So, today is the day before the kids' first day of school. Another big important day that Ian will miss. It makes me sad because I know what is coming. I know that my kids are going to be upset that their daddy is missing their first day of school. I know that when I go to drop off my kids at school, I will be seeing all the soldiers, that were given a morning off of PT, there with their spouses seeing their children off to school. It is particularly difficult because it is my son's first day of school, ever. He is going to pre-k and it is not like his part day programs he did at our last duty station. He is going to a real elementary school for a full school day. It is a first for him.
I know I am supposed to be positive and not think that it is going to be a hard day for the kids and me. I know that staying positive and almost willing it to be a good day is what you are supposed to do, but, I am just not that optimistic right now. I knew from the start that this year was going to be filled with hard days. I also knew that a lot of those hard days were going to be because he is missing something important, like birthdays, holidays, kids' first for stuff. My birthday was the first of these occasions, and that was brutal for me. I don't think tomorrow will be as bad as that, but, I do know it won't be easy.
I do have to say though that Ian is determined to talk to the kids on their first day of school. So, if he can, we are going to try and have a video chat in the morning with each of the kids before they leave the house for their first day of school. I hope the timing works out, but if it doesn't, Ian already is planning on waking up super early for him, which will be dinner time for us, just to call and talk to the kids and let them tell him about their first day. I hope this effort and the fact that they can see/talk to their dad (even if it is over computer) will help ease the pain of missing him a little. Of course, I will be there looking like a loon with my video camera in hand and maybe my camera around my neck, taking pictures and videos as they walk into school, so I can send them to Ian. I don't care what other people think, it is for my husband and for my kids.
And, yes, I will not just be doing it for Daniel's first day of school, all of their first days are important. I learned that from my daughter, Natalie, when we were trying to explain how long daddy will be gone and when he is coming back. As adults, the big milestones for our kids are Kindergarten, middle school, high school, graduation, and college. For kids, though, every year is a milestone. When we explained to Natalie that Ian would be back after she was done with first grade, she lost it. She said, "So he is going to miss ALL of my first grade?" Yeah, I felt horrible. Because to her, it wasn't that he had seen her in school before and went to other years worth of plays and teacher conferences, it was that he was missing that year. My thoughts were more worried about how Daniel would do with Ian missing his first year in school. Needless to say, my daughter reality checked me. Not that I didn't think each year for my kids were special before, now, though, I realize that each year is a milestone. Each child's school year, whether it is their first, last, or somewhere in between is significant and neither is more or less important than the other. Sometimes, we just have to think like a child to put things back in perspective.
So, here is to hoping that I am wrong about tomorrow and that it isn't going to be as bad as I think it will. Here is to hoping that Ian will be able to see them in the morning or talk to them in the evening tomorrow. Here is to hoping that I can keep it together for the kids and that my cameras all work correctly. Here's to hope!
Another day has passed, another day closer to reunion.
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