So, I am going to get on a bit of a soapbox.... FAIR WARNING.
I was talking to another Army wife a few days ago about Ian being deployed and the fact that she has "been there, done that." She started talking about how when her husband deployed she deleted a lot of people off her Facebook because they would "whine" about how much they missed their husbands. She is not talking about her military friends, but her civilian ones. The ones who miss their husband because they are gone for a week at a business conference in Las Vegas, or visiting family in New York. It irritates her when civilians complain that their husbands are gone for such a short amount of time in a cushy hotel room, when hers is gone for a year and at war. I get that. I get that she would look at those people and say, "Really? Can you even comprehend what it is like to have your husband in a war zone for a year?" Sometimes, I want to say that to those people in my life. Here comes the but. I try not to think that way. I know that everyone has a right to miss their husband, whether for a weekend, a week, a month, or a year. We all have that right. I won't get mad at someone for expressing their love for their husband and the fact that they miss him. I know when I would whine about missing my husband when he was off training, I got more than a few, "Well, at least he isn't deployed like mine is" type of statements. It made me feel like me missing my husband was insignificant because he was not deployed and theirs was. So them missing their husband was more important than me missing mine. So, I try not to do that to other people.
Now, don't get me wrong. I personally think that a wife going through deployment has a lot more reasons to be anxious, worried, and sad about their soldier's absence. Before my husband deployed, but was gone for a few weeks training, I realized how lucky I was. Yes, my husband was gone. Yes, I missed him. But I knew he was safe. He was able to call me whenever he was out of class. If there was a serious emergency, he could be home in matter of hours, not days. Seeing and hearing what my friends were going through with their deployments made me more appreciative of my husband being on the same continent. So, I think, that is what military wives want. I don't think that the majority of them believe that you have no right to miss your husband. I think they just want you to be grateful for having your husband close and only gone for a short amount of time. I think they want you to know that they are missing their husbands for all of our freedoms and that it is difficult. I think they want you to be supportive of our military, their families, and recognize true sacrifice.
Sometimes, I will admit, it is hard. It is hard to hear or read people prattle about insignificant little things, when I am here crying because my husband is in harms way and trying to keep a brave face in place for my kids when they are inconsolable. It is hard to put on a happy face and tell someone that the fact that their husband is gone for the weekend sucks and that you are sorry they miss him. When all you really want to do is slap her and ask if she has any idea who you are married to. "Do you know what I am going through right now? Do you understand what war and deployment mean?" It is hard to hear about a parent talk about how difficult it will be to get their kids the one birthday present or party they want, when all my kids want is their daddy for their birthday or to even just have him at the party, and I can't give that. It is hard to put on the happy face in that case. However, the world does not revolve around me or comes to a screeching halt because my husband is gone. Time marches on, just like I do.
I guess what I am trying to say is that everyone, military or civilian, no matter their separation length or place, has a right to their feelings. Everyone has a right to miss the ones they love. So, military wives, don't be so sensitive, civilians can sympathize, but unless they are former military wives, they can't fully empathize with us. They can't be walking on egg shells around you and worried that you will get hurt if they talk about their life, good, bad or indifferent. And civilian people out there, if you have a military wife or two in your circle of friends, give them a break. Don't take it too personally when they snap at you because they haven't seen their husbands in almost a year, and you are worried about a weekend. Or when they tell you to quit complaining that your husband doesn't help out enough around the house... They wish theirs was there to even help out a little, or not at all, so long as he is safe in their arms.
I will try to control myself, but I will be honest, I am one that you might have to be patient with too :-).
Well, another day has come and gone. Another day in the past, which means I am one day closer to the future I desire most. Reunion!
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