I have to admit, I am exhausted. After blogging so late last night, I ended up staying online, just messing around a bit, and then, to my surpirse, my husband came online. I thought it would be something that he was only on for a few minutes and I would only talk to his long enough to tell him hi and I love him. Turns out, he had some extra time on his hands and we got to talk for a long time. I didn't end up going to bed until 3am. My husband said it was crazy that I was staying up so late, but I told him that I was not going to waste any time I can get to talk to him.
This morning, I got up and went to church. I volunteered in the nursery and it was fun. I love holding the babies. After church, the kids and I had lunch and did a small grocery shopping trip. We then came home, relaxed and I made dinner. After dinner we decided to go see "Mr Poppers Penguins" at the theater on post. It was funny and we had a good time watching the movie together.
I have found that during this deployment so far, we have been thinking and talking a lot about the future. We look towards the near future, discussing what is planned for the upcoming week, planning for when the kids start school, and the start of my teaching certification program. We discuss the future that involves us being together again. We are counting the days until R&R (rest and relaxation, for you civilians out there ;-) ). We are excited about it. We discuss even further out. What we will do when he gets home, where we want to settle down when the time comes, what we will do at that time. We can't help but dream. I can't say that we plan, because, you know what they say, man plans, God laughs. So, we dream, we imagine, we eagerly look to what God has in store for us. As our lives stand right now, it is nothing like we had planned when we were younger. It is an amazing life we have right now, our plans were not what was meant to be.
I don't know why this time of deployment makes us think about the future and want to imagine the possibilities ahead of us. Perhaps it is because the present, while being a gift in and of itself simply because we are still on this earth, is a time of separation. The future holds the possibility of reunion and of continuing our life together. I find that most Army wives, in one way or another, always look to the future, while still living in the present. We enjoy the time we have right now with our children, friends, and family, while counting down the days until the future of reunion can be called the present. Ever hopeful, forever faithful, forever strong. Not looking back to the past, but living in the present and for the future.
So here is to the future. One day at a time until the future we look so forward to can be called today. The day of both the short time of reunion for R&R and the day he comes home permanently.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Day 38: Battling emotions
I can't seem to have a good night's sleep since Ian left. It is hard once you have been used to sleeping in the same bed with another person for over seven years, to learn to sleep alone again. Last night, I was able to video chat with Ian right before bed. It was great to see his face, but in a way made me miss him more. I went to bed with him on my mind, as usual, and it made the bed feel a little colder. I put on the shirt that he wore the last day he was here, it still smells like him and it helped me sleep. When I got in bed, I smiled because my feet were cold and I remembered that every time I would jump in bed, my feet would find his warm self and he would warm them up. My own personal space heater.
I woke up this morning to his phone call. I talked to him for a little while and then he had to go. I didn't expect to talk to him again, but he called me later in the morning and asked if I was home. I was and he asked me to get on the computer. I was so excited because it was the second time in 24 hrs that I would be able to see his face. It was an amazing gift for me, one that is fleeting and not always available, so I eat it up when I can get it.
The funniest part was when he asked me how I was. I told him that I couldn't be better, given the circumstances. He asked what I meant by that. I meant that I could be doing a lot better if he were here with me, but given our current geographical separation, I was happy. Happy to hear from him, happy to see him, happy to just be with him in any way possible. It is quite a weird feeling. Being happy and missing him are two completely opposite feelings that are occurring at the same time. I was elated to see his face and hear his voice, but at the same time I was missing him and sad that he was not here.
My kids often tell me that they don't like having fun when daddy is not allowed to have fun too. They don't want to be happy without daddy. I tell them that daddy is wanting them to have fun and be happy, even if he isn't with them at the moment. I tell them that while daddy is gone, we can send him pictures and letters about all the fun stuff we do and as soon as daddy gets back, we can take him and show him everything that we have done and seen. Sadly, though, some days I agree with them. I know what is right, I know what I need to do. I know I need to live and live well, but it just feels wrong to be happy without him. I feel guilty sometimes when I am playing and laughing with the kids, because Ian can't right now, and that thought is always there, because Ian is always in my mind. I know hearing this now, he would give me a stern talking to because whenever I expressed this concern before he left, Ian would tell me that I was wrong and he wanted me to be happy and continue to live life until he returned. I am not saying it is the right way to think or that I am ok with this line of thinking, but that, sometimes, I can't help but feel this way. It is where I am constantly battling the two very different emotions. Happy, fun, or excited VS sad, lonely, or guilty. An unyielding emotional battle. Just another deployment perk for the Army wife! (I really hope you caught the sarcasm there).
Another day done, another day closer to seeing him, another day closer to sleeping in the same bed and having him warm my feet... hey, it's the little things.
I woke up this morning to his phone call. I talked to him for a little while and then he had to go. I didn't expect to talk to him again, but he called me later in the morning and asked if I was home. I was and he asked me to get on the computer. I was so excited because it was the second time in 24 hrs that I would be able to see his face. It was an amazing gift for me, one that is fleeting and not always available, so I eat it up when I can get it.
The funniest part was when he asked me how I was. I told him that I couldn't be better, given the circumstances. He asked what I meant by that. I meant that I could be doing a lot better if he were here with me, but given our current geographical separation, I was happy. Happy to hear from him, happy to see him, happy to just be with him in any way possible. It is quite a weird feeling. Being happy and missing him are two completely opposite feelings that are occurring at the same time. I was elated to see his face and hear his voice, but at the same time I was missing him and sad that he was not here.
My kids often tell me that they don't like having fun when daddy is not allowed to have fun too. They don't want to be happy without daddy. I tell them that daddy is wanting them to have fun and be happy, even if he isn't with them at the moment. I tell them that while daddy is gone, we can send him pictures and letters about all the fun stuff we do and as soon as daddy gets back, we can take him and show him everything that we have done and seen. Sadly, though, some days I agree with them. I know what is right, I know what I need to do. I know I need to live and live well, but it just feels wrong to be happy without him. I feel guilty sometimes when I am playing and laughing with the kids, because Ian can't right now, and that thought is always there, because Ian is always in my mind. I know hearing this now, he would give me a stern talking to because whenever I expressed this concern before he left, Ian would tell me that I was wrong and he wanted me to be happy and continue to live life until he returned. I am not saying it is the right way to think or that I am ok with this line of thinking, but that, sometimes, I can't help but feel this way. It is where I am constantly battling the two very different emotions. Happy, fun, or excited VS sad, lonely, or guilty. An unyielding emotional battle. Just another deployment perk for the Army wife! (I really hope you caught the sarcasm there).
Another day done, another day closer to seeing him, another day closer to sleeping in the same bed and having him warm my feet... hey, it's the little things.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Day 37: A package is worth a thousand words
It's payday! That means that I spent no time at home today because I was running around running errands. Mostly, my errands were for my husband... Getting everything he needed so I could send him another package. The kids did well at our first stop. Ian called me unexpectedly while we were in the store. As we were walking around, the kids asked for a toy. I told them if they were good I might let them pick out something from the dollar isle. Then, Ian chimed in and said they could have a toy of $15 or less, EACH! I asked if he was crazy. He said they have been good the whole time on the phone with him. He said it was payday and they have been good about helping me around the house a lot, too, so they deserved it. I made sure they KNEW it was daddy giving them permission to buy this first, then I agreed. They knew it was daddy pulling the strings though, and they were just fine with that!
The funniest part was when Ian and I first got on the phone and I asked how he was. He said he was GREAT! I asked why. He told me two reasons. 1) He was talking to me (you all can do your "awww" moment ;-) ). I asked what the other reason was. He wanted me to guess. I suck at guessing games, so he finally gave in. He told me he had just gotten in and it was like Christmas in July! He had gotten the packages I sent (which were more necessities than anything) and the packages my mom sent. The ones my mom sent had so much stuff in them that he shared it with his team and still had plenty. He was so excited! He said it made his day to get all that stuff he needed and all the extra goodies my mom sent.
The amazing part was that I could hear exactly how much that package my mom sent really helped lift his spirits. My family is amazing. They love my husband as one of their own and are not afraid to tell him how proud they are of him and that they love him. He does already know that, but this small thing was just showed that even more. I think the big part was getting something from someone that wasn't his wife. He knows I will send him stuff whenever he asks. He knows I love and support him and just how proud of him I am. The packages he got, from someone other than me, really showed him that I am not the only one that supports him.
It was awesome seeing how that lifted his morale. It made me feel good too. In that one package, my mom and step-dad said so much to my husband. The rest of my family have done that in other ways, like emails and e-cards. They all support him. I love my family because they are not military (except my brother in the Coast Guard) and really don't understand the military lifestyle. They would have every right to not be supportive of my husband because he took me and their grandchildren away from them, even though we made the decision together. Instead, they are so proud and supportive of us both. It is truly a blessing for Ian and me. My family is one PROUD American family. They bleed Red, White, and Blue... Just like me.
The funniest part was when Ian and I first got on the phone and I asked how he was. He said he was GREAT! I asked why. He told me two reasons. 1) He was talking to me (you all can do your "awww" moment ;-) ). I asked what the other reason was. He wanted me to guess. I suck at guessing games, so he finally gave in. He told me he had just gotten in and it was like Christmas in July! He had gotten the packages I sent (which were more necessities than anything) and the packages my mom sent. The ones my mom sent had so much stuff in them that he shared it with his team and still had plenty. He was so excited! He said it made his day to get all that stuff he needed and all the extra goodies my mom sent.
The amazing part was that I could hear exactly how much that package my mom sent really helped lift his spirits. My family is amazing. They love my husband as one of their own and are not afraid to tell him how proud they are of him and that they love him. He does already know that, but this small thing was just showed that even more. I think the big part was getting something from someone that wasn't his wife. He knows I will send him stuff whenever he asks. He knows I love and support him and just how proud of him I am. The packages he got, from someone other than me, really showed him that I am not the only one that supports him.
It was awesome seeing how that lifted his morale. It made me feel good too. In that one package, my mom and step-dad said so much to my husband. The rest of my family have done that in other ways, like emails and e-cards. They all support him. I love my family because they are not military (except my brother in the Coast Guard) and really don't understand the military lifestyle. They would have every right to not be supportive of my husband because he took me and their grandchildren away from them, even though we made the decision together. Instead, they are so proud and supportive of us both. It is truly a blessing for Ian and me. My family is one PROUD American family. They bleed Red, White, and Blue... Just like me.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Day 36: No fear
Today was both good and bad. I woke up this morning to a text from my husband's email account asking me to please wake up and get on Yahoo. So, I did and we IM'd each other for a while. It was a good conversation, longer than the phone calls we have had. After that, I started my day with the kids. We had a good day of hanging out around the house. We played a few games of Farkle, where my oldest whooped me big time! We also played some Just Dance 2 and Band Hero on the Wii. After dinner we went for a nice walk (after it was cool enough) and when we came home the kids were wore out enough to go to bed.... haha my secret plan worked.
After my conversation with Ian this morning, I was on Facebook and saw some disturbing news (for some reason, I always catch the news on Facebook first). Apparently, a soldier from Fort Campbell, KY went AWOL on July 4th before he was supposed to deploy, is being court-marshalled for having child pornography on his government laptop, oh, and he wanted to attack Fort Hood. Seriously, he was reported to authorites by an employee at a gun shop in town when he was asking a lot of questions about a component of pipe bombs and purchased a large quantity of ammunition. That led to an investigation being opened and, ultimately, his arrest. He had many weapons and bomb-making materials with him and has been reported as saying that he was going to attack Fort Hood. This is not an easy thing for this post. Less than two years ago, a Major in the Army went on a shooting rampage and killed 13 people. His trial is still in the making. Events like the one today and the one two years ago, make deployed soldiers just that more nervous about the safety of their families back home.
Luckily, like I said, he was stopped. The chief of police said that had he not been arrested yesterday, the press conference held today would have been more grave than it was. Still, I know the military isn't perfect. I know that not everyone in the military has the right heart about their job. The hard part is when another soldier, a brother in arms, tries to take out some of his fellow soldiers. I know that not everyone sees it as I do, but I see the military as a huge family. We watch out for each other, we take care of each other. This was not what soldiers should have to fear, they should not have to fear one of their own. So, a lot of the day I was checking back on my computer for updates. Even though he was caught, I couldn't help but worry. The thought came in my head that when Ian heard this, he would be concerned. So I did what I always do, I have the most information possible for when I talk to him again.
Bottom line is, this was an act of terrorism that was stopped in time. Acts of terrorism are meant to put fear in the hearts of the common person. I decided that I would not be afraid. I would continue to live my life and not hide out. This is not to say that I am not vigilant and careful, but that I won't stop living because some nut job wanted to come and hurt people in my area. I hope that the soldiers down range (this goes for you too, Ian, my love) know that their spouses back home are doing everything within their power to keep themselves safe and that the law enforcement are doing everything they can as well. We cannot stop living our lives because of fear. That gives the would-be terrorist power over us. Just like our soldier spouses, we cannot allow that. So, I went for a walk today. I did not stay indoors. Tomorrow, I will go about my daily errands and live life, but I will do it safely. I will keep faith in God to keep my family and me safe. I will live.
