Well, today was interesting... that is about the only word I have for it right now. It was interesting. It started out the normal way with the kids waking me up and the stupid dogs barking a oh-dark-30. Then I got a text from my husband asking if I was up and if we could chat online. I, of course, was delighted. So, we got on and as we were starting our conversation, he asked me what happened last night that I needed to show him today (he hadn't read my blog). So, I emailed him the picture right about the time Natalie came into the room and started chatting with Ian. About a minute and a half later, Ian gets the email.... yeah, it wasn't pretty. He was shocked and asked which kid he needed to talk to about this. When I told him he was looking at said child, I think he was flabbergasted. She knew that she was in trouble with daddy and ran off. I told Ian that I already dealt with it and that she has been punished. I asked that he just talk to her about why she did it and stay calm. It was bad enough that he is thousands of miles away and she misses him, he doesn't really need to punish her from that far away. Now that does not mean she gets a free pass, it does not mean that daddy is not involved with deciding her punishment, just that daddy will know about what she (and her siblings) do and they will have to tell daddy about their actions.
So, I got Natalie back in the room and Ian talked to her calmly. He got about as far as I did with her on the "Why?" question. I was impressed by how Ian handled it and dealt with her without being harsh. She knew what she did was wrong, she knew mommy and daddy were not happy about it, but she also knew that we BOTH still loved her. That was a big thing that I think she really needed to know after all that. Once that conversation was done, the other two talked to Ian. It was entertaining because Daniel was acting like his normal, goofy self on the video call and it made Ian laugh. I think he liked seeing his son in his normal behavior. Ian got to chat with Emily too and it made him smile with the things she talked about. I then got to talk to him for a little bit longer before he had to go to bed.
Just that call alone was a roller coaster of emotion for me. It started with me being so happy to talk to him. Then went to me being angry about what was done to my couch. Then to calming down about it. Next thing I knew a few minutes later, I was laughing. After that, when Ian asked how I was going to fix it, I went to being sad and crying. It was about more than just the couch, it was all the pent up stress about the upcoming school year and trying to outfit THREE kids for school (how my parents did it with 5 is beyond me, but I don't remember ever having a supplies list that cost somewhere around $50 per kid when I was growing up). I was also having an awesome pity party about the fact that I feel like I am not doing a good job as a single mom. Ian was the comforter again, telling me it would be ok and that we would deal with it. Then I went into feeling guilty for crying in front of my soldier, because I was supposed to be strong for him. Then I was back to being happy as we talked about other subjects. Like I said, weird.
I know I have probably written about this before, but, if I have, it is worth saying again. There are some Army wives out there that believe that you have to hide EVERYTHING from your soldier. He can't know anything that is going on at home or know about any concerns you have unless it is something BIG. Well, I just can't agree with that. I know our soldiers don't need to worry about things back home, I agree with that. However, they still need to feel like they are a part of the everyday life back home. And, newsflash, they were home once, they know every day is not perfect and know that things are not always roses and sunshine. If that is all they are being told, they will know they are being lied to.
I also know my husband. He doesn't want me to keep things from him, he doesn't want to be taken off guard when things fall down around my ears and I didn't talk to him about it sooner. That being said, I still feel guilty for not being stronger, for breaking down and crying over how I was going to fix that stupid couch. Then I realize, my husband knows me and is almost as bad as my mother, in that they both know when something is wrong with me and when I am lying about it. So, he calls me out on it every time. I always end our conversations about issues the same way. I tell him not to worry, that I am dealing with it, I have support, and I have a plan. I give him all the details and he feels better about whatever it might be, large or small. It works for us. Most of all, it works for him. I believe in protecting my soldier, but not lying to him. Agree or disagree, it is ok. I think it is all about what works best for your marriage and your husband. I just know mine. I know what he needs to hear, what he can handle, and what is or isn't important for him to know at that second.
I really need to write a song about having another day done and another day closer to being in my husband's arms again. I feel like a broken record when I finish my blog every night, but it is more true every day I say it. One day at a time. One day gone, one day closer.
No comments:
Post a Comment