How do you deal with those family members who aren't exactly supportive of you or your family? Not in their words, but in their actions, or lack there of, they show their lack of support. How do you deal with that? I am a very protective of my husband and my children. When I feel like someone in our family is not treating them as well as I think they should be treated, I get defensive. It is hard to explain without going into details, but it is something that has been bothering me since my husband left. Ian and I got into this discussion today and I let my outspoken-ness and frustration come out a little too much on the phone. I let my feelings about how people in our families were ignoring him, my kids, and/or me. For the most part, if they ignore me, I don't care. I can handle it. It is when they do not write my husband, respond to his emails, or make no attempt to talk to my children that I get upset and take offense.
I am a big girl and can handle myself, my kids, however, cannot. They don't see things the way I do. All they see is that family member A does not call or talk to them like they talk to family member B all the time. They wonder if family member A doesn't like them. Then I see my husband, seeing support from only his wife and a select few family members in the way of pre-deployment phone calls to wish him well, or during his deployment- letters, emails, or packages, anything that says to him, "I am proud of what you are doing, of the man that you are, and I love you." During the deployment the lack of support is a lot more noticeable than when he is home everyday with his wife and kids. But lately, I see him get a little more upset as the days go by that he doesn't hear from members of our families that he would like to hear from most, even after he initiated contact. For crying out loud, he is in a WAR ZONE! WRITE THE MAN A DANG EMAIL! I know I am speaking for my husband, and I really shouldn't, because he is a big boy and I could be misreading him when we talk, but it is the protective side of me coming out here.
Anyways, we got into a discussion about going to see some of these family members and, like I said, I didn't censor myself well. It bothers me that I am going to shell out over $1500 to take my whole family to go see someone for a week or so when they can't even be bothered to call and ask how the kids or I am doing. When they won't even write my husband or give him any indication that they are proud of the man he is and the job he is doing. Why would I want to subject my children to family members who don't seem to care about them enough to pick up a phone? Why go somewhere that I am not sure my children or I would be welcomed?
I know that family is family, but I learned growing up and even recently, that you focus and put energy into the relationships with those that actually care. You put energy into building the relationships with those that want to have that relationship. So, why not spend the money going to see other family members who like my kids, or, gasp, love my kids and my husband. Like I said, I am a big girl, treat me as you will, but you mistreat my children or my husband, and mama bear comes out and it is not pretty. You show me that you care about my husband and my kids, especially during this difficult time in their lives, and I will be more than willing to visit and put some energy and focus into the relationship and help foster it with my children, my husband, and myself. But, I will not allow family members to hurt my family repeatedly just because we are bound by blood or marriage.
This is probably not the most Christian way of thinking, and I am sure that God will hit me in the head soon enough. I have to say that I have tried, I just can't keep banging my head against a brick wall. I am not perfect, by any means, but communication and relationships are two way streets. If only one person is willing to try and put in effort, it will never work.
I know this will probably start a thing or two, but to be honest, if it offends you, pick up the phone and call me and we can talk about what offended you. I won't, however, apologize for this, because as I have said from the beginning, this is my blog. It is how I feel and what I am going through at this time. It will not always be rainbows and butterflies and you will not always agree with me. But, you do not have to read it either.
Well, for better or worse, another day is done. Another day closer to seeing my husband again and being in his arms again. Man, that will be one sweet reunion.
No comments:
Post a Comment