One day to mark off the calendar. One day closer to our temporary reunion (R&R) and one day closer to him being home permanently.
After my conversation with Ian this morning, I was on Facebook and saw some disturbing news (for some reason, I always catch the news on Facebook first). Apparently, a soldier from Fort Campbell, KY went AWOL on July 4th before he was supposed to deploy, is being court-marshalled for having child pornography on his government laptop, oh, and he wanted to attack Fort Hood. Seriously, he was reported to authorites by an employee at a gun shop in town when he was asking a lot of questions about a component of pipe bombs and purchased a large quantity of ammunition. That led to an investigation being opened and, ultimately, his arrest. He had many weapons and bomb-making materials with him and has been reported as saying that he was going to attack Fort Hood. This is not an easy thing for this post. Less than two years ago, a Major in the Army went on a shooting rampage and killed 13 people. His trial is still in the making. Events like the one today and the one two years ago, make deployed soldiers just that more nervous about the safety of their families back home.
Luckily, like I said, he was stopped. The chief of police said that had he not been arrested yesterday, the press conference held today would have been more grave than it was. Still, I know the military isn't perfect. I know that not everyone in the military has the right heart about their job. The hard part is when another soldier, a brother in arms, tries to take out some of his fellow soldiers. I know that not everyone sees it as I do, but I see the military as a huge family. We watch out for each other, we take care of each other. This was not what soldiers should have to fear, they should not have to fear one of their own. So, a lot of the day I was checking back on my computer for updates. Even though he was caught, I couldn't help but worry. The thought came in my head that when Ian heard this, he would be concerned. So I did what I always do, I have the most information possible for when I talk to him again.
Bottom line is, this was an act of terrorism that was stopped in time. Acts of terrorism are meant to put fear in the hearts of the common person. I decided that I would not be afraid. I would continue to live my life and not hide out. This is not to say that I am not vigilant and careful, but that I won't stop living because some nut job wanted to come and hurt people in my area. I hope that the soldiers down range (this goes for you too, Ian, my love) know that their spouses back home are doing everything within their power to keep themselves safe and that the law enforcement are doing everything they can as well. We cannot stop living our lives because of fear. That gives the would-be terrorist power over us. Just like our soldier spouses, we cannot allow that. So, I went for a walk today. I did not stay indoors. Tomorrow, I will go about my daily errands and live life, but I will do it safely. I will keep faith in God to keep my family and me safe. I will live.
One day to mark off the calendar. One day closer to our temporary reunion (R&R) and one day closer to him being home permanently.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Day 35: Whew....
Today was an awesome day, aside from my problem with CYSS again, it was a good day. I got up this morning with the kiddos, got them and myself dressed, and got on the road to take them to hourly care. I got there and apparently the reservation was written down for tomorrow, not today. Well, that was a problem because I was supposed to be at an appointment to apply for a teaching credential program, a 30-40 minute drive away, in 50 min. After calling around, they were able to keep the girls and I had to take Daniel to the other CDC all the way across post. It wasn't so bad because it was in the direction I was going anyways, but still took me an extra 25 min out of my way to drive there, sign him in, and get back on the highway. I was grateful that I got the kids in hourly care and was off to my appointment. I was heading to Temple to apply to and get information about a teaching credential program. They told me not to worry, that they understood, and were flexible. That made me feel a bit better. So, I drove a little more sane than I would have otherwise :-). The appointment itself went well and I will write about it another day, after I tell my husband.
Before my appointment, as soon as I pulled into the parking lot as a matter of fact, the phone rang. I looked at the number and knew it immediately.... It was AFGHANISTAN!!!!! I hadn't heard from my husband for a few days and was, naturally, anxious to talk to him. Just the fact that he was calling meant he was ok. That made my mood soar. I sat out in the van and talked to him for the allotted 15 minutes, appointment be damned. I had already called them and told them I was running late, I got there sooner than I expected, so I had some time to talk to him. Not that I would make that a regular thing, but, come on, I hadn't talked to him in a few days and had to know how he was. He told me he was ok and we talked about everything we had to catch up on. I was so thankful that I had that chance to talk to him. It was just what I needed.
I really do live and breathe for his next call, as the song I wrote about a few days ago states. It is an odd feeling. Knowing that the man you love with every fiber of your being, the love of your life, is in harms way. Not knowing if he is ok at any given minute. Especially if you aren't able to talk to him for a while. I feel like, when he calls, or even when I get an email from him, I can exhale. Whew. He is ok. It is such a relief.... for about 15 minutes. Then you start the process all over again. It sounds a little dramatic to some, but, I think, to most military wives, you get it. It is the reality we face. The only assurance we have is when we get those calls or emails. It is almost, but not quite, as good as having them in our arms. Because, while they are 7,000+ miles away, when we are talking to them, hearing their voice, and just being with them the only way we can, it is the best confirmation we can get that they are ok, the next best thing to having them home.
I know it drives my husband crazy, but I always ask him if he is taking care of himself. Is he eating well, staying hydrated, wearing sunscreen, keeping his feet clean and dry :-). I just want to know that he is ok in every possible way. It is important to me. I can't be there to physically cook for him or get him to get some sleep, so I want to know that he is taking care of himself. Silly, I know. He laughs when I express this concern and answers with a loveable, "Yes, dear." Hey, at least he knows I care about him enough to ask how he is, right? :-)
My day had been made by that one 15 minute phone call. I walked into my appointment thinking about my husband and thanking God for Ian's phone call and for keeping Ian safe.
Another day down, marked off the calendar. I really can't wait to see him again and have him truly in my arms. Until then, we will make it, one phone call, one email, one letter at a time.
Before my appointment, as soon as I pulled into the parking lot as a matter of fact, the phone rang. I looked at the number and knew it immediately.... It was AFGHANISTAN!!!!! I hadn't heard from my husband for a few days and was, naturally, anxious to talk to him. Just the fact that he was calling meant he was ok. That made my mood soar. I sat out in the van and talked to him for the allotted 15 minutes, appointment be damned. I had already called them and told them I was running late, I got there sooner than I expected, so I had some time to talk to him. Not that I would make that a regular thing, but, come on, I hadn't talked to him in a few days and had to know how he was. He told me he was ok and we talked about everything we had to catch up on. I was so thankful that I had that chance to talk to him. It was just what I needed.
I really do live and breathe for his next call, as the song I wrote about a few days ago states. It is an odd feeling. Knowing that the man you love with every fiber of your being, the love of your life, is in harms way. Not knowing if he is ok at any given minute. Especially if you aren't able to talk to him for a while. I feel like, when he calls, or even when I get an email from him, I can exhale. Whew. He is ok. It is such a relief.... for about 15 minutes. Then you start the process all over again. It sounds a little dramatic to some, but, I think, to most military wives, you get it. It is the reality we face. The only assurance we have is when we get those calls or emails. It is almost, but not quite, as good as having them in our arms. Because, while they are 7,000+ miles away, when we are talking to them, hearing their voice, and just being with them the only way we can, it is the best confirmation we can get that they are ok, the next best thing to having them home.
I know it drives my husband crazy, but I always ask him if he is taking care of himself. Is he eating well, staying hydrated, wearing sunscreen, keeping his feet clean and dry :-). I just want to know that he is ok in every possible way. It is important to me. I can't be there to physically cook for him or get him to get some sleep, so I want to know that he is taking care of himself. Silly, I know. He laughs when I express this concern and answers with a loveable, "Yes, dear." Hey, at least he knows I care about him enough to ask how he is, right? :-)
My day had been made by that one 15 minute phone call. I walked into my appointment thinking about my husband and thanking God for Ian's phone call and for keeping Ian safe.
Another day down, marked off the calendar. I really can't wait to see him again and have him truly in my arms. Until then, we will make it, one phone call, one email, one letter at a time.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Day 34: I just do
Today was a good day, the key was being busy. I felt productive. I went to PWOC again today. I got to talk to some friends and meet some new ones. Heard a message in our bible study that hit home. After PWOC, I came home with the kids, had lunch, and did some organizing while my son took a nap. I then watched three kids for a "friend of a friend" who I think is going to be a friend soon. We are just getting to know each other and I think it will be another new friend here in this new place. Her kids and my kids played really well together and their ages match up really well. We all had dinner together, they went home, my kids got to watch a little TV and then they had an early bedtime.
Yesterday, I wrote about why I do it. Well, today, I am going to answer the question I get asked by, mostly, my civilian friends: How do you do it? How are you able to sit at home while he is gone for a year? How can you stand the stress of doing it all by yourself and the constant worry for your husband? The truthful answer is simple: I just do. There is no magical gene or physical attribute that makes an Army wife strong enough to deal with a deployment. We just made a choice. We fell in love with a soldier, accepted the job he has to do, and told him we will support him.
I remember the day my husband asked me what I thought about him enlisting in the Army. That day, I was an ordinary woman, engaged to this amazing man. I wasn't an Army wife. I didn't have that strength. I didn't know how to live without my family. I had lived in the same city my whole life. I was terrified of everything: the uncertainty of moving, the deployments, the distance from my "home." He was joining in a time of war. It was scary. I didn't know where the Army would take us. At that moment, though, I became an Army wife. I told him that I support him in whatever decision he made. I said that I understood why he wanted to enlist and told him I would follow him anywhere the Army would let me and be waiting for his return when the Army wouldn't allow me to follow. He later told me that my support of him enlisting showed him that I was in it for the long haul and that it meant a lot to him that I was supporting him when others were not so supportive. He knew that with my support he could do anything, he could defend our country and serve the way he had always wanted to serve. That is what makes an Army wife. That is how I do this everyday. I simply do because I love my husband, support his decision to defend this great nation, and I hold down the fort at home so he has something comfortable and loving to come back to. I just do.
One more day gone... One more day closer to seeing his face again and holding him safely in my arms.
Yesterday, I wrote about why I do it. Well, today, I am going to answer the question I get asked by, mostly, my civilian friends: How do you do it? How are you able to sit at home while he is gone for a year? How can you stand the stress of doing it all by yourself and the constant worry for your husband? The truthful answer is simple: I just do. There is no magical gene or physical attribute that makes an Army wife strong enough to deal with a deployment. We just made a choice. We fell in love with a soldier, accepted the job he has to do, and told him we will support him.
I remember the day my husband asked me what I thought about him enlisting in the Army. That day, I was an ordinary woman, engaged to this amazing man. I wasn't an Army wife. I didn't have that strength. I didn't know how to live without my family. I had lived in the same city my whole life. I was terrified of everything: the uncertainty of moving, the deployments, the distance from my "home." He was joining in a time of war. It was scary. I didn't know where the Army would take us. At that moment, though, I became an Army wife. I told him that I support him in whatever decision he made. I said that I understood why he wanted to enlist and told him I would follow him anywhere the Army would let me and be waiting for his return when the Army wouldn't allow me to follow. He later told me that my support of him enlisting showed him that I was in it for the long haul and that it meant a lot to him that I was supporting him when others were not so supportive. He knew that with my support he could do anything, he could defend our country and serve the way he had always wanted to serve. That is what makes an Army wife. That is how I do this everyday. I simply do because I love my husband, support his decision to defend this great nation, and I hold down the fort at home so he has something comfortable and loving to come back to. I just do.
One more day gone... One more day closer to seeing his face again and holding him safely in my arms.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Day 33: I serve too
Today has been a blah kinda day. It took everything I had to force myself out of bed this morning. I just couldn't seem to wake up, but I did, finally. I am still not feeling completely up to par, so we didn't do much today, but after how busy our weekend was and last week was, I think a day of relaxation (some might say laziness) was needed.
As I was cooking dinner, I was listening to my iPod and the song "Unsung Heroes" by Darryl Worley came on. I love this song because he wrote it for the many soldiers who asked him to write a song about their wives/husbands, because to the soldiers, they were heroes. It made me proud to belong to this amazing group of women and men described in the song. I know I am in good company, because every military spouse is a hero in their own right. The things they go through, the good and bad days, will never make the news or get them a medal, but they do it anyways because they support this country by supporting their soldier. It is a privilege to be able to say that, by supporting my soldier and other soldiers, I am serving this country. I may not have a uniform, but I serve silently, right behind my soldier. When I am strong and supportive, it allows him to do his job even better and without distraction. I like to think that the old saying that a woman's love makes a man stronger is even more true in a military relationship. My love, support and strength make my husband a better, stronger soldier. So, that is how I serve.... Standing strong behind my husband and loving him as my one and only.
For all my military people who read this, if you go to www.darrylworley.com he lets military download his song "Unsung Heroes" for free. Check it out, give it a listen, whether you like country or not. It is an awesome song and Darryl Worley is a STRONG supporter of the military. Even if you aren't military, you can still purchase this song and ONE DOLLAR from EVERY purchase will be donated to the US Army Family and Morale, Welfare and Recreation Command, as well as the 9/11 Families For A Secure America Foundation (www.911fsafoundation.org). That is amazing considering they download costs $1.29. Totally worth it!
Couldn't find all the lyrics, so I just typed out the first part of it and the chorus. Give it a listen on his website to hear it all.
