Today I had another good day. I know, amazing right? I got up early this morning to Skype my husband and was able to talk for about 30 min. It was nice because I was able to thank him to his face for the flowers he sent me. I was able to tell him how awesome he was and how much I loved the flowers. I was also able to tell him how much they meant to me. He just smiled and told me I was welcome and that he was glad they made my day. He knows he earned some serious points. :-) He had also seen my posts on Facebook, bragging on him, and showing everyone the flowers and note he sent. So, he already had an idea of how much I loved the flowers.
Then, the kids and I got up, hung out, and then went to a friend's house. We hung out there most of the day and it was nice to get out of the house and have some adult conversation. After leaving there, I took the kids to VBS and did the most boring thing I could have done with the 2 hours I had to myself, I cleaned the kitchen. I know, lame right? But, hey, it needed to be done and at that moment I didn't have kids messing with me or making more dishes dirty as I was cleaning them. When I picked up the kids, I found out that Daniel was "AWESOME" today for his crew leaders at VBS. I was so excited that he behaved. He was excited to tell me and so was his teacher. It was a good day. So, as a treat, we came home and I let them stay up an extra half hour and let Daniel pick out a show for us to watch together. Just as I was getting ready to send them to bed, my parents asked if the kids were still up so they could get their "fix" and see them on Skype. So, the kids were happy because they were going to see them and because it allowed them to stay up a little longer. It was a good to talk to my parents and the kids had a blast. So, now, the kids are in bed, and I have my mom time.
I know I posted a few days ago about how I am getting stronger and I can feel myself getting stronger. Well, that is still true. I still miss him and still have my days. For the most part, though, I can answer the dreaded question honestly. When someone asks me how I am doing.... I can honestly say, "I am ok." That is a huge accomplishment for me. Because at first, when I was asked that question, I would just give them the look. Not a mean look, or my copyrighted mom look, but the look that said, "I am still too sad to answer that question without crying." And people would get that. They would just say, "Oh. Sorry. It will get better." and move on to lighter subjects. The acquaintances didn't want to really push it and ask me to talk it out with them, because it was awkward. Friends and family knew better. They were ok with the tears and understood that even though it was hard for them to hear, it was even harder for me to live through and I needed to talk about it. After a few weeks, when I was asked that question, I was finally strong enough to tell a bold-faced lie without people really noticing. I would tell them that I was ok and they would let it drop. Again, my family and close friends knew better and called me out on it. Well, now, I can look people in the eye and tell them that I am doing ok. I can tell them that things are getting better everyday or that today was a good or bad day without breaking down. I can tell them the truth, because most of the time, I am ok. I tell them that we are all doing a little better. We still miss Ian like crazy, but are dealing with it. Funny thing is, that now, people are talking more about it. I don't know if they now realize it is safe to talk to me about the deployment, or if they are not as uncomfortable with my strength as they were with my "weakness." Who knows. All I know is that I can honestly say, "I am ok."
I made it through another day with the good Lord's help. And with God's help, I am just that much closer to seeing my husband again.
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