddy" system so something like that wouldn't happen again. So, that is what Ian meant. He wanted to be sure that if my not feeling well was something serious, that someone would know if I went of the grid for more than a day. I assured him that there are a few people who would notice and that our children are old enough to call 911 or a friend for help. He requested that I talk to Emily and ensure that she was aware of how to call 911 and our address should I not be able to. I said ok, and we finished our conversation before he had to go.
I wish he would listen when I tell him not to worry, but I know he will still worry. Just like I worry about him. It is inevitable in the situation we are in. We will always be worried about the other. Hopefully, he will worry a little less because he has a job to do and needs to focus. I think he hates it when I say that because it puts me at second fiddle. I am ok with that though. What he is doing is required to be at the forefront of his mind and then I come second. That is how he will make it back home to me. It is a reality. Harsh, but true. I can't come first right now, no matter how much he wants to put me there, he can't and I understand that. I am not saying that he can forget our anniversary or anything like that, he needs to plan that out. :-) But, he can't worry about me when I have a cold. He has to know I will be ok and if it is anything to be seriously concerned about, I will let him know. Until then, he does not have my permission to worry... HA HA, as if that will work.
Another day down, another day closer to seeing the other half of my heart. I can do this. Even during my bad days when I feel like I am not doing so stellar at surviving without him, I still know that I can do this.
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