Unsung Heroes
As I was cooking dinner, I was listening to my iPod and the song "Unsung Heroes" by Darryl Worley came on. I love this song because he wrote it for the many soldiers who asked him to write a song about their wives/husbands, because to the soldiers, they were heroes. It made me proud to belong to this amazing group of women and men described in the song. I know I am in good company, because every military spouse is a hero in their own right. The things they go through, the good and bad days, will never make the news or get them a medal, but they do it anyways because they support this country by supporting their soldier. It is a privilege to be able to say that, by supporting my soldier and other soldiers, I am serving this country. I may not have a uniform, but I serve silently, right behind my soldier. When I am strong and supportive, it allows him to do his job even better and without distraction. I like to think that the old saying that a woman's love makes a man stronger is even more true in a military relationship. My love, support and strength make my husband a better, stronger soldier. So, that is how I serve.... Standing strong behind my husband and loving him as my one and only.
For all my military people who read this, if you go to www.darrylworley.com he lets military download his song "Unsung Heroes" for free. Check it out, give it a listen, whether you like country or not. It is an awesome song and Darryl Worley is a STRONG supporter of the military. Even if you aren't military, you can still purchase this song and ONE DOLLAR from EVERY purchase will be donated to the US Army Family and Morale, Welfare and Recreation Command, as well as the 9/11 Families For A Secure America Foundation (www.911fsafoundation.org). That is amazing considering they download costs $1.29. Totally worth it!
Couldn't find all the lyrics, so I just typed out the first part of it and the chorus. Give it a listen on his website to hear it all.
Unsung Heroes
She could be married to a regular guy
Someone who works 5 days a week from 9 to 5
How easy would her life have been?
But, no, she fell in love with him
She wrestles with their children, day after day
And tries to make ends meet on military pay
They say he could be home by fall
She lives and breathes for his next call
Somewhere there’s a wife that’s cryin’
For a husband somewhere fightin’
For a cause he might be dyin’ for
All the things that she goes through
Will never make the evening news
So I am singin’ this for all of those
Unsung heroes
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Day 32: Battle Buddy
It is Sunday. I have always loved Sundays because it is a day that I devote to my God and my family. Now, on top of that, Sundays are a day that I really miss Ian. It was the day we would spend together. We would get up, make breakfast, get the kids ready for church, and sit together in services. After church we would go to lunch as a family. Now, I am still devoted to God and my family, but Ian's absence is more pronounced. I just miss him.
Today, I had lunch with a new friend at my home after we went to our separate Sunday services. It was nice. She is going through a deployment too and it is nice to have someone to talk to who is experiencing what you are experiencing at the same time. I have my family, who mostly are not military, and they can empathize. They understand, to a degree, about the separation I am feeling, but they can not truly understand as they have not gone through this. Then there are my other friends who have been through at least one deployment. They are great to talk to because they can sympathize with me and can offer "I made it to the other side" advice to help me in difficult times. It is still different though. Sometimes, it feels like they are telling me that they got through it, so I will be fine. And while, yes, that is true, I still sometimes just have to whine and talk to someone about it.
Meeting my new friend, Carmon, was a chance meeting that happened back when we first got here. Me, being the overly talkative, outgoing type, saw her at the park while we were waiting for the kids to get out of school, and said hi. She isn't the conversation starting type, so I was a little weird to her. We ended the conversation by adding each other to Facebook, and had not seen each other since. Then, this past week I invited her to coffee. I knew we both needed a friend and didn't realize until we started talking and hanging out more, just how much I needed a friend who was going through a deployment at the same time. It really has made all the difference. We can both talk about what is going on, how we are feeling today, and how much we miss our husbands, and it is ok. We don't have to put on the brave face because we both know we are going through the same thing at the same time. I have all my friends, the ones who have gone through deployment, the ones who haven't, and now, I have a friend who is. I have a battle buddy. I know I will gain more as the time goes by, but for now, just having one is a huge blessing and help for me.
Another day done... Another weekend past without him. Another day closer.
Today, I had lunch with a new friend at my home after we went to our separate Sunday services. It was nice. She is going through a deployment too and it is nice to have someone to talk to who is experiencing what you are experiencing at the same time. I have my family, who mostly are not military, and they can empathize. They understand, to a degree, about the separation I am feeling, but they can not truly understand as they have not gone through this. Then there are my other friends who have been through at least one deployment. They are great to talk to because they can sympathize with me and can offer "I made it to the other side" advice to help me in difficult times. It is still different though. Sometimes, it feels like they are telling me that they got through it, so I will be fine. And while, yes, that is true, I still sometimes just have to whine and talk to someone about it.
Meeting my new friend, Carmon, was a chance meeting that happened back when we first got here. Me, being the overly talkative, outgoing type, saw her at the park while we were waiting for the kids to get out of school, and said hi. She isn't the conversation starting type, so I was a little weird to her. We ended the conversation by adding each other to Facebook, and had not seen each other since. Then, this past week I invited her to coffee. I knew we both needed a friend and didn't realize until we started talking and hanging out more, just how much I needed a friend who was going through a deployment at the same time. It really has made all the difference. We can both talk about what is going on, how we are feeling today, and how much we miss our husbands, and it is ok. We don't have to put on the brave face because we both know we are going through the same thing at the same time. I have all my friends, the ones who have gone through deployment, the ones who haven't, and now, I have a friend who is. I have a battle buddy. I know I will gain more as the time goes by, but for now, just having one is a huge blessing and help for me.
Another day done... Another weekend past without him. Another day closer.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Day 31: Well timed messages
This morning I got to talk to my husband. I wasn't sure if I would be able to because I was going to be running around a lot today, but it worked out that he called at just the right time. It made the busy day I had ahead of me just that much better. Starting off talking to him, no matter what it is about, always makes my day. I just love how we talk to each other as if we were not separated by thousands of miles, like we were just filling each other in on what happened at work. Simple, yet loving.
What was really insane about the day is that my daughters went to a summer day camp again this week, only this time, it was a horse camp and they allowed my younger daughter to participate. I misjudged my travel time to get there, so we were quite a bit late. Luckily, they didn't miss much and were still very happy to be there. So, with the girls away, Daniel and I had the whole morning and early afternoon together. We decided to have a "nice place" (Daniel's words) breakfast. Daniel had his heart set on pancakes. It was fun because he and I just hung out together talking and playing. We then went to the movies and saw Winnie the Pooh. Daniel loved it... I was bored. It didn't bother me though because it wasn't for me, it was for him and he felt special the he got to do something special too, just like his sisters were doing. After the movie we drove to pick up the girls and then headed home. We rested at home for the late afternoon (everyone was exhausted) and I treated them to McDonald's for dinner and even let them have ice cream for dessert.
I find myself writing more to my husband everyday. I wrote him an email last night at 1:30am to tell him all about the day's events. I just want him to have something to read whenever he can, even if I don't get a reply. I know it is there for him to read when he can't talk to me, just like I have his emails to read over and over again when I don't hear from him. We both have said that when we are reading the emails sent by the other, we hear exactly how it would sound in the others voice. It is my favorite part of reading his emails. He says the sweetest things that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but it is when I hear it in his voice that really makes me feel like he is saying it, like he is right here with me. When I miss him, I read his emails or listen to one of the voicemails he left on my phone. The little things that keep me going.
So, today, I was sitting at the McDonald's watching my kids play and thought of Ian. I thought of the few times we took them there together just so we could sit and talk without having the kids all over us. It was how we got "alone" time without hiring a babysitter. So, I took the chance to email him. I couldn't tell him much about my day that he didn't already know, but I just wanted him to know I was thinking about him, that I am doing ok, and, most of all, that I am so proud of what he is doing and proud to be his wife. They are things he already knows, but I have learned, that mostly when something is put on your heart to say, there is a reason for it. I also know that soldiers, just like everyone else, need to hear that they are supported by the people they love and that those people are proud of them. The job they do is hard and even the toughest guys need to know they are loved, supported, and have made their loved ones proud. So, no matter who it is, soldier or not, tell them. It may just come at the time they need to hear it the most. I know it has for me, several times and not just from my husband, but from my best friend, my parents, and my siblings. A simple 5 word sentence can change a person's day from bad to good in about 2.5 seconds.... I am proud of you.
Another day gone.... Another day survived... Another day closer.
What was really insane about the day is that my daughters went to a summer day camp again this week, only this time, it was a horse camp and they allowed my younger daughter to participate. I misjudged my travel time to get there, so we were quite a bit late. Luckily, they didn't miss much and were still very happy to be there. So, with the girls away, Daniel and I had the whole morning and early afternoon together. We decided to have a "nice place" (Daniel's words) breakfast. Daniel had his heart set on pancakes. It was fun because he and I just hung out together talking and playing. We then went to the movies and saw Winnie the Pooh. Daniel loved it... I was bored. It didn't bother me though because it wasn't for me, it was for him and he felt special the he got to do something special too, just like his sisters were doing. After the movie we drove to pick up the girls and then headed home. We rested at home for the late afternoon (everyone was exhausted) and I treated them to McDonald's for dinner and even let them have ice cream for dessert.
I find myself writing more to my husband everyday. I wrote him an email last night at 1:30am to tell him all about the day's events. I just want him to have something to read whenever he can, even if I don't get a reply. I know it is there for him to read when he can't talk to me, just like I have his emails to read over and over again when I don't hear from him. We both have said that when we are reading the emails sent by the other, we hear exactly how it would sound in the others voice. It is my favorite part of reading his emails. He says the sweetest things that make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but it is when I hear it in his voice that really makes me feel like he is saying it, like he is right here with me. When I miss him, I read his emails or listen to one of the voicemails he left on my phone. The little things that keep me going.
So, today, I was sitting at the McDonald's watching my kids play and thought of Ian. I thought of the few times we took them there together just so we could sit and talk without having the kids all over us. It was how we got "alone" time without hiring a babysitter. So, I took the chance to email him. I couldn't tell him much about my day that he didn't already know, but I just wanted him to know I was thinking about him, that I am doing ok, and, most of all, that I am so proud of what he is doing and proud to be his wife. They are things he already knows, but I have learned, that mostly when something is put on your heart to say, there is a reason for it. I also know that soldiers, just like everyone else, need to hear that they are supported by the people they love and that those people are proud of them. The job they do is hard and even the toughest guys need to know they are loved, supported, and have made their loved ones proud. So, no matter who it is, soldier or not, tell them. It may just come at the time they need to hear it the most. I know it has for me, several times and not just from my husband, but from my best friend, my parents, and my siblings. A simple 5 word sentence can change a person's day from bad to good in about 2.5 seconds.... I am proud of you.
Another day gone.... Another day survived... Another day closer.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Day 30: One Month Down, Ladies and Gentlemen!
A MONTH! I made it through the first month! I am so stoked about that, because that means I have only 11 more to go. That may sound like a lot (and it kinda is) but it is better than saying I have a whole year! I feel a sense of accomplishment. I have survived through my first month of this deployment. I had ups and downs, but I made it. One day at a time does work. Now, if I am this excited about making it through a month, well, you will just have to wait to read my very last blog of this deployment.... It will be an insane celebration.
Today was a good day. I got an email from my husband. He said some of the sweetest things that made me cry, but in a good way. I then took the kids to the pool, brought them home, fed them, and then took them to daycare for CYSS's "Give Parents a Break" night. It was fun. I got to steal my awesome friend, Lyssa, and take her out with me. Her fantastic husband was nice enough to let me steal her and watched Natalie when the center refused to take her... All because her inhaler didn't have the prescription label (even though we had a written doctor's order for it). Even though her asthma is mild and this is not the season for it, they still wouldn't let me leave her (sorry that is a side rant that just continues the problems I have had with CYSS here). So, Lyssa's husband said he would watch her so Lyssa and I could still get out. I owe him. Anyways, we went to Olive Garden and had dinner. We were going to go to the movies but by the time we signed the kids in (which took 45 min for Daniel alone) and got back across post to take Natalie back to Lyssa's house, we just didn't have the time to eat then get to a movie and back in time to pick up the kids. Our 5 hour window turned into 3 hours. It was ok though. We still had fun. We ate and talked and laughed. Good times.
I sit here tonight hurting a bit and I am reminded of yet another little reason why I miss my husband... He always put sunscreen on my back and shoulders for me! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have a sunburn. Those of you who know me, know that A) I am pale as can be (seriously, when Casper looks at me he has to put on sunglasses, he is tan compared to me), and, naturally, B) Getting a sunburn is not a hard thing for me to do. That being said, Ian makes sure to get everything on my back and doubles up on my shoulders. Emily helped me today with that, and did the best she could, but was not able to completely cover me. And people wonder why I don't like going out in the sun. I give you exhibit A) my burned shoulders and back. Oh the little things my husband did for me that I miss. One of his many hats he wore around this family: Sunscreen Applicator.
