So, about a week ago I went to the doctor to ask about a spot on one of my breasts. I wasn't sure about it because it was a spot (not a lump), had been there for over 2 months and had grown. Needless to say, I was concerned when it didn't go away.
My dad and his fiancé were visiting for the week when I decided to go ahead and go see the doctor. She was nice and listened to my concerns. After the exam she threw out words like mammogram, ultrasound, and inflammatory breast cancer. All of these words immediately struck me with fear. I had heard of that type of cancer before and remembered it wasn't a "normal" kind. It was aggressive and difficult to diagnose. Of course she didn't know if that is what I had, but told me worst case scenario kind of things. I had to wait for a week to get the tests needed.
My first thought was if I should tell Ian or not. I was conflicted. On one hand, if I told him and it turned out to be nothing then I would be worrying him while he is downrange for nothing. On the other hand, if I didn't tell him until after I knew one way or another he would be furious with me. I knew he would want to know, as much as I would have wanted to know something like that about him no matter where I was. So I told him what the doctor said and what the next steps were that I had to take. To be perfectly honest, telling him was the best thing I could have done because then I knew I had my best friend behind me and I had him to talk me down a little. I had his support and his comfort, even if it was through the screen and speaker of my phone. It was still helpful and I wasn't hiding anything from him. I know he hated the fact that he couldn't have been here for me in person and it really bothered him. He was very adamant that no matter what time it was for him, I had to call him when I was done with my appointment to tell him what, if anything, they told me. I argued with him because I wanted him to get some sleep. I lost that argument and called him after the mammogram and ultrasound.
I learned a lot about a few people in my life. I learned that some of the most unlikely friends were willing to take time off work for me to come and be with me. One woman from work told me that she had some extra days she could donate to me if needed and that she could take the others to be with me, if I needed any extra treatment. She really touched my heart, even offering to come with me to the mammogram. She showed me God's love and she gave me an ear to bend. I was able to talk to her about my concerns and she was kind enough to let me talk brave, though she knew better. Another friend of mine actually did take off work to be with me, just in case I was told anything at the actual appointment. This is the first time I have ever had anything like this done, so I didn't know what to expect. She drove over to the hospital with me and sat in the waiting room with me before my appointment. In between the mammogram and the ultrasound I had to sit in the hall, where she was at, wearing my robe. She sat with me and made me laugh. She took my mind off of it all for a few minutes until it was time to go in for my ultrasound. She took time out of her day to be there for me, without a second of hesitation. Man, I didn't know the friends I have.
At the appointment, the radiologist put my mind at ease and said she didn't think it was inflammatory breast cancer just looking at the skin and the ultrasound. She explained what it would look like and what to watch for just in case, but she was almost certain. That eased my mind a lot. I was able to walk out of there with a relieved smile on my face and my friend was there to hug me and tell me that she knew all along that I would be ok. I still have to wait for the full report, but the biggest concern was ruled out. I called Ian and told him about it. He was obviously relieved. As soon as I told him what I was told, I told him to go to bed and that I would elaborate more when he woke up. I didn't get any resistance! :-)
Then, because I was ok and my appointment took less time than expected, I went back to work. I helped get the rest of my kids home and went to a meeting. I was able to tell my friend that I was ok and the relief on her face must have mirrored mine. I know she, like myself, had been worried and praying hard for me. She gave me a big hug and told me how happy she was.
This whole thing was kind of a surreal experience. I kept telling myself that I was ok and that I had nothing to worry about, but in the back of my mind I kept hearing myself saying "what if." Then to have this happen when Ian was deployed made it so much worse. Again, I was saying "what if" it is serious? What would this mean for Ian? For me? For our kids? I am thankful that the initial findings show it isn't the aggressive cancer we were concerned about.
I still have to figure out what it is, but that is another issue for another day and another doctor. For now, I am just thankful for the friends who supported me, the family who talked me down, and the husband that was there for me from 7,000 miles away. I know it was just a scare, but a scare is enough to show you what you should be thankful for and those around you that have your back.