Today was a good day. I got an email from my husband. He said some of the sweetest things that made me cry, but in a good way. I then took the kids to the pool, brought them home, fed them, and then took them to daycare for CYSS's "Give Parents a Break" night. It was fun. I got to steal my awesome friend, Lyssa, and take her out with me. Her fantastic husband was nice enough to let me steal her and watched Natalie when the center refused to take her... All because her inhaler didn't have the prescription label (even though we had a written doctor's order for it). Even though her asthma is mild and this is not the season for it, they still wouldn't let me leave her (sorry that is a side rant that just continues the problems I have had with CYSS here). So, Lyssa's husband said he would watch her so Lyssa and I could still get out. I owe him. Anyways, we went to Olive Garden and had dinner. We were going to go to the movies but by the time we signed the kids in (which took 45 min for Daniel alone) and got back across post to take Natalie back to Lyssa's house, we just didn't have the time to eat then get to a movie and back in time to pick up the kids. Our 5 hour window turned into 3 hours. It was ok though. We still had fun. We ate and talked and laughed. Good times.
I sit here tonight hurting a bit and I am reminded of yet another little reason why I miss my husband... He always put sunscreen on my back and shoulders for me! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have a sunburn. Those of you who know me, know that A) I am pale as can be (seriously, when Casper looks at me he has to put on sunglasses, he is tan compared to me), and, naturally, B) Getting a sunburn is not a hard thing for me to do. That being said, Ian makes sure to get everything on my back and doubles up on my shoulders. Emily helped me today with that, and did the best she could, but was not able to completely cover me. And people wonder why I don't like going out in the sun. I give you exhibit A) my burned shoulders and back. Oh the little things my husband did for me that I miss. One of his many hats he wore around this family: Sunscreen Applicator.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Day 29: Second Fiddle
Today was uneventful. Just a lazy day around the house. I have not been feeling completely well for the past 3 days and can't seem to put a finger on what is wrong. My husband called me this morning and we got to talk for a few minutes. He said that it sounded like I was still sick (he called the first morning I woke up with a sore throat). I told him I was. He then wanted to know what was wrong. I told him it was a sore throat mostly and I have started coughing a little (might be asthma related) but other than that I am ok. He was worried, I could hear it in his voice. I said I would be fine and not to worry about me. It worked about as well as him telling me not to worry about him. Then he asked if I was talking to someone everyday. It was a little weird of a question, but I said yes that I always end up talking to someone everyday, be it my mom, or dad, or a friend. That wasn't what he was getting at. He wanted to know if there was one person who called every day and would be concerned if I didn't answer throughout the day. Once he said that, I knew where he was going with it.
When we were in Germany, my husband was in Charlie Co. and Alpha Co was currently deployed. We learned that an Alpha Co spouse passed away in her home while her husband was deployed, and no one found her for a few days. She was not being checked on regularly by friends and had complained about not feeling well a few days prior to her passing away. After that happened, the companies all implemented a spouse "battle buddy" system so something like that wouldn't happen again. So, that is what Ian meant. He wanted to be sure that if my not feeling well was something serious, that someone would know if I went of the grid for more than a day. I assured him that there are a few people who would notice and that our children are old enough to call 911 or a friend for help. He requested that I talk to Emily and ensure that she was aware of how to call 911 and our address should I not be able to. I said ok, and we finished our conversation before he had to go.
I wish he would listen when I tell him not to worry, but I know he will still worry. Just like I worry about him. It is inevitable in the situation we are in. We will always be worried about the other. Hopefully, he will worry a little less because he has a job to do and needs to focus. I think he hates it when I say that because it puts me at second fiddle. I am ok with that though. What he is doing is required to be at the forefront of his mind and then I come second. That is how he will make it back home to me. It is a reality. Harsh, but true. I can't come first right now, no matter how much he wants to put me there, he can't and I understand that. I am not saying that he can forget our anniversary or anything like that, he needs to plan that out. :-) But, he can't worry about me when I have a cold. He has to know I will be ok and if it is anything to be seriously concerned about, I will let him know. Until then, he does not have my permission to worry... HA HA, as if that will work.
Another day down, another day closer to seeing the other half of my heart. I can do this. Even during my bad days when I feel like I am not doing so stellar at surviving without him, I still know that I can do this.
When we were in Germany, my husband was in Charlie Co. and Alpha Co was currently deployed. We learned that an Alpha Co spouse passed away in her home while her husband was deployed, and no one found her for a few days. She was not being checked on regularly by friends and had complained about not feeling well a few days prior to her passing away. After that happened, the companies all implemented a spouse "battle buddy" system so something like that wouldn't happen again. So, that is what Ian meant. He wanted to be sure that if my not feeling well was something serious, that someone would know if I went of the grid for more than a day. I assured him that there are a few people who would notice and that our children are old enough to call 911 or a friend for help. He requested that I talk to Emily and ensure that she was aware of how to call 911 and our address should I not be able to. I said ok, and we finished our conversation before he had to go.
I wish he would listen when I tell him not to worry, but I know he will still worry. Just like I worry about him. It is inevitable in the situation we are in. We will always be worried about the other. Hopefully, he will worry a little less because he has a job to do and needs to focus. I think he hates it when I say that because it puts me at second fiddle. I am ok with that though. What he is doing is required to be at the forefront of his mind and then I come second. That is how he will make it back home to me. It is a reality. Harsh, but true. I can't come first right now, no matter how much he wants to put me there, he can't and I understand that. I am not saying that he can forget our anniversary or anything like that, he needs to plan that out. :-) But, he can't worry about me when I have a cold. He has to know I will be ok and if it is anything to be seriously concerned about, I will let him know. Until then, he does not have my permission to worry... HA HA, as if that will work.
Another day down, another day closer to seeing the other half of my heart. I can do this. Even during my bad days when I feel like I am not doing so stellar at surviving without him, I still know that I can do this.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Day 28: How do I protect my soldier? Let me tell you.....
Today was a good day. I started out really tired as I got less than 4 hours of sleep, but got up early to meet a new friend for coffee. It was nice. The kids played at the indoor play park (too hot outside, even in the am) and we got to sit and talk. We talked for over two hours. It was good for both of us. We are both dealing with a deployment and neither one of us have a lot of friends. So, there we were, becoming friends. It was awesome. God had a lot to do with that whole meeting, we both knew it. After that, I went over to my other friend's house and the kids got to play and get wet in the backyard. All in all, a good day, even though I almost forgot how to open my eyes after blinking a few times. I was so exhausted.
The reason I didn't get much sleep is because we had an emergency on Ian's side of the family. His grandfather went in for surgery last night around 1030pm to remove a blood clot from his brain. It was scary. I found out about it around 6:30pm through a post from one of Ian's cousins on Facebook. I immediately tried getting a hold of family there to find out what was going on. I knew that I had to get mobilized. So, I got the information I needed from his cousin, contacted my FRG leader (Family Readiness Group) and told her of the problem. She said she would talk to the Rear Detachment to get "unofficial" word to the command in Afghanistan, so they could tell my husband in case he couldn't call me when he woke up (it was about 4am their time when I found out). She also told me to start a Red Cross message, just in case. So that is what I did. I got on my email, told Ian to call me ASAP so I could talk to him about something important. Called the Red Cross, got a message started, and stayed in touch with Ian's cousin to get updates as much as possible.
My stomach dropped when I got a call from the Afghanistan number I knew was my husband. I knew this was going to hurt him because his grandfather had a huge hand in raising him. It physically hurt me to have to tell him. I soldiered on, answered the phone, and started off asking where he was and if he was ok. Once that was established, I told him about his grandpa. I told him everything I knew and every plan of action I had started in case I had to pick up and drive to Iowa. I think it helped because I had information and a plan for our family and all he had to do was worry about himself and his side of things. I stayed up until his grandfather got out of surgery and they could ascertain how he was doing which was around 1:30am. His surgery went very well. I emailed Ian to let him know. We were all very happy to hear it and thanked God for helping his grandfather through this. Then, Ian sent me a message asking me to wake up so he can video chat. I wasn't asleep yet, and even if I was, I was elated to be able to see his face. We chatted for a while and I finally got to bed around 3am. It was a long day.
Most people don't understand what it means when Army wives say they are protecting their husbands. Big soldiers don't need the protection of the "little woman" at home. They are strong, tough guys. Well, yes, they are, but they still need someone to look after them. I found out about Ian's grandpa through Facebook, and I was upset about his illness. I did not want Ian finding out that way as I knew he would be more upset. I did not want him finding out through text or email that his grandfather was having brain surgery. I wanted to protect him. I wanted to make sure that when he found out, it was in the most personal way possible, given the circumstances we were in, and that all the "i"s have been dotted and "t"s crossed. I wanted to be sure that he was not heading out on some dangerous mission right after receiving that kind of news and that that he could talk it through with me or a chaplain. The only way I could do that was to talk to him. A text or email could show up at the wrong time and he could go out on a mission upset and distracted.
So, this is how I protect my soldier. I don't hide anything from him (he doesn't like that) but I do make sure that he is in the right environment to receive whatever news I have to give him. I will follow the protocol as required to get a message to my soldier and help ensure that he is supported by a chaplain and me, if possible. An email or text can't do that. I asked a few of my friends today if they would handle it that way. They all said yes. Army wives have to protect their husbands. We have to make sure that whatever we tell them is timed right and will not impact them on a mission. It is a lot to do and to deal with just so your soldier doesn't have to read about it on Facebook, email, or text. But you know what? It is worth it. This is the only way I can protect him. I will give it all I have and protect him just as fiercely as he protects me.
Another day is done. My first Red Cross message, and hopefully my last. I can't really say that is a milestone I wanted in this deployment, but, thank God, everything worked out well. My husband told me that how I handled it and told him was the best way possible I could have done it. It strengthened me to know that he knew I was there for him and he was my priority to inform and keep in the loop.
Just keep truckin' along and we will make it to the finish line: together, stronger, and more in love than ever. We are one day closer to that finish line
The reason I didn't get much sleep is because we had an emergency on Ian's side of the family. His grandfather went in for surgery last night around 1030pm to remove a blood clot from his brain. It was scary. I found out about it around 6:30pm through a post from one of Ian's cousins on Facebook. I immediately tried getting a hold of family there to find out what was going on. I knew that I had to get mobilized. So, I got the information I needed from his cousin, contacted my FRG leader (Family Readiness Group) and told her of the problem. She said she would talk to the Rear Detachment to get "unofficial" word to the command in Afghanistan, so they could tell my husband in case he couldn't call me when he woke up (it was about 4am their time when I found out). She also told me to start a Red Cross message, just in case. So that is what I did. I got on my email, told Ian to call me ASAP so I could talk to him about something important. Called the Red Cross, got a message started, and stayed in touch with Ian's cousin to get updates as much as possible.
My stomach dropped when I got a call from the Afghanistan number I knew was my husband. I knew this was going to hurt him because his grandfather had a huge hand in raising him. It physically hurt me to have to tell him. I soldiered on, answered the phone, and started off asking where he was and if he was ok. Once that was established, I told him about his grandpa. I told him everything I knew and every plan of action I had started in case I had to pick up and drive to Iowa. I think it helped because I had information and a plan for our family and all he had to do was worry about himself and his side of things. I stayed up until his grandfather got out of surgery and they could ascertain how he was doing which was around 1:30am. His surgery went very well. I emailed Ian to let him know. We were all very happy to hear it and thanked God for helping his grandfather through this. Then, Ian sent me a message asking me to wake up so he can video chat. I wasn't asleep yet, and even if I was, I was elated to be able to see his face. We chatted for a while and I finally got to bed around 3am. It was a long day.
Most people don't understand what it means when Army wives say they are protecting their husbands. Big soldiers don't need the protection of the "little woman" at home. They are strong, tough guys. Well, yes, they are, but they still need someone to look after them. I found out about Ian's grandpa through Facebook, and I was upset about his illness. I did not want Ian finding out that way as I knew he would be more upset. I did not want him finding out through text or email that his grandfather was having brain surgery. I wanted to protect him. I wanted to make sure that when he found out, it was in the most personal way possible, given the circumstances we were in, and that all the "i"s have been dotted and "t"s crossed. I wanted to be sure that he was not heading out on some dangerous mission right after receiving that kind of news and that that he could talk it through with me or a chaplain. The only way I could do that was to talk to him. A text or email could show up at the wrong time and he could go out on a mission upset and distracted.
So, this is how I protect my soldier. I don't hide anything from him (he doesn't like that) but I do make sure that he is in the right environment to receive whatever news I have to give him. I will follow the protocol as required to get a message to my soldier and help ensure that he is supported by a chaplain and me, if possible. An email or text can't do that. I asked a few of my friends today if they would handle it that way. They all said yes. Army wives have to protect their husbands. We have to make sure that whatever we tell them is timed right and will not impact them on a mission. It is a lot to do and to deal with just so your soldier doesn't have to read about it on Facebook, email, or text. But you know what? It is worth it. This is the only way I can protect him. I will give it all I have and protect him just as fiercely as he protects me.
Another day is done. My first Red Cross message, and hopefully my last. I can't really say that is a milestone I wanted in this deployment, but, thank God, everything worked out well. My husband told me that how I handled it and told him was the best way possible I could have done it. It strengthened me to know that he knew I was there for him and he was my priority to inform and keep in the loop.
Just keep truckin' along and we will make it to the finish line: together, stronger, and more in love than ever. We are one day closer to that finish line
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Day 27: Paying respects
Today has been a hard day. I went to PWOC this morning, which was good. It was a good session and I got to fellowship with other ladies of faith. During the video teaching, I got a call from my husband. He told me to go back to the bible study and he would call me when I got home. We weren't able to talk long once I got home, but I will take any time I can get. Then, I dropped my kids off with a friend and went to the memorial service of a soldier from the brigade who died of complications after a surgery here in TX. After the memorial service, I watched a friend's kids and made dinner. The kids did their chores, took showers and went to bed. They are getting the hang of the routine. It is starting to be very helpful.
Going to that memorial today was hard. I didn't know the soldier, but since he was from the unit, I figured I would show support of the family and pay my respects. After all, he was a soldier who defended this country and deserves my respect. I asked a few people for their opinion if I should go or not. I just didn't want to intrude. Most everyone said that as long as I could handle it emotionally, I should go if I felt compelled to do so. They said it would be a welcome thing, not intruding. I didn't feel like I was intruding being there. There were a few other wives from the unit and a lot of soldiers.
I don't regret going. I didn't go for me. I went for the soldier and his family. For the unit and for my husband who couldn't. Paying your respects, even silently in the back row, supports the family and his brothers/sisters-in-arms left behind.
We lost another soldier from the brigade over the weekend. This time in Afghanistan. Again, not a soldier I know. Not even a soldier Ian knew. That part doesn't matter. What matters is that a soldier lost his life defending our country. A family is mourning their loss and needs some serious support right now. I do not know when the memorial will be, but I know, that if I can, I will be there, paying my respects to the soldier and showing gratitude to the family who sacrificed so much for our freedom.
Going to that memorial today was hard. I didn't know the soldier, but since he was from the unit, I figured I would show support of the family and pay my respects. After all, he was a soldier who defended this country and deserves my respect. I asked a few people for their opinion if I should go or not. I just didn't want to intrude. Most everyone said that as long as I could handle it emotionally, I should go if I felt compelled to do so. They said it would be a welcome thing, not intruding. I didn't feel like I was intruding being there. There were a few other wives from the unit and a lot of soldiers.
I don't regret going. I didn't go for me. I went for the soldier and his family. For the unit and for my husband who couldn't. Paying your respects, even silently in the back row, supports the family and his brothers/sisters-in-arms left behind.
We lost another soldier from the brigade over the weekend. This time in Afghanistan. Again, not a soldier I know. Not even a soldier Ian knew. That part doesn't matter. What matters is that a soldier lost his life defending our country. A family is mourning their loss and needs some serious support right now. I do not know when the memorial will be, but I know, that if I can, I will be there, paying my respects to the soldier and showing gratitude to the family who sacrificed so much for our freedom.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Day 26: The Slow Days
Today was an accomplishment. I woke up not feeling well and we really had no plans for the day. I got out of bed anyways and came down with the kids. I had breakfast (something I don't usually get around to in the mornings) and just spent the day with the kids. We watched TV, played some games, worked on some workbooks, ate dinner and did our chores together. After they were all in bed, I wouldn't let myself stop. I forced myself to mop my floors. It is hard to mop during the day because of kids and dogs running around and ruining it just seconds after I have done it. So, I save it for night time. Problem is, that is when I am tired and don't feel like doing it. And today I had the perfect excuse for not doing it: I didn't feel well. But, I forced myself to and I feel so much better now that it is done. Hurray for little victories.
Today was a day dreaded by most Army wives: A day with nothing to do. It is a daunting thing. The first rule of deployment is to stay busy. You schedule whatever you can for any time you can squeeze it in. You do play dates, sports, classes, lunches, field trips, gym time, etc. Anything to keep you busy. When you have a day like today, when you are home and have no plans to do anything nor do you have the drive or determination to find something to do, it can be your pitfall. It gives you too much time to sit around and miss him. That is not something most of us Army wives need. We have plenty of time for that at night or sitting at a stop light or waiting in line at the bank or grocery store. There is always time in your busiest day that you think of and miss your husband. He is always in our mind, but when we are busy, we don't forget about him, we just continue to operate while he is in our mind. When we aren't busy, we have a tendency to let the loneliness overwhelm us and that is when we shut down. Slow days are dangerous. Today was a slow day, but I was proud of myself. I didn't shut down. I didn't stop. I thought about my husband and I missed him, but I didn't shut down. I survived a slow day.
Another day gone, another day closer to sweet reunion. I don't count the days because it is one more day that he has been gone. I count the days because it is one more day closer to when I will see him again. The most anticipated day.
Today was a day dreaded by most Army wives: A day with nothing to do. It is a daunting thing. The first rule of deployment is to stay busy. You schedule whatever you can for any time you can squeeze it in. You do play dates, sports, classes, lunches, field trips, gym time, etc. Anything to keep you busy. When you have a day like today, when you are home and have no plans to do anything nor do you have the drive or determination to find something to do, it can be your pitfall. It gives you too much time to sit around and miss him. That is not something most of us Army wives need. We have plenty of time for that at night or sitting at a stop light or waiting in line at the bank or grocery store. There is always time in your busiest day that you think of and miss your husband. He is always in our mind, but when we are busy, we don't forget about him, we just continue to operate while he is in our mind. When we aren't busy, we have a tendency to let the loneliness overwhelm us and that is when we shut down. Slow days are dangerous. Today was a slow day, but I was proud of myself. I didn't shut down. I didn't stop. I thought about my husband and I missed him, but I didn't shut down. I survived a slow day.
Another day gone, another day closer to sweet reunion. I don't count the days because it is one more day that he has been gone. I count the days because it is one more day closer to when I will see him again. The most anticipated day.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Day 25: Pinch Hitting
I got an unexpected video chat call from my husband. He wrote me around 6am in an email telling me he would be very busy today and would not be able to call. So, needless to say, when I got that call it made my day! I was like a little school girl getting a phone call from the cutest boy at school who she has had a crush on for months. I was giddy! I was tearing up because it was such an unexpected gift to hear his voice before we could connect the webcam. Even over the phone, he knows me. He knows my voice and he knew I was emotional. He asked what was wrong, I told him "Nothing." He knew I was lying. I told him I was just happy to hear from him and then when we finally got connected with the webcam, the tears started flowing just because I could see his face. I love that face. He looked good, amazing, hansome, loving. He is my husband and seeing him was a gift. We didn't have long. The kids got to talk to Ian and Natalie got to tell him herself (I didn't tell him ahead of time) that she learned how to tie her shoes. He was so excited to hear that, just as much as she was to tell him. That was fun to watch. Ian and I talked for a few minutes before he had to go so someone else could use the computer and we had to head to church. I drove to church in a great mood.
At church, I attended the first service, and helped in the nursery for the second service. It was a good day. Since then, I showed the kids a chore chart I made up for them and we got started on that. After chores, we played. It was really fun! I had fun with my kids without having to take them to do something that costs money... that was a cool thing. My son LOVES to wrestling with his daddy, and I could tell he was missing it. So, while he couldn't wrestle with me as roughly as he does with his dad, we wrestled and he seemed to enjoy it. The girls got involved after a few minutes and I was outnumbered. Daniel was elated! The girls were having fun too! Then, we read a few books, wrestled a little more and settled in for the night. Tonight was a good night.
Now, I sit here, thinking about the road ahead filled with wrestling matches, leggo towers, date nights with children, art time, and video making. I know it will be a long road. I know it will be difficult at times, but fun, too. I also know it will be ok. As we were playing tonight, my children said they can't wait until daddy gets back so they can have a really good wrestling match. I know I can not (nor do I want to) take Ian's place, but I can pinch hit for him until he can do all this with them again. Until then, I am just going to try and have fun with the kids while still being their parent. One day at a time.
At church, I attended the first service, and helped in the nursery for the second service. It was a good day. Since then, I showed the kids a chore chart I made up for them and we got started on that. After chores, we played. It was really fun! I had fun with my kids without having to take them to do something that costs money... that was a cool thing. My son LOVES to wrestling with his daddy, and I could tell he was missing it. So, while he couldn't wrestle with me as roughly as he does with his dad, we wrestled and he seemed to enjoy it. The girls got involved after a few minutes and I was outnumbered. Daniel was elated! The girls were having fun too! Then, we read a few books, wrestled a little more and settled in for the night. Tonight was a good night.
Now, I sit here, thinking about the road ahead filled with wrestling matches, leggo towers, date nights with children, art time, and video making. I know it will be a long road. I know it will be difficult at times, but fun, too. I also know it will be ok. As we were playing tonight, my children said they can't wait until daddy gets back so they can have a really good wrestling match. I know I can not (nor do I want to) take Ian's place, but I can pinch hit for him until he can do all this with them again. Until then, I am just going to try and have fun with the kids while still being their parent. One day at a time.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Day 24: Progress
Today was a busy day, but not in the sense of a hectic busy day. We had a lot planned, but it wasn't to the point that we were rushing around and not enjoying the day. Emily went off to an Art day camp early this morning. It was hosted by a church in the area and their focus is on helping military children. They know the impact deployments have on military children and do what they can to help. Emily had a blast. Natalie, Daniel, and I did some shopping, went to a roller skating party for our housing community, had an icecream at McDs and went back to pick up Emily. We then had a normal evening at home.
My son seems to be the most affected by this deployment thus far. He did not handle our move well and appears to be getting worse instead of better, and I know the deployment has a lot to do with it. It was a lot of change within a 3 month timespan. I think that once we get back to school and he is able to get some friends and a good busy routine, he will get better. For now, I have to do more with him. The girls have each other and they are still at those ages where they like each other and will play together. Daniel wants to do boy stuff that the girls, most of the time, just don't want to do. So, this is where I find myself in the dad role. Ian usually builds stuff with him and plays cars with him. I can follow directions well enough, but, as I found out today, I am not all that great at building things with his blocks. However, good or not, Daniel loves it. He can sit for quite a while and build by himself. When I am in there with him, he just eats it up. So, that is my new found goal. I am going to spend some time everyday doing what Daniel wants to do. Usually we try to do things together and everyone agrees on the activity. But, I see now that I need to carve out a special time with Daniel to build stuff, or play trains, or play with cars. You know, boy stuff.
Two days ago, I took my kids to the play place at the food court here. The kids played while I sat and watched them, occasionally waving to them when they yelled for me to see where they were. In there was a mother of a boy who looked to be between 18-22 months old. This may sound wrong, but watching her and her son I had to laugh. She was constantly having to run after him, apologize to whatever kid he decided to push or hit, and then apologize to that kid's parent. She was frazzled. She didn't know what to do. The part that made me laugh was the fact that she is me two years ago. I was that mom. I was a little more proactive about punishments and removing him from his play time when he did that stuff, but it is still the same. She asked how I dealt with it. I tried to give her a tip or two, mostly that she needed to make him stop playing when he hurt someone, but other than that, I couldn't tell her much. When that was me, I just dealt with it. I did the best I could.
It was that moment, watching the little boy, when I realized just how far I have come with my son. Even on days when he drives me crazy, he is still a good kid. Even back then, he was a good kid with a kind heart... Just a rowdy, "terrible twos" boy. He was never malicious, but just a toddler trying to communicate, just like the boy at the park. This realization was part of the gift of hope God had given me that day. After having such a hard time with Daniel the day before, God showed me just how far Daniel and I had both come since then. That small gift was, in all actuallity, a huge thing for me at that moment. I offered my phone number to the woman, who told me she didn't have many friends, and offered an ear to listen whenever she wanted to call. I figured, there had to be a reason she was there and, who knows, maybe she needs someone like me in her life. I don't know God's plan for that. What I do know, is that God showed me, loud and clear, that things are better than they were, and renewed my hope that things will continue to get better.
Today is done. My children and I are adjusting. There is still a lot of "I miss daddy" said everyday, but we are starting to make it work. We are starting to come together and enjoy our time as a family. Baby steps. That is what it is, baby steps. One day at a time. One small step at a time.
My son seems to be the most affected by this deployment thus far. He did not handle our move well and appears to be getting worse instead of better, and I know the deployment has a lot to do with it. It was a lot of change within a 3 month timespan. I think that once we get back to school and he is able to get some friends and a good busy routine, he will get better. For now, I have to do more with him. The girls have each other and they are still at those ages where they like each other and will play together. Daniel wants to do boy stuff that the girls, most of the time, just don't want to do. So, this is where I find myself in the dad role. Ian usually builds stuff with him and plays cars with him. I can follow directions well enough, but, as I found out today, I am not all that great at building things with his blocks. However, good or not, Daniel loves it. He can sit for quite a while and build by himself. When I am in there with him, he just eats it up. So, that is my new found goal. I am going to spend some time everyday doing what Daniel wants to do. Usually we try to do things together and everyone agrees on the activity. But, I see now that I need to carve out a special time with Daniel to build stuff, or play trains, or play with cars. You know, boy stuff.
Two days ago, I took my kids to the play place at the food court here. The kids played while I sat and watched them, occasionally waving to them when they yelled for me to see where they were. In there was a mother of a boy who looked to be between 18-22 months old. This may sound wrong, but watching her and her son I had to laugh. She was constantly having to run after him, apologize to whatever kid he decided to push or hit, and then apologize to that kid's parent. She was frazzled. She didn't know what to do. The part that made me laugh was the fact that she is me two years ago. I was that mom. I was a little more proactive about punishments and removing him from his play time when he did that stuff, but it is still the same. She asked how I dealt with it. I tried to give her a tip or two, mostly that she needed to make him stop playing when he hurt someone, but other than that, I couldn't tell her much. When that was me, I just dealt with it. I did the best I could.
It was that moment, watching the little boy, when I realized just how far I have come with my son. Even on days when he drives me crazy, he is still a good kid. Even back then, he was a good kid with a kind heart... Just a rowdy, "terrible twos" boy. He was never malicious, but just a toddler trying to communicate, just like the boy at the park. This realization was part of the gift of hope God had given me that day. After having such a hard time with Daniel the day before, God showed me just how far Daniel and I had both come since then. That small gift was, in all actuallity, a huge thing for me at that moment. I offered my phone number to the woman, who told me she didn't have many friends, and offered an ear to listen whenever she wanted to call. I figured, there had to be a reason she was there and, who knows, maybe she needs someone like me in her life. I don't know God's plan for that. What I do know, is that God showed me, loud and clear, that things are better than they were, and renewed my hope that things will continue to get better.
Today is done. My children and I are adjusting. There is still a lot of "I miss daddy" said everyday, but we are starting to make it work. We are starting to come together and enjoy our time as a family. Baby steps. That is what it is, baby steps. One day at a time. One small step at a time.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Day 23: Well, I thought I was communicating
Today seemed to fly by. It started with me not feeling so well physically, but after some OTC pain meds, I was up and running. I hung out with the kids in my room playing on educational websites with them. Ian called, the kids got to talk to him, and then he and I had a good conversation. Then, we all had lunch and got ready to head out to a kid concert. It was the Biscuit Brothers. They are a PBS show... Kind like the Wiggles but farm oriented. Anyways, it was a cheap thing to do with the kids. They had fun, got to dance and sing. I got to sit and watch them. The two girls got asked questions and got to talk into the microphone. Then, during a song, Daniel got to yell, "Watermelon!" into the mic. It was cute. At the end though, they wanted the kids to jump on one foot and Daniel couldn't do that.... and that is when it all went south. The meltdown happened and he was crying for a solid 30 min about everything he could think of to cry over. It was kinda funny actually. We came home, did a few chores, played on the Wii, had dinner and then settled in to watch a movie. Ian got up early and video called us just as the movie was starting. It was another good conversation and again, I didn't want to let him go. It was a pretty good day that seemed to fly by.
It was during our emails early this morning that I realized I wasn't doing as well with the communicating as I thought I was. Ian emailed me and suggested that with the extra money this month that we put a double payment down on the car. I wrote him back and told him I was going to put it in savings to build it back up. Then he wrote, that was a good idea, but to please keep him informed of what I am doing to start paying off stuff. That was when I realized that I hadn't talked to him about finances and what I was doing to get us back on track. He felt out of the loop, for good reason. It was totally my fault, but I am the budget person, so it never dawned on me to go over things with him. I was in the mindset that things were good, the world was not falling down around our ears at the moment, and all he needed to worry about was that he had money in his spending account to help him get through. So, when we talked this morning, we talked a lot about what we are doing with the money from the deployment. We had differing views. He wants to pay down the car quicker, but I was more of a mind to do the Dave Ramsey "Debt Snowball." (BTW Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University is AWESOME! I would suggest it to everyone...especially those in government!) So, we discussed pros and cons and other ideas and eventually came to an agreement and formed our "Plan of Action."
It was a good lesson for me. I was so caught up on making sure that everyday I told him all about our day and what we were doing and how we were doing, that I forgot to discuss the budget, which was something we did at least twice a month. The good part is that it wasn't a fight. In other couples, I think, it could have been, but Ian wasn't offended. He just asked that I keep him up-to-date on how we are doing paying things off. He knew I wasn't trying to hide anything and knew that I wasn't forgetting him or trying to phase him out. He simply knows how forgetful I can be and that I still had to get used to this. He is such an awesome husband and I feel truly blessed at having such a great, honest marriage.
I know people are tired of hearing me say it... but it is still true. One day down. One day closer to reunion. Taking it one day at a time is the best I can do. Today was good. And tomorrow, we will have to see what it brings, but for now, today is done and it was successful!
It was during our emails early this morning that I realized I wasn't doing as well with the communicating as I thought I was. Ian emailed me and suggested that with the extra money this month that we put a double payment down on the car. I wrote him back and told him I was going to put it in savings to build it back up. Then he wrote, that was a good idea, but to please keep him informed of what I am doing to start paying off stuff. That was when I realized that I hadn't talked to him about finances and what I was doing to get us back on track. He felt out of the loop, for good reason. It was totally my fault, but I am the budget person, so it never dawned on me to go over things with him. I was in the mindset that things were good, the world was not falling down around our ears at the moment, and all he needed to worry about was that he had money in his spending account to help him get through. So, when we talked this morning, we talked a lot about what we are doing with the money from the deployment. We had differing views. He wants to pay down the car quicker, but I was more of a mind to do the Dave Ramsey "Debt Snowball." (BTW Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University is AWESOME! I would suggest it to everyone...especially those in government!) So, we discussed pros and cons and other ideas and eventually came to an agreement and formed our "Plan of Action."
It was a good lesson for me. I was so caught up on making sure that everyday I told him all about our day and what we were doing and how we were doing, that I forgot to discuss the budget, which was something we did at least twice a month. The good part is that it wasn't a fight. In other couples, I think, it could have been, but Ian wasn't offended. He just asked that I keep him up-to-date on how we are doing paying things off. He knew I wasn't trying to hide anything and knew that I wasn't forgetting him or trying to phase him out. He simply knows how forgetful I can be and that I still had to get used to this. He is such an awesome husband and I feel truly blessed at having such a great, honest marriage.
I know people are tired of hearing me say it... but it is still true. One day down. One day closer to reunion. Taking it one day at a time is the best I can do. Today was good. And tomorrow, we will have to see what it brings, but for now, today is done and it was successful!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Day 22: A New Hope Dawns
Today was just the day I needed. I went bed last night, depressed, emotionally and physically drained. My mom called me immediately after reading my blog last night, gave me a mild, verbal butt-kick for not calling her when I was feeling that low, and just let me blubber on the phone and tell her what had gone on and how I was feeling. It helped. She reassured me that I was doing a good job, that I would be ok, and that I had her support. It gave me a boost of strength that I needed that night. After the phone call, I looked up some encouraging bible verses and then went to bed unsure of what the dawn would bring.
I woke up this morning more determined. I find I am gaining more and more determination everyday. I decided that today I was going to talk to my kids. I was going to let them know how I was feeling (not all the nitty gritty, but a glossed over version for them) and told them that I am working on it. I told them that it is hard for me without daddy, but that I am trying my hardest to get this figured out. I also said that we are a team and that I needed their help too. They agreed and decided that they want to help me out as best they can. So with that, we went about our day.
We were at the commissary (the grocery store for you civilians out there) and were there for a good hour and a half. The kids did really well! I was impressed and told them so. We had fun shopping and they liked being my little helpers. Even Daniel helped me out and behaved well. As we were standing in line, we had an older lady in front of us. She was in a motorized cart and was missing a foot. As she went to her checkout lane, I asked Emily, my oldest, if she would like to ask the woman if she could help unload the cart. Emily enthusiastically said yes, and ran over to help. The woman was grateful for her help and the woman's husband walked up with her wheel chair to help her back out to the car. As Emily unloaded the cart, they talked to her about school and how she was liking her summer. I think the conversation with Emily helped as much as the unloading did. They wanted to give Emily money, but Emily and I told them that wasn't necessary. I told her that younger people should help when they can. The woman agreed but said that nowadays it is rare to see someone help like that.
So, on the drive home, I talked to Emily. I thought, I would try to drive home the lesson in the store, little did I know she was about to teach me. I asked her why I suggested that she help the woman. Emily said it was because the woman needed help, it was the right thing to do, it was nice, it showed respect, and it was being responsible. I couldn't believe the words from my 8 year-old's mouth. She understood that she was showing respect to an elder by helping her. She also knew that it was the responsible thing to do. Then she said, "It is what God and Jesus would have done and I bet it made them happy." I about teared up. I told her that she was exactly right and that I am so proud of her. What a daughter I have raised so far!
It is amazing that on days when you are at such a low point, you are sure the next one will be just as horrible, yet, God shows you a new day. He gives you hope. He shows you that, though you knew it already, you are raising a good child with a good heart in the midst of your self-doubt at how you are raising your children. He shows you what you need to make it through another day.
Today gave me hope. It was what I needed today. It was an amazing gift. Hope. Such a powerful word with such an amazing outcome. I was in awe of my 8 year old today and even my other two children who behaved so well. They showed me that they understand what we need to do to stay strong as a family.
Faith, hope and love is what is going to get me through this... One day at a time.
I woke up this morning more determined. I find I am gaining more and more determination everyday. I decided that today I was going to talk to my kids. I was going to let them know how I was feeling (not all the nitty gritty, but a glossed over version for them) and told them that I am working on it. I told them that it is hard for me without daddy, but that I am trying my hardest to get this figured out. I also said that we are a team and that I needed their help too. They agreed and decided that they want to help me out as best they can. So with that, we went about our day.
We were at the commissary (the grocery store for you civilians out there) and were there for a good hour and a half. The kids did really well! I was impressed and told them so. We had fun shopping and they liked being my little helpers. Even Daniel helped me out and behaved well. As we were standing in line, we had an older lady in front of us. She was in a motorized cart and was missing a foot. As she went to her checkout lane, I asked Emily, my oldest, if she would like to ask the woman if she could help unload the cart. Emily enthusiastically said yes, and ran over to help. The woman was grateful for her help and the woman's husband walked up with her wheel chair to help her back out to the car. As Emily unloaded the cart, they talked to her about school and how she was liking her summer. I think the conversation with Emily helped as much as the unloading did. They wanted to give Emily money, but Emily and I told them that wasn't necessary. I told her that younger people should help when they can. The woman agreed but said that nowadays it is rare to see someone help like that.
So, on the drive home, I talked to Emily. I thought, I would try to drive home the lesson in the store, little did I know she was about to teach me. I asked her why I suggested that she help the woman. Emily said it was because the woman needed help, it was the right thing to do, it was nice, it showed respect, and it was being responsible. I couldn't believe the words from my 8 year-old's mouth. She understood that she was showing respect to an elder by helping her. She also knew that it was the responsible thing to do. Then she said, "It is what God and Jesus would have done and I bet it made them happy." I about teared up. I told her that she was exactly right and that I am so proud of her. What a daughter I have raised so far!
It is amazing that on days when you are at such a low point, you are sure the next one will be just as horrible, yet, God shows you a new day. He gives you hope. He shows you that, though you knew it already, you are raising a good child with a good heart in the midst of your self-doubt at how you are raising your children. He shows you what you need to make it through another day.
Today gave me hope. It was what I needed today. It was an amazing gift. Hope. Such a powerful word with such an amazing outcome. I was in awe of my 8 year old today and even my other two children who behaved so well. They showed me that they understand what we need to do to stay strong as a family.
Faith, hope and love is what is going to get me through this... One day at a time.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Day 21: How Do I Do This?
Today has been another indescribable day. I have experienced almost every emotion possible: happy, sad, angry, frustrated, loved, hatred (of myself), forgiveness, emotional exhaustion, loneliness, despair, and even hopeful. How is it that so many emotions that vary so much can occur in one day? I am not sure. It started out good, with most of the good emotions happening at the beginning of the day, and then it steadily declined. It picked up a little when I went to the women's bible study at church, because that is where I felt God's forgiveness and His amazing love. After bible study, everything that I had been holding up, just crashed down on me. I tried to hold onto that feeling and deep-rooted knowledge of God's love. The frustration, loneliness, and despair crashed down on me with the weight of my son's behavior issues building on my shoulders. I sent the kids to bed as soon as we got home and just cried. I couldn't do anything else but cry. Tonight, I just wanted to be held by my husband and let him take control for just a few minutes. I wanted to hand over the reins and let him guide the kids for a few minutes, but I could only sit there, alone, out of ear shot of the kids, and cry.
Everyone says you have to hold it together. You can't let your soldier see/hear about this kind of thing. You can't let your kids see you cry. You have to be strong. You have to be there for your kids, your husband, your family, his family, the unit, your friends, and other Army wives. I know that most of those I listed will be here for me too, but I still feel like I have to be strong for them, so they don't worry. Problem is, I don't know how. I don't know how to hide my feelings on days like this from the man that I love. I know my husband has told me many times that he wants to hear about these days, but, I also know that he doesn't need to be worried about the homefront. It is a hard line to walk. It feels like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. So, tonight, I am going to just pause, breathe, and pray. I will pray for God to take control of this and guide me through...
3 weeks down... Slowly but surely the days are ticking down.
Everyone says you have to hold it together. You can't let your soldier see/hear about this kind of thing. You can't let your kids see you cry. You have to be strong. You have to be there for your kids, your husband, your family, his family, the unit, your friends, and other Army wives. I know that most of those I listed will be here for me too, but I still feel like I have to be strong for them, so they don't worry. Problem is, I don't know how. I don't know how to hide my feelings on days like this from the man that I love. I know my husband has told me many times that he wants to hear about these days, but, I also know that he doesn't need to be worried about the homefront. It is a hard line to walk. It feels like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. So, tonight, I am going to just pause, breathe, and pray. I will pray for God to take control of this and guide me through...
3 weeks down... Slowly but surely the days are ticking down.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Day 20: Making Connections
Today was another weird day. Started out good with breakfast with the kids and then PWOC. Then it just flatlined. It was around 3 that I started not feeling well. I was tired and achey all over. I wanted to go to bed, but couldn't. So I ordered pizza and sat with the kids after dinner to watch tv and wait for bedtime. I was grateful when I put the kids to bed and was able to relax.
My husband is starting, I think, to be a little more comfortable with my situation here. I am starting to make connections and make some real friends. I am attending church and bible studies. I have even volunteered at the chapel nursery for this upcoming weekend. Also, I have a FRG meeting in a week that should help connect me with other spouses in the unit. I am feeling optimistic. I have a few really good friends that I know I can count on, and that is such a relief for me. Now, if I happen to make a few more, that would be great too. The point is, no Army wife can do this alone. She needs friends. Not just family either, she needs other women who have been through this and live this lifestyle. She also needs other women of faith to come beside her, encourage her, and pray with/for her in her times of hardship, need, happiness, and trial. I am happy to say that I am making those connections. I am excited that I not only have the unyielding support of my amazing family, my amazing best friend, my awesome husband, and now I have support right here where I live! It is an amazing feeling that truly does lift my spirits!
My husband is starting, I think, to be a little more comfortable with my situation here. I am starting to make connections and make some real friends. I am attending church and bible studies. I have even volunteered at the chapel nursery for this upcoming weekend. Also, I have a FRG meeting in a week that should help connect me with other spouses in the unit. I am feeling optimistic. I have a few really good friends that I know I can count on, and that is such a relief for me. Now, if I happen to make a few more, that would be great too. The point is, no Army wife can do this alone. She needs friends. Not just family either, she needs other women who have been through this and live this lifestyle. She also needs other women of faith to come beside her, encourage her, and pray with/for her in her times of hardship, need, happiness, and trial. I am happy to say that I am making those connections. I am excited that I not only have the unyielding support of my amazing family, my amazing best friend, my awesome husband, and now I have support right here where I live! It is an amazing feeling that truly does lift my spirits!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Day 19: The Most Difficult Hardship Faced Is Not Faced By Me
Today was a good day. The kids and I got to see Ian via video chat, a treat for all of us, and the kids got some time away from me (and I them) at hourly care. I had some coffee, went to the driving range at the golf course, and had a peaceful lunch. It was a great morning/early afternoon. We all came home refreshed and spent some time together. All in all, a good day.
There is something I have been thinking for a while about this deployment, it has always been on the forefront of my mind, but today it came into sharp focus. Daniel, my son, was not interested in talking to Ian today. He stopped long enough to say "Hi Daddy!" and "Happy Birthday!" and he ran off again. I could see that hurt Ian, the fact that his son did not want to talk to him or see him was hard. I tried to tell Ian that it is just his way of dealing with it (I think), by not focusing on the fact that daddy is gone and continuing what he normally does. That didn't help. I saw the pain there, and there was nothing I could say but that Daniel will come around when he is ready, that he still talks about Ian all the time, and loves his daddy very much.
It was this event that brought the fact that Ian has it so much harder than me into focus again. People always talk about what the family endures and sacrifices. Sure, we have to raise kids by ourselves, don't have him here for holidays, have to deal with the emergencies on our own, and are always worried about the soldier. Imagine the flip side of that coin. My husband has to miss a year of our children's lives, something that I can not conceive of. He will miss everyone's birthdays, Christmas, first day of school, etc. I will be here for all that. I will only have to miss him, he has to miss everything. All the while he has to put that out of his head and accomplish his mission. That is why the soldier's sacrifice is so much more difficult in my opinion. It is why soldiers are such amazing people and it validates their bravery. Think about it, they are giving up a year in the lives of their children to protect your freedoms. Pretty awe inspiring, isn't it? And that is why I proudly stand by him, no matter where we are in the world. It is why I moved with him when I knew he was going to deploy two months later. It is why I take so many pictures and write him so many emails and letters describing every minute of our day, because he is the one that is truly sacrificing. We miss one person for a year. My husband, misses 4 people for a year... and that is only his wife and kids... that doesn't count the extended family. My husband is my hero, because knowing all this, he still proudly stood up and said, "Don't worry tonight, I will protect you."
All of our soldiers have to face this sacrifice in one form or another, I hope today's blog really illustrates for you just how much a sacrifice it is. I know what I am going through is the hardest thing I have had to do, so if I am saying that what my husband and all the other soldiers have to do is more difficult, you know we can't even begin to fathom what they deal with. God, please bless our military and keep them safe as they protect us.
There is something I have been thinking for a while about this deployment, it has always been on the forefront of my mind, but today it came into sharp focus. Daniel, my son, was not interested in talking to Ian today. He stopped long enough to say "Hi Daddy!" and "Happy Birthday!" and he ran off again. I could see that hurt Ian, the fact that his son did not want to talk to him or see him was hard. I tried to tell Ian that it is just his way of dealing with it (I think), by not focusing on the fact that daddy is gone and continuing what he normally does. That didn't help. I saw the pain there, and there was nothing I could say but that Daniel will come around when he is ready, that he still talks about Ian all the time, and loves his daddy very much.
It was this event that brought the fact that Ian has it so much harder than me into focus again. People always talk about what the family endures and sacrifices. Sure, we have to raise kids by ourselves, don't have him here for holidays, have to deal with the emergencies on our own, and are always worried about the soldier. Imagine the flip side of that coin. My husband has to miss a year of our children's lives, something that I can not conceive of. He will miss everyone's birthdays, Christmas, first day of school, etc. I will be here for all that. I will only have to miss him, he has to miss everything. All the while he has to put that out of his head and accomplish his mission. That is why the soldier's sacrifice is so much more difficult in my opinion. It is why soldiers are such amazing people and it validates their bravery. Think about it, they are giving up a year in the lives of their children to protect your freedoms. Pretty awe inspiring, isn't it? And that is why I proudly stand by him, no matter where we are in the world. It is why I moved with him when I knew he was going to deploy two months later. It is why I take so many pictures and write him so many emails and letters describing every minute of our day, because he is the one that is truly sacrificing. We miss one person for a year. My husband, misses 4 people for a year... and that is only his wife and kids... that doesn't count the extended family. My husband is my hero, because knowing all this, he still proudly stood up and said, "Don't worry tonight, I will protect you."
All of our soldiers have to face this sacrifice in one form or another, I hope today's blog really illustrates for you just how much a sacrifice it is. I know what I am going through is the hardest thing I have had to do, so if I am saying that what my husband and all the other soldiers have to do is more difficult, you know we can't even begin to fathom what they deal with. God, please bless our military and keep them safe as they protect us.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Day 18: God works
Today is Sunday. This morning I was woken by a message from Ian. It was a great email. He told me about his base and told me some great news, that he went to church service today and it helped him focus. For that, I was grateful. I have been praying non-stop for my husband and God has answered a part of my prayers. He brought Ian to attend service and get connected there at the base. It was awesome news.
I also went to church today and afterwards went to lunch with the ladies of the church. It was nice to sit and have a lunch without the kids (they were back at the church being watched by the men of the church) and fellowship with other women of faith. I feel like I am connecting. I am starting to make friends in the church and get involved. I am feeling more optimistic. It is a good feeling. Tonight, Ian called me at my request. Two days ago, I asked him, well more like demanded him to, if he could, to call me as soon as he woke up so I could tell him "Happy Birthday" first thing. I told him I have done it every year we have been together, and this year would not be any different if I could help it. So the kids and I sang him "Happy Birthday" and then he had to go. I told him happy birthday again and that I loved him. It was a good end to the day. I can only hope his day is good and continue to pray for him.
Today in church, the pastor said that God puts us out of our comfort zone and gives us trials so that we may learn to turn to Him. I believe that. I know that this whole experience, not just the deployment, but the new place as well, is drawing me closer to Him and I am learning that when I trust in God to provide, He does. Even something as "simple" as providing me friends and supporters to get me through this, God does provide. It is not that I did not know this simple truth, but God never stops working in us and he uses any chance he can to refocus our lives. He will never give up on us, and will not let us give up on ourselves. Even in hard times, God is good and He works.
I also went to church today and afterwards went to lunch with the ladies of the church. It was nice to sit and have a lunch without the kids (they were back at the church being watched by the men of the church) and fellowship with other women of faith. I feel like I am connecting. I am starting to make friends in the church and get involved. I am feeling more optimistic. It is a good feeling. Tonight, Ian called me at my request. Two days ago, I asked him, well more like demanded him to, if he could, to call me as soon as he woke up so I could tell him "Happy Birthday" first thing. I told him I have done it every year we have been together, and this year would not be any different if I could help it. So the kids and I sang him "Happy Birthday" and then he had to go. I told him happy birthday again and that I loved him. It was a good end to the day. I can only hope his day is good and continue to pray for him.
Today in church, the pastor said that God puts us out of our comfort zone and gives us trials so that we may learn to turn to Him. I believe that. I know that this whole experience, not just the deployment, but the new place as well, is drawing me closer to Him and I am learning that when I trust in God to provide, He does. Even something as "simple" as providing me friends and supporters to get me through this, God does provide. It is not that I did not know this simple truth, but God never stops working in us and he uses any chance he can to refocus our lives. He will never give up on us, and will not let us give up on ourselves. Even in hard times, God is good and He works.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Day 17: You'll get used to it
I feel like I am on a roller coaster and I have no control over the ups and downs. They seem to happen for no apparent reason. Some days, I am doing great. Others, I am struggling. Today, I just kinda floated along. Not good, but not bad either. I just existed. I did the best I could for my kids. Spent time with them, read to them, took them out to play, and talked to them. And that was good. I don't know why I feel so "middle-of-the-road" today, but I do.
I also got to talk to Ian again... Our conversation was pretty normal. The "How are you?"s and "How was your day?"s were all accomplished. I found myself telling him about the soldier show and how the kids liked it. Just kinda going over my day. It was just like we were home after he was at work all day and we were telling each other about our day. Pretty normal. Everyday I feel that even when we have pretty much said everything we can, I still want to talk to him more. I still want to keep him on the phone. Whether it is for 5 or 50 minutes, it never feels long enough. I find myself re-reading text messages and emails he sends me, just to feel like he is talking to me. Anything to stay connected to him.
During this deployment and even the time leading up to it, a lot of people have told me, "You'll get used to it." Well, guess what, this is something I hope I never get used to. I hope I never become one of the wives that are almost elated that their husbands are gone. That send their husbands looking for deployments or unaccompanied tours. I hear wives that say they enjoy the break from their husbands. That is just not me. I want this to always be something that upsets me. I always want to miss my husband and I always want him around. This is something I refuse to get used to. Don't get me wrong, I am not just going to shutdown and not deal with his absence. On the contrary, I will endure it, I will survive it, I will LIVE through it, but I will never be content with it. If you are offended by that, well, I am sorry. If this makes me sound like some old-fashioned, dependent wife, well then, ok. Truth of the matter is, I am a woman who is hopelessly in love with her husband, who just happens to be a solider. I am a woman who married her man and wants him more and more everyday. If that makes me old-fashioned or dependent, then so be it. I am a woman in love. I understand that he has a duty to his country, and I am insanely proud of that and support that. I support it so much, that I willingly signed on with him and gave up my families time with him, even though it is painful. So, sorry if I am not agreeing with you enthusiastically when you tell me "You'll get used to it." I refuse... and I am stubborn enough that I won't be budged. (Just ask my husband :-))
I also got to talk to Ian again... Our conversation was pretty normal. The "How are you?"s and "How was your day?"s were all accomplished. I found myself telling him about the soldier show and how the kids liked it. Just kinda going over my day. It was just like we were home after he was at work all day and we were telling each other about our day. Pretty normal. Everyday I feel that even when we have pretty much said everything we can, I still want to talk to him more. I still want to keep him on the phone. Whether it is for 5 or 50 minutes, it never feels long enough. I find myself re-reading text messages and emails he sends me, just to feel like he is talking to me. Anything to stay connected to him.
During this deployment and even the time leading up to it, a lot of people have told me, "You'll get used to it." Well, guess what, this is something I hope I never get used to. I hope I never become one of the wives that are almost elated that their husbands are gone. That send their husbands looking for deployments or unaccompanied tours. I hear wives that say they enjoy the break from their husbands. That is just not me. I want this to always be something that upsets me. I always want to miss my husband and I always want him around. This is something I refuse to get used to. Don't get me wrong, I am not just going to shutdown and not deal with his absence. On the contrary, I will endure it, I will survive it, I will LIVE through it, but I will never be content with it. If you are offended by that, well, I am sorry. If this makes me sound like some old-fashioned, dependent wife, well then, ok. Truth of the matter is, I am a woman who is hopelessly in love with her husband, who just happens to be a solider. I am a woman who married her man and wants him more and more everyday. If that makes me old-fashioned or dependent, then so be it. I am a woman in love. I understand that he has a duty to his country, and I am insanely proud of that and support that. I support it so much, that I willingly signed on with him and gave up my families time with him, even though it is painful. So, sorry if I am not agreeing with you enthusiastically when you tell me "You'll get used to it." I refuse... and I am stubborn enough that I won't be budged. (Just ask my husband :-))
Friday, July 8, 2011
Day 16: Red, White, and Blue
I saw the US Army Soldier Show today. The show itself was pretty good. It had some slow points, but had a lot of fun songs. A few of my favorites were "Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue" and "Devil Went Down to Georgia." One of the last songs they sang was "Red, White, and Blue" originally done by Brian McNight (look it up on YouTube). They dedicated it to all those soldiers serving overseas right now that they will come home safely. It was beautiful. It made me think of my husband and made me proud of my husband. It really was a moving song and a great end to a good show. The kids loved it, and we had so much fun.
Before the show started, there were a ton of reserved seats right in the front middle. The "rest of us" had to sit on the bleachers on the side of the building. I saw the signs on the chairs that said they were reserved for TAPS families. Then, behind them, were chairs for VIPs. TAPS families (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) are families of fallen soldiers. While I was sitting in the stands waiting for the show to start, I heard people around me complaining that they were reserving seats for people and how that wasn't right. I turned to them and said that those seats were reserved for TAPS families and that they were families of fallen soldiers. I told them they have every right to be there and we should be proud that they were given such a place of distinction for this show. After I said that, they understood why those families were there and changed their tune. At the end of the show they acknowledged the TAPS families and I was so proud to see the whole gym on their feet, giving those families a standing ovation. Oh how proud I am to be an American and to be a part of the Army family.
Another day closer to seeing my man again. Anticipation is growing everyday for the day of our sweet reunion. Just have to take it one day at a time... My motto.
Before the show started, there were a ton of reserved seats right in the front middle. The "rest of us" had to sit on the bleachers on the side of the building. I saw the signs on the chairs that said they were reserved for TAPS families. Then, behind them, were chairs for VIPs. TAPS families (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) are families of fallen soldiers. While I was sitting in the stands waiting for the show to start, I heard people around me complaining that they were reserving seats for people and how that wasn't right. I turned to them and said that those seats were reserved for TAPS families and that they were families of fallen soldiers. I told them they have every right to be there and we should be proud that they were given such a place of distinction for this show. After I said that, they understood why those families were there and changed their tune. At the end of the show they acknowledged the TAPS families and I was so proud to see the whole gym on their feet, giving those families a standing ovation. Oh how proud I am to be an American and to be a part of the Army family.
Another day closer to seeing my man again. Anticipation is growing everyday for the day of our sweet reunion. Just have to take it one day at a time... My motto.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Day 15: My weakest day (so far)
Today was my birthday. I was surprised that I was not woken up by a text or phone call from my husband (he likes doing that). But I was woken up by my kids, eager to give me their presents. It was sweet. They gave me a bracelet that said "I Love My Soldier" on it, some earrings, and a heart key chain! They were so proud and it made me smile. Then, we went off to breakfast. It was nothing spectacular, but we were together. While there, I had free WiFi, so I connected and turned on Yahoo IM just in case Ian could call or message me. Well, he did. So there I was, on my birthday, sitting in Denny's, talking to my husband overseas. I didn't want to let him go as long as he was able to stay on the phone, even when our food came. My husband reassured me that he would still be up when I got home and could talk to me then. As soon as I got home, he called me back. It was a nice conversation.
Just as we were hanging up, I started to cry. The realization that he wasn't here for my birthday was hitting and the fact that he had to go just brought that to focus. About 2 min after we said goodbye, the doorbell rang. It was a flower delivery from my mom. That made me cry more. Just the fact that she thought of me was touching and made me feel special on such a day as this. Then, later in the day, the doorbell rang again. It was another delivery, this time from my best friend. It was an edible arrangement and it was GOOD! With the two deliveries, the card I got from my sister, and all the birthday wishes I got via Facebook or my phone, I felt loved, even though I missed Ian. It was a nice day yet I cried a lot.... weird.
Today, I felt like I had gone back to day one. My husband not being here was a glaring truth today and it kept coming back into focus all day. So, I cried off and on all day. Most of it, I hid well. Dinner was my "epic fail." I couldn't help it. I cried, and my kids saw me. It was heartbreaking, because they knew why and were trying to tell me it is ok. I tried to smile and dry the tears, but I wasn't fooling them. Then, partially through our meal, both my daughters started to cry. They missed their daddy, too. Guilt went into spiral mode. I knew that my "weakness" was a factor in their tears. So, then, I cried with them a little, told them it will be ok, and that daddy will be home before we know it. Don't know how truthful that last part was, but I am trying to will it to be true. I have to be strong for them... even on my weakest days.
I had to really force myself, at times today, to really celebrate the day with my kids. For the most part, I did ok. Today is done. The first of many difficult holidays we have to celebrate without my husband is done. It was good, but at the exact same time, it was also sad and hard. Here is to tomorrow being better than today. One step at a time... Left, right, left, right.....
Just as we were hanging up, I started to cry. The realization that he wasn't here for my birthday was hitting and the fact that he had to go just brought that to focus. About 2 min after we said goodbye, the doorbell rang. It was a flower delivery from my mom. That made me cry more. Just the fact that she thought of me was touching and made me feel special on such a day as this. Then, later in the day, the doorbell rang again. It was another delivery, this time from my best friend. It was an edible arrangement and it was GOOD! With the two deliveries, the card I got from my sister, and all the birthday wishes I got via Facebook or my phone, I felt loved, even though I missed Ian. It was a nice day yet I cried a lot.... weird.
Today, I felt like I had gone back to day one. My husband not being here was a glaring truth today and it kept coming back into focus all day. So, I cried off and on all day. Most of it, I hid well. Dinner was my "epic fail." I couldn't help it. I cried, and my kids saw me. It was heartbreaking, because they knew why and were trying to tell me it is ok. I tried to smile and dry the tears, but I wasn't fooling them. Then, partially through our meal, both my daughters started to cry. They missed their daddy, too. Guilt went into spiral mode. I knew that my "weakness" was a factor in their tears. So, then, I cried with them a little, told them it will be ok, and that daddy will be home before we know it. Don't know how truthful that last part was, but I am trying to will it to be true. I have to be strong for them... even on my weakest days.
I had to really force myself, at times today, to really celebrate the day with my kids. For the most part, I did ok. Today is done. The first of many difficult holidays we have to celebrate without my husband is done. It was good, but at the exact same time, it was also sad and hard. Here is to tomorrow being better than today. One step at a time... Left, right, left, right.....
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Day 14: You know you are an Army wife when.....
Today was, again, a relatively normal day. Not fabulous, but not horrible either. It had it's ups and downs. I was so proud of my oldest daughter today though. She has been pretty adament about growing her hair long enough to donate to "Locks of Love" and be able to cut it short. She has been checking the length of her hair every week to see if it is long enough. Well, today we decided it was long enough and took her to get her hair cut. She is so happy with her new look (the first time EVER with short hair) and is super proud that she is able to help sick kids.
Yesterday, my oldest daughter realized that my birthday is on Thursday and as soon as she figured that out she said, "Mommy, I need you to take me to Miss Mellissa's house today, or maybe tomorrow." I said, "Okay." She then told me it was something she had to talk to her about and was something that I did not need to know about until Thursday... She is such a goof. So, I called up my friend, gave her the gist and asked if she would help Emily out, since this was something her and her dad used to conspire together on. Mellissa agreed. Her, Emily, and Natalie went out today to "conspire." I think it is so sweet that even though Ian is gone, my daughters are not going to let my birthday just slide by.
As I sit here right now writing this blog, I am hearing Taps playing over the speaker. Hearing it I know it is 10pm and I really need to try and get to bed, because once Taps plays, I should be working on sleep so I can get up early tomorrow. I then realized how much I rely on the stupid (no offense) bugle sounds that come out of those speakers at all hours of the day. I hear chow call at 7:45am (there are other calls around 6am and 645am but not sure what those are and they only mean something to me during school days) and know I should get breakfast on the table. I hear call to work (not sure if that is Reveille or not) at 9am and I am conscious of the fact that I need to start my day of errands or chores. I hear chow call again at 11:30am and realize it is time for lunch. Retreat sounds at 5pm every weekday but Thursday, reminding me to get dinner started. And Thursdays, I am just lost and usually forget about dinner until well after 5pm because retreat sounds at 3pm for family time.
Realizing all this, I laughed and thought of Jeff Foxworthy and his signature jokes: "You might be a redneck if...." Well, this is "You know you are an Army wife when....." you live by the post's bugle calls.
2 weeks... I hit the 2 week mark. Time is starting to move along for me and I am able to make it from one hour to the next. Sun up to sun down. Reveille, to chow call, to retreat, to taps... and start all over again the next day.
Tomorrow is Thursday, my birthday. I am not dreading it, even though the love of my life isn't here to celebrate with me. I am looking forward to spending it with my kids, talking about their amazing dad, and just plain having fun.
Yesterday, my oldest daughter realized that my birthday is on Thursday and as soon as she figured that out she said, "Mommy, I need you to take me to Miss Mellissa's house today, or maybe tomorrow." I said, "Okay." She then told me it was something she had to talk to her about and was something that I did not need to know about until Thursday... She is such a goof. So, I called up my friend, gave her the gist and asked if she would help Emily out, since this was something her and her dad used to conspire together on. Mellissa agreed. Her, Emily, and Natalie went out today to "conspire." I think it is so sweet that even though Ian is gone, my daughters are not going to let my birthday just slide by.
As I sit here right now writing this blog, I am hearing Taps playing over the speaker. Hearing it I know it is 10pm and I really need to try and get to bed, because once Taps plays, I should be working on sleep so I can get up early tomorrow. I then realized how much I rely on the stupid (no offense) bugle sounds that come out of those speakers at all hours of the day. I hear chow call at 7:45am (there are other calls around 6am and 645am but not sure what those are and they only mean something to me during school days) and know I should get breakfast on the table. I hear call to work (not sure if that is Reveille or not) at 9am and I am conscious of the fact that I need to start my day of errands or chores. I hear chow call again at 11:30am and realize it is time for lunch. Retreat sounds at 5pm every weekday but Thursday, reminding me to get dinner started. And Thursdays, I am just lost and usually forget about dinner until well after 5pm because retreat sounds at 3pm for family time.
Realizing all this, I laughed and thought of Jeff Foxworthy and his signature jokes: "You might be a redneck if...." Well, this is "You know you are an Army wife when....." you live by the post's bugle calls.
2 weeks... I hit the 2 week mark. Time is starting to move along for me and I am able to make it from one hour to the next. Sun up to sun down. Reveille, to chow call, to retreat, to taps... and start all over again the next day.
Tomorrow is Thursday, my birthday. I am not dreading it, even though the love of my life isn't here to celebrate with me. I am looking forward to spending it with my kids, talking about their amazing dad, and just plain having fun.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Day 13: In the Groove
Today was another good day. Nothing insanely out of the ordinary today, just a normal day of kids and errands. My husband was finally able to get me his address yesterday, along with a shopping list, so I spent the late morning/early afternoon running around to various stores to pick up what he needed. I came home, packed the box, and went back out again to go to the post office. It was insane! The whole lobby (not sure if that is sufficient enough of a word) was filled with people, and they only had one clerk. It was a long wait. I do have to say though, the kids were pretty well behaved, especially for a 45 min visit. I had to talk to my son more than a few times, but the progress here is that he responded when I talked to him and I rarely had to pull out the counting and/or threats. When we got home, we went right to work to pick up the house a bit. The girls and I worked together and got it done quickly. We had just been so busy the past couple of days that the house was getting neglected. Again, I was pretty happy. They did the work quickly with minimal complaints. I truly think we are starting to get it. We are starting to work together to make this house run. Today was a good day!
This morning, I was woken up at 6:30am (it was a late night for all of us and the kids were surprisingly still in bed) by a text message. It was from my husband via his email. He told me good morning, told me he loves me and misses me, and then said, "Now go back to sleep." And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love him so. He thought of me this morning to send that message, he knew I would wake up to read it, and wanted to ensure I went back to sleep. It made me smile. It was typical Ian. To think about me like that, care about me enough to write, and still try to take care of me from over 7700 miles away. That is love. And that, again, started my day off right.
I am doing ok. I can say that honestly now. I am getting the hang of it. One day at a time. Tomorrow is Wednesday... I can do this.
This morning, I was woken up at 6:30am (it was a late night for all of us and the kids were surprisingly still in bed) by a text message. It was from my husband via his email. He told me good morning, told me he loves me and misses me, and then said, "Now go back to sleep." And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I love him so. He thought of me this morning to send that message, he knew I would wake up to read it, and wanted to ensure I went back to sleep. It made me smile. It was typical Ian. To think about me like that, care about me enough to write, and still try to take care of me from over 7700 miles away. That is love. And that, again, started my day off right.
I am doing ok. I can say that honestly now. I am getting the hang of it. One day at a time. Tomorrow is Wednesday... I can do this.